Chapter 31 – Release [S]
Friday, November 16th, 2016
I’m not me, at all. I’m angry, I’m full of hate, and I feel like lashing out on everybody. I want people to leave me the hell alone, and I feel a very strong need to run away from everything. I’m not sure I should do so, because I have a hunch the entity will guide me towards the forest and I do not want to be in there for even a single second.
It’s why I’m trying to find distraction, by still attending school in the hopes of boring the entity into leaving me alone.
But I know, just like my family and friends, it won’t. It will only cause me to end up in trouble whenever someone is getting in my way.
Whatever way I’m going anyway.
By now, the biggest part of my days is a huge gap, and all I remember is moments spent with Jessabelle, Elizabeth and more recently; Natasha.
I remember meetings about selling grounds, I remember denying Carl Miller to cut down trees for his business.
I remember ‘disputes’ with village people, as Baywick and his family like to call them. I remember how they accused me of murdering the hunters.
I remember the forest in a beautiful way, full of life and people. I remember being on a walk around the lake with Natasha, who is a happy sixteen-year-old enjoying the fact she found her birth parents, telling them everything she ever did and everything she ever wants.
During those moments, I feel happy and relaxed.
But those moments are rare, as my mind is mostly full of horrible images; flashes of fire surrounding me, causing my skin to burn, images of kids getting killed, stabbed multiple times, always witnessing those who kill to break down after killing a kid, only to fall unconscious right afterwards.
I remember the screams of a woman, I remember the screams and cries of children, I remember the angry yelling of a crowd.
I shake my head in annoyance, wanting to get rid of them, only to wake up from a stupor in the middle of a hallway in school.
Again, I notice I miss about half an hour in my memories, since the class I was last in wasn’t even half over as I recall.
I watch Davy and Annika walking slightly ahead, while Cory is right next to me.
“Is it true?” Patrick shows up in front of me with a daring smirk on his face. “Did you guys got raped in the woods? Is that why Sid’s a mess?” He gestures to me as he addresses Cory, who instantly looks annoyed.
“Get lost, Patrick. You know that’s not what happened.”
“Oh, do I? Everybody says it is. That you’re now butt-budd…-“ Patrick stumbles backwards out of the blue, seemingly a bit surprised.
“Wow there, don’t be clumsy,” my voice lacks concern, and I send him a cold and empty look. “Always the idiot, the joker… never taken serious…” I drawl, lolling my head a bit, wanting to walk past him because an anger is bubbling inside me and I don’t want to wait until it lashes out.
“Hey! Don’t turn your back on me!” Patrick puts his hand on my shoulder and halfway while turning me around, my hand automatically grabbed his, twisting his arm as I pull it down, causing him to whimper in pain.
“If there’s the tiniest piece of brain in there…” I tap his head with a finger annoyingly hard. “Then you would get the hell out of my face.” I release his wrist, not without causing him to lose balance, falling to the ground. I walk away yet again, and Davy and Annika are nervously taking in the scene, while Cory – I assume – follows after me.
“Sid!” Annika calls out, covering her mouth with wide eyes.
I didn’t need her warning. I think the entity already sensed an attack coming my way, and it turned me around.
Patrick stopped mid-air, his eyes growing wide as he drops to the ground like a forcefield stopped him.
“What the hell?” He calls out. “What did you do? Are you a frea…” He grasps for air, suddenly grabbing at his throat as if he’s trying to pull something away.
And while I stare at him full of anger, hate, I feel a weird powerful control over his life, as if I’m the one choking him.
And I am, ain’t I? Well, not me, but the entity is.
“Patrick, what’s wrong!?” Steward runs to him, trying to grab his hands, that look like they’re choking himself. All the while, his eyes remain focused on me, now holding fear and shock, as I stare back blankly, not feeling any remorse yet again.
Just like with Liza.
Just like with any fight I recently had.
I don’t care Patrick might choke, but suddenly Davy grabs my arm, yanking me away from Patrick, staring at me with pleading eyes. “Fight it, Sid, please,” he begs me with a whisper, and it’s enough to release my hold on Patrick, come to some sense, and stare at Davy confused.
“Fight what?” I shake my head, still feeling confused. “What did I do?”
“Wh-wha…” Davy stammers, and then Mrs. Brand appears by my side. “Patrick, Sid, my office, now.”
I frown, questioningly staring at Davy shortly, before I follow Mrs. Brand towards her office, getting angry, yet scared looks from Patrick all the way there.
“Sit down.” She points towards two chairs, and we reluctantly do so.
As I look into Patrick’s eyes confused, flashes of a fight cross my mind, and I realise I lashed out on him.
Or, Baywick did.
It’s when I notice his throat is red and he’s still trying to catch his breath.
“He… he… he choked me!”
“I did not touch you,” I deadpan, knowing it is the truth. “Maybe the wrist… but not the throat.”
Mrs. Brand sends me a worried look, and then looks back towards Patrick. “Let me get you some water and then explain what exactly happened. How it started, until I showed up.” She purses her lips shortly, before moving to grab him water. And as I watch her do so, Patrick is looking at me in anger again, and I see her whisper as she waves her hand over his cup.
Am I witnessing magic?
I wonder how this is going to turn out.
“Here you go, dear…” Mrs. Brand hands him the cup and he takes about three swags, before he puts it down. But Mrs. Brand seems pleased, while Patrick’s angry look dissolves, and his eyes go soft again.
“Patrick, can you tell me what happened?”
“I… I started a fight with Sid…” He looks ashamed, staring down, his hands now trembling. “I tripped, I panicked… and then you showed up.”
“Hmm…” Mrs. Brand shakes her head disapprovingly. “That’s your third fight this week, and I will take serious actions as soon as I find you in a fight one more time, young man.”
“Yes, ’mam,” Patrick mutters, his cheeks colouring red in the mean time.
“Get to your class, and leave Sid alone.”
“Yes, ’mam,” he repeats before he gets up and leaves the office. I stare after him in disbelief, but then turn to send Mrs. Brand a distrusting look.
“I don’t want a drink.”
She chuckles and smiles. “You already know too much.” She waves dismissively. “And you’re getting in an awful lot of trouble today. So I think it’s better for you to go home. I have more to do then solving your fights and get rid of suspicion. I called your mother and she’s on her way over. Take Davy with you, because I don’t like the idea of your mom alone with you while you’re out to look for fights.”
“But it is. Take Davy. He’ll be able to pull you back from your daze like he did just now.”
And that’s that. She makes me wait in her office until mom shows up to pick me up. Together, we wait for Mrs. Brand to get Davy from his class and with the three of us, we get in the car.
It’s awkward and silent for a while, and I wonder if they’re scared of me right now. Davy witnessed first hand what I’m capable.
Mom is staring forwards, keeping her eyes on the road. So far, she hasn’t said a thing to me.
I think she lacks the words to speak to me. I think she simply doesn’t know what to say.
Mrs. Brand told her what happened, and how I’m becoming more powerful every day. How the entity is taking me over more every second.
And I don’t know how to fight it.
I don’t even think I can. It’s just there, and it always shows itself unexpectedly.
“I can’t fight it, mom…” I mutter insecurely. “Don’t be mad.”
She takes in a deep breath, keeping it in shortly, before releasing it in a deep sigh. “Are you trying?”
“I don’t know how, mom…” I slide down in the seat a bit more, Davy nervously shuffling back and forth on the backseat. “How am I supposed to fight it, when I’m not even there whenever it shows?”
She presses her lips together in a small line, seemingly holding in frustration.
“Are you disappointed in me?”
“Honey, no!” She calls out. “We will get it out of you, somehow.”
“Where are we going, Mrs. Hayes?” Davy leans forwards, but quickly leans back again with a scared look, staring at me shortly.
I notice mom turned onto the highway, and now I’m confused too.
“I’m taking Sid to see someone. We need to try something…”
“Who?” I demand her to answer the question by using a stern voice.
“It’s one of the stronger Wiccans we know, and she agreed to meet you. She wants to meet you and then she’ll let us know if she can help. If she thinks she can, she will do whatever is needed to help you, today.”
“You’re going to cast it out of me?” I ask nervously.
Mom shakes her head and I notice a tear slipping from her eyes. “You’re too… it’s too strong… we need to weaken it first. It has too much hold on you and if we remove it from you, you’ll probably die…”
“You’ll be fine.”
And I’m not sure if I believe her.
The lady, called Esmeralda, stared at me for about ten minutes, before she started mumbling things, inching closer, circling me while waving her hands weirdly. All the while she kept mumbling.
And inside me, a restless feeling presented itself, and eventually I snapped at her, telling her to take her bloody magic and die.
She didn’t respond, and I snapped more insults her way, not once fazing her in her process.
The feelings of restlessness made place for anger, annoyance, and weirdly enough, fear.
Then, she turned to my mother, and told me she couldn’t do it alone. She couldn’t help me alone.
I laughed at her, and I didn’t want to. I felt shitty because she wasn’t able to help, yet I still laughed, like a maniac.
And now I’m in the car, my mom on the brim of tears, Davy silent and worried. And I’m still chuckling, and I can’t stop. I feel defeated and victorious in the same time.
“Sid, please, fight it…” Mom cries out desperately. “Stop… it.”
“I can’t…” I roll my head from left to right and smirk. “Is it annoying you?”
She swallows hard, and I notice Davy leaning forwards slightly.
“What’s wrong, Dave? Are you her guardian Angel now?” I laugh again, looking at him. “Fits you, since you are an Angel…”
Davy pulls an uncomfortable face. “Sid, you know you can fight it…”
“I am trying!” I yell at him, suddenly angry, myself, confused. “Why are we fucking fighting over this!?”
“Sid… calm down.” Mom tries to brush my hair from my face, but I slap her hand away. But I underestimated the power, causing her to yank the steering wheel at the force I used, swerving over the road, Davy seeking things to hold onto, mom trying to regain control over the car, and me staring at her in anger, not fazed by the car moving from left to right until she manages to pull it straight into the lane again. Another car honks and waves a finger in our direction as he passes us.
The gesture causes something to snap inside me, and I stare at the car full of hate, watching it swerve to the left, before it sways back to the right, heading towards the guardrails.
“Sid!” Mom and Davy call out in the same time, staring towards the car in horror, that only barely manages to avoid a collision.
Serves him right, asshole.
Mom suddenly steers the car to the right, stopping it at the parking lot behind the gas station. She leaves the engine running, tumbling out of the car in a hurry, trying to calm down from the shock.
“Sid… please…” Davy cries out. “Try to fight it more… you’re still here…”
“I am fighting it, Davy!” I shout at him, throwing the car door open to barge out of the car. “I am! I do everything I can, but nobody seems to trust me!” I yell at mom, I yell at Davy, I yell and nobody in particular.
Mom backed away from the car as soon as I got out, and I didn’t miss the fear in her eyes as she looks at me, Davy standing beside her with the same fear in his eyes.
It breaks my heart to see them this way, knowing they aren’t the only ones afraid of me.
Even I am afraid of me, and what is happening to me. This isn’t me. I was never out of control, I never had anger issues. But even when I feel like me, I’m consumes by hate and anger.
I feel the constant need to bash in things, to snap at people, and I feel a hate inside me that wants to kill.
Who knows how long it will take before I will start killing.
And I can’t let that happen.
And I showed Mr. Brightwaters the diary, he is going to find out how we can set the facts straight.
I asked Davy to help Angie and he promised me he would.
So maybe, this needs to end.
It simply needs to end.
Or at least, I need to prevent myself from becoming a murderer.
I stare at them, still consumed by anger, but pained by their expressions full of fear, backing away from them slowly, as I take in a deep breath.
“Sid… just calm down…” Mom sounds begging. “We’re not trying to argue…”
“Mom… I love you. I really do… and Annika… I love her so, so much… I’m so sorry for ever stepping foot in those woods…” I swallow, and suddenly my skin starts burning terribly, as I inch further away from the car.
“We know!” Mom calls out, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “And we love you too!”
“Sid…” Davy sounds alarmed, as I shortly look towards the road, and back to them, gasping as a jolt of pain hits my chest, nearly knocking me over.
I need to stop it, before I can’t stop it anymore. Before I lost all control and am at the mercy of this entity.
I stare at mom for a couple more seconds. “Tell dad and my sisters I love them too.”
“Sid? What are you doing!” Mom’s eyes widen and then I turn around and run as fast as I can, my skin burning more painful every inch I move closer towards the highway, and I suddenly feel as if my chest is being pulled apart, nearly causing me to black out. But with the last energy I have, I fight the black out until I climbed over the guardrail, mom and Davy shouting behind me, begging me to stop, and then I jump, in the exact same moment the pain becomes unbearable, in the exact same time a car hits me at full speed.