I must write a few words I do not know where to begin- I am hopeless at it all. From being the most popular girl; I became a outcast. The clan said you killed our very own and it is damnations for you. We disown you do what you like to do and come not for us for help for we will make sure you are hindered. Society did not want me. Everything I have known all my life made me the woman the waif the nothing. I become to be known as a felon slowly at first despite my youth I was a able fiend. When young one enjoys this aspect of oneself as the years gave me maturity I began to think it might not be a bad thing to belong again as paid the price. The thing was did not know how bitter the clan was how much they remembered and it did make me wonder what they really wanted.
“Murder happened.” they all shrugged justified.
“And why?” I answer.
“It happened.” they do not understand if they want to know I was there I was able then to tell the whole story. My amnesia had not come upon than.
The thing was they did not only shake me alive but I rattled so bad that it made me amnesic because I could not totally destroy their image of me inside their heads they had the image of someone obscene.
I do not know when the thoughts went chaotic and became submerged in time and place no longer there. There was a excuse and a good one because he attacked me first went for me but the thing was I never meant it. I did and I did not. The thing was him dying was a shock. I did not mean to hurt his feelings but he died. You see when a stone hits a man on the head it is instant death? It was I did not know what to make of how sudden it had been.
I killed my grand dad. He came for me I went for him and it was done. Now I am done for I am really done for. I have done it now. Why did he do it went for me he tried to make babies from me and no one believes that I can make babies. You know it is not impossible I am a girl I am you know although people call me boy. Why do they call me boy? I do not know I am uncertain because I fight all the time! It is not right to fight all the time when a girl one has to wear dresses and petticoats and be petty. I mean moan all day. I do not do any of this when they give me a parasol I hit someone with it.
But grand pa was not right in the head. He was not right after he thought his family would starve. That the family wanted a worker who was in their employ forever was a statement of fact. That I knew about it did not occur to me what they would do to get a employee. But the thought was also that granddad committed suicide by certain remarkable facts which come to me some time in the future. The thing was all wrong because granddad could not lift anything up and he had built a sturdy swing. There that was it and on that fateful day there was nobody around. Nothing moved not a blade of grass or a tree it was so still that day. I moved bubbling over and over holding granddad by the arm and almost dragging him to the swing because nobody had made me such a good present before.
My impatience communicating in him a grim silence so sobering he did shake a bit but he went perservered. He stopped for a minute and said another time perhaps.
“No grandpa now. I cannot wait for the swing will be molested by someone else and then the pleasure will be lost.”
I did not use the word molested did I?