Is This Death?
Another day I wake, another day it’s the same. I feel like I’m starting to forget who I am.
What was my name again?
I can hear them calling - searching. I think they’d be surprised to know that I may not have the soul they so desperately long for. The clocks hands are still ceased. I pray for release, screaming for a god to hear my pleas.
No one’s there, or if there is, it’s not answering my prayers.
What a sick and twisted game.
Through my window, the sun still hangs. For days, its sat unmoved at noon, like a golden medallion streaming rays through the shutters of this room, but I can’t feel their warmth. It’s sad not even the sun can warm my frozen spirit.
I glance at the clock again, “11:38”. I’ve lost track of time, but I feel that it’s been damn near twenty days. I haven’t ate, nor have I hungered. My thirst, quenched, without the taste of water. It mattered little either way, I couldn’t move anything while in this state. I couldn’t even lift the lunch, untouched on my plate. Everything was bound as if it was tethered to an unfathomable weight.
I look out the window into the streets. The cars, the people, everything still idle. I feel not even the pulse of my heart’s own beat. One would never understand this indescribable silence. A silence so silent, it screams. What a feeling of defeat. Absolute desolation, it’s harrowing to say the least.
Have I finally tasted death?
That’s the only logical answer it seemed. But this isn’t how it was suppose to be. I don’t think. And what are those things with their obsidian eyes and decayed teeth.
I collapse into the corner and bury my face in my knees. I want to cry but not even tears will grace me with the presence of release.
I’ve always been one to stay to myself, but this is madness.
I scream out. I don’t care if they could hear. I wanted them to. Unhallowed be their names. Thy kingdom come, my will undone, I’d rather be tortured in the flames. What have I done? What have I become? Take me. Take my soul. I no longer run.
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