{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.
Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
AFanofManyStuffs would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Vicious Cycles

By AFanofManyStuffs All Rights Reserved ©

Mystery / Horror

Chapter 1

Pain; a curious thing. A reaction to a traumatizing event. Opposite pleasure, oftentimes the same thing; hysteria.


Pain. Such a beautiful thing; twisting and writhing, and you mourn the memory of gladness; despair.

Pain, something for you to crave. A mudslide that you relish and dig in deep, where you feel like you’ll never get out of- that you’ll never want to get out of. Such beautiful things come from pain, begging and screaming and crying for it to stopstopstop but would never give it up for anything because it’s better than feeling nothing and reminds you that you’re alive in all of the dark beauty that is your soul.

Hope. It is odd at first; something that is foreign and strange, and you’re not entirely sure that it is good, but vaguely identifiable all the same. But with hope comes the memories of a better time and place; where such things were commonplace, and the pain comes again - comforting in its familiar slow burn; exquisite.

Nothingness. It is odd, to have no feelings. The mind seems stark without them. The pain doesn’t come as easily nowadays, and the physical kind is different. It lasts longer, but if it cannot always be fresh (the smooth sweet feeling of ribbon razorblade sliding under your skin and silkily drawing the beloved red substance that tastes sweet and is such a pleasure to pull, almost as good and oh so close to the pain), then it should not be inflicted.

Emptiness. It is not as familiar as nothingness, but close enough not to make too much distinction. But the thought seems to rattle around; echoing through your hollow shell. So you think so much it hurts, let the subconscious thoughts run through your brain at full speed, hardly comprehending them before they’re gone; barely slowing them down.

Wilting. You read something sad, so sad. The pain should cut deep, but it doesn’t. You want to cry, you should cry, but the tears won’t come. Have they been all cried out? You long for the feeling of salt on your skin as the tear tracks dry. Why can’t you cry? You want to cry.

Laughter. It comes slowly at first, only at the lewdest and wryest of jokes. Short bursts of sound that you don’t really feel. It’s more like hysterics, really. But it comes.

The emptiness comes longer, nowadays. Or rather, Nothingness. Only the Nothingness to keep yourself entertained, and you know what it feels to be a full Vulcan. They don’t notice anything; they never do- Excuses mixed with acting are all that’s necessary.

Music. Music is what fills your brain now, so that none of the darkness comes; none of the Emptiness or the Nothingness. But the pain still lingers, deep and behind barriers, oh, so many barriers. You can’t really feel the pain anymore, so instead you listen to music, and hope that you will feel once again… This lasts a while.

It is a crutch. You laugh; you smile; you walk and fly and feel free. You worry and despair, too. But stress comes on your shallow, shallow, fragile existence. The emptiness comes up again; wry, morbid humor the only thing to twist your lips into a cruel, ever so cruel smile. They never notice, as usual. Always as usual. But instead, you fade away. Your faint, fledgling hope dies, and your faint, painted on emotions fade in the harsh heat of summer. You still do the things you enjoyed, but it no longer brings you joy like it used to- what small measure you felt in the first place.

Obsession fills your days now. Sick, macabre obsession with all things termed as ‘dark’ and ‘evil.’ You make your own judgements, keeping what you have learned of shades of grey in mind, and find that you rather like it. The cruel, mocking humor; the always-looming ill-fated end rushing on them; unstoppable. You laugh at their misfortune as you always have, and find that recognition of your own darker side of nature leaves you feeling.

But it is small, and when you must return to the world which you live in, sterile apathy and the simple masquerade mask that you must wear comes back on; plastered on like a clown’s makeup. Every now and then, the old thoughts of escaping come to life. Escaping the boredom and the worry; even if only briefly overtaken by wonder of the novel in life. But those thoughts end as they always have- wait. The apathy comes back to the forefront, since you cannot feel the pain anymore.

But you would do almost anything for it to come back. It let you know you were human, with the ability to feel. These days, you doubt that you are, and your true appearance doesn’t help the doubting in the line of thought. Desperation comes back to haunt you like an old curse; floating up at odd, random, inopportune moments. If to bear emotions is the criteria for being human, then… you don’t qualify.

And a laughing voice echoes in your head, repeating in rows of off-balanced harmonies, singing that you always knew, you always knew, you always knew, you always knew, you always knew. And you are not completely, obsessively bothered by that mocking voice. You wonder, but it is idly - dispassionately, as all things that you say, do, or think these days are.

And one day, you look at yourself in the mirror, and you see something. Your eyes-

My eyes. My eyes, and their ever-loved blue-green-grey color have faded.

And there is no hope, or even spark of life.

My eyes… are dead.

And I am only mildly perturbed.


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, AFanofManyStuffs
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Tony Lee: Read this during my 7-hour flight. You've done a great job describing each situation, but I believe there is room for improvement. Also, the ending was a bit abrupt and I think the last part where Terry Hunter was brought in again (slight spoiler) wasn't really necessary.. But overall the story k...

tsolaidowu: I want a continuation dammit....I loved this book and the 1st one. I can't believe this is it. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Jeff and Lorie; and the gang. Great book and storyline. You're a genius Madelyn.

Ayesha Shaikh: I love the twists. 😆I like how the writer describes everyone's point of view and the character development. I'm gonna read all the books by this author (current and upcoming). She's one of my favorites now. The spelling mistakes are normal no big deal, the amazing plot makes up for it. Thank you ...

debmart6901: I could not put this story down. I stayed up reading when I should have been in bed. could not get enough, could not wait to find how it ended. Great story telling. Great detail. Loved it. The characters were very vivid.

harry142018: This story was gripping and very professionally written. With lots of twists and slight of hand tricks, the author deceives the reader until finally showing their cards at the end. With several subplots all intertwining to create the main plot, this really is an interesting and engaging read.

maewilde25: I liked this, though it dragged on for over 200pages and heaven knows I did not expect the plot twist in the middle. David being Cristiãn. I was wondering when he would show up and didn't know he was there all along. it looks like there should be a sequel, please let there be a sequel. I know the...

Krupa Kataria: the detailing is really awesome ....the characters, ur plots jst too Awsm ,m waiting for the further chapters please do complete it ...like m really craving for those ones ...great job with words too ..please complete the further parts ...

Ali Albazaz: I started reading "Caged" few hours ago and I'm on chapter 7 now. Caged is definitely one of the most addictive stories I've ever read. Thank you so much for writing this novel.

Atractivo Sumit: The story is an amazing blend of what we call natural, plain romance along with subtle emotions and interesting twists. The plot is so beautifully interwoven.

More Recommendations

C.K. Bachman: Just read the first chapter. Love how the main character thinks and is conflicted over his wife and the trickery he uses on her.

smile4me: Exciting page turner. I was barely able to put it down to go to bed. I can usually figure out the twists before they are revealed but not this time! Such a thrill to be surprised. I can hardly wait for the follow up!!

JanThompson: This book gives a beautiful description of a country which one rarely gets to see. The contrast between rich and poor is very evident too.The storyline actually sheds a compelling light on why women in certain countries sell themselves just to help their families or even to survive themselves. I ...

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.