I had the strangest dream last night. I had been walking along a wide road. All around me there were lots of people…grey people; I was the only one in color.
They were looking at me with their strange eyes, but everytime I blinked everything repeated itself, right from the beginning. I started to run, but I saw that everything I did, they did too.
I stopped. Everything became black. In front of me appeared a girl. She had long black hair and big red eyes. She didn't smile. She scared me. When she closed her eyes, the ground opened under my feet and fire rose from below, but, surprisingly, I couldn't feel it… I was floating. The girl looked at me and when said "die" I fell into the pit.
Suddenly, I woke up and prayed to never have a nightmare like this one. For a few days my prayer seemed to have worked for I did not have any nightmare, I didn't even have dreams, but on the fifth day since the time I saw her something changed. I wasn't asleep yet, I knew that all too well, but it looked like a dream. Everything was in slow motion, the colors blurred and mixed until grey filled my vision, it was happening again! "It can't!" I screamed at myself, "I'm not dreaming this time!" But it was real.
Frantically looking around I searched for her. I didn't find her, thankfully. Just as I was about to draw a breath and relax, the ground caved in and I heard the distinct sound of a little girl laughing. As I stayed there floating, I once again looked for the black haired, red eyed female. I was beginning to believe she wasn't human.
Crack! My eyes snapped toward the sound and in their quest I blinked. It didn't repeat, but color came back and I stood, soaking wet in the middle of the street during a storm. When it had started raining I did not know, but judging by the many puddles that decorated the road it was a while ago.
"Hahahaha…" I heard. It resembled an echo, coming from all directions and I shivered, but not from the cold. Standing in the middle of the road, while the girlish voice was still rezoning through the air, I made up my mind. I began to run back home, but the more I ran the longer the path grew. I was in a loop. The nightmare was still going on.
Slash! I felt rather then heard the blade of a knife coming toward me with exceptional speed, but I couldn't stop it, I couldn't move at all. It pierced the skin of my arm and drop after drop, my blood fell onto the ground mixing with rain water. It stung, but I ignored it. Looking around grey filled my vision once more. The rain was at fault, I should have realized sooner, but didn't.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw another knife approaching. This time I dodged it and ran faster as the house came into view. This is it! I thought, "I can escape her".
With all the speed I could gain, I reached the house … as it disappeared before my eyes. Petrified of fear, tears filled my eyes, but were soon engulfed by darkness and the insane laugh grew darker and closer to me. Soon, the once childish voice turned to a demonic laughter, like a hyena hunting its prey. "Now what?" I asked myself. I started to run again, but the road split in many, many roads. I tried to follow only one path, but every step I took hurt my feet as if pieces of glass were scattered only on the path I chose to take.
There seemed to be no hope at all, until I finally woke up again … and I continued my life as it once was, except … I didn't sleep anymore, I didn't even close my eyes for more than one second at a time, I was so very tired, because every now and then, she would appear … closer and closer, until I fell asleep again after five days … always five days.
I was lying myself, thinking "It's going to be fine this time" or "This is just a dream" and I kept on going like this until a raindrop fell on my cheek. It was raining again and this time … I wasn't sure that the torture will end … at least not with me alive. As I heard her voice again, I thought "It really can't be human" … I could feel the blades of small, thin daggers piercing my skin and twisting the bones inside my body and I closed my eyes for the pain was to much to take. Suddenly, I was tied up, several meters above the ground, on a wooden pole and her image fell from the sky to my face.
The torture began. Even as she ripped my heart out, I didn't die. She didn't want me to die. The tainted rain burned like acid and I was screaming with all the power I had left. Hours passed like months and I grew old … rotten on the pole and she appeared one last time to free me … "Why?" I asked "Why did I have to lose my life?"
She smiled to me and a tear fell from her beautiful red eye and then, as she was leaving she replied to me "Why? … Why was I not allowed to live? … You betrayed me! … Just five days after I came into existence. Why did you not love me?"
Only then I started to remember the days of my youth … the days when my sick mind used people to attain it's own goals … the days of my tainted past that I wanted so dearly to forget … and I did forget everything … until now, when I remembered the day when I conceived her … and in the fifth day of spring … I killed her … the fifth day after she was born … since then, I ran from my dark past to the future … and I hoped it would turn out well, though it didn't and now I can see my lost daughter walking away … all grown up …
She left peacefully and disappeared into the grey abyss. The rain became her blood and I woke up one last time, to see my husband and children crying, old people lying … to see myself dying, in a crystal coffin with cherry blossom petals falling from the sky in the fifth day of spring … and then I heard a newborn baby laughing happily, oblivious of the funeral, while her mother's eyes were filled with tears for me … the baby had red eyes and her mother was my sole daughter …
They're my own veins
Any more than a whisper
Any sudden movement of my heart
And I know, I know I'll have to watch them pass away
Just get through this day
Give up your way, I could be anything
Give up my way … and lose myself … not today
That's to much guild to pay
Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
When you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
Honey you know, you know I'd never hurt you that way …
You're just so pretty in your pain
Give up my way, I could be anything
I'll make my own way
Without your senseless hate … hate … hate … hate …
So run … run … run
And hate me, if it feels good,
I can't hear your screams anymore.
You lied to me,
But I'm older now
And I'm not buying baby,
Demanding my response,
Don't bother breaking the door down,
I'll find my way out …
And you'll never hurt me again …"
("The last song I'm wasting on you"
- Evanescence -)