You are a user not like us. You are something so wicked and dull to be looking at us in that way we do a lot for humanity our ancestors have too. How can you speak to us all like that? I am a service user because I had been a slave but that is nothing there is all this oceans of hospitality left. Down on the ladder never reaching even the pitch and there is not even a tent to stop the rain water when the dollops of thoughts come to make one heave. Murder will out and there is something now something which states he wants me dead. Murder someone else somewhere else why don't you?
When love dined it died someone else did the dancing I did the work and there is nothing in between with me he is old and worn out with her he looked like a God. What is the difficulties I have with that?
"Frightful people them who do not want to know us. Common they be too. Simply difficult." Impertinence what an idea calling at all hours and keeping us from each other. That we live and life as we do there is all this impertinence which we dislike. Why do we love this world when people come into our face and we dislike them. You know what is there for what is when coming and leaving and going it is justice which we dislike. Beauty is what we believe in and why because that it is when we behave well and better because we are that good.
Being a serving like woman I had to behave like them be like them and eat like them because if one does not then hurt like nothing in this world. Dignity taken out and about and flown into the wind. It is okay it is right that we should do this to you because you nothing no one.
"I mean to destroy you." Is it Jane or mother they are the sane and I am th e
"It is likely you shall." Jane go away and steadfastly she stayed. The thing is like a second skin she stays because she a bloody vulture. At the corpse as if the wrench had not the wit to say no and mean it. Look I am a psychologist and Freud said we all bisexual.
"Imps to seek us out in our lives and try to know us it is truth we share when we dislike that."
"We behave nicely to all and we do not get rude."
"We are what we are."
"We do well and best."
We were not on speaking terms to most of them who were difficult and frightful. This meant most of the world. There was a gap in our interior knowledge how to behave in public and do manners well. Mostly I was self educated by books and stuff.
Frightful I mean frightening it was to be aloof and alone? We were mostly superior. Nothing like us at all. We were so high and mighty we had to work in the kitchens. I did not care for that.
Flies in there too most of the world had flies did not mean anything but me I had to take them out of the kitchen and clean the place up. Why asked mother why did I do such a stupid thing?
"You have no answer do you because you still a child."
Not really nearly nineteen.
I thought about the worse that can happen and it went not along that way but something far worse. I found the difficulties in the social services insurmountable. Their keenness to something like a deaf ear worm was the key to their success. Children or young people have so many communication barrier and they went through the loops of the lot. They heard nothing seen no one in particular went berserk about money and then sat down and said kind words. It is a lousy business. The thing to be is grown up about it because that is your mum and she needs care and attention and what the children need to now you can be useful and do something about the wasted school and chances. I did see the point the wasted chances I had been given meant now I had to see to it that I did nothing wrong. Did everything right and become a caring woman.
“Like two performing rhinos they came upon the scene having it out and then mated and became in my mind handbags.”
“But sorry for butting in why?”
Where does one go from here and what I'm I supposed to do without support now supporting two girls who were teens and one mother who was in anger issues and a madman called dad's. Well it is all what you deserve for staying said the psychologist. If you had moved out this would never have happened.
So, I had to sit put and stranded emotionally as well as financially it meant me having to seek help and hand outs and all that mattered was that I had to be strong enough to take my medicine and be able to speak.
People said to me how brave you are and wonderful I had not begun to suss out what they meant. What they meant was we are helping him and her take what is yours and smiling into your eyes while we do it.
“How brave you all are.” I thought when I can blow this system apart if I learn to write.”
But the thing was they did not think they were being observed as concerned to the end they swept me along in their open-minded contempt. My solitude seems to upset them the most because if I got someone they would be in the clear. They offered no resistance to my partaking of their triumphs and they left me plenty of room to fail. How dared I cross the line between what was the right blue and me the wrong red. I was nothing but unimportant just a girl and that mattered nothing to these people because they had their blood truth be told true blue blood.
So, they discouraged him and encouraged the perfect union because as I said they were like rhinos on heat.
I had been reading that play about rhinos and then thought the rhinos might escape and there might be a stamped or something this occasionally alarmed me so much I had to go and read another play. It seemed that he and me had lost the common ground? We had nothing we had no bodies left my function was to list his sleeps. He came to sleep because he so shattered. I fled emotionally because of course life does not stop because the male has left the scene it continues marks one seems to be forever moving onwards to something called disaster. He begun to dislike the way I looked did not seem to think I looked pleasing did not treat me with anything as if he a brother or an old friend which he indeed had become. We drifted. Like in that room before the wife who now as the doctor wanted my material to rob to pillage in order to work out some sort of story because she did matter in the world and had so many commitments and of course she disliked to spend money on material why bother when one can have it for free? Because her and her husband inside the material and technically it belonged to them.
It is a high-handed robbery?
“Oh, but she does not see it like that.” And then I added, “You see they had to eat their cake and I had to watch being diabetic you see.”
This was the second reasoning this was the one who had the reasonableness I left the scene as a tax payer and was paying somehow in something more than money.
In our house the payments are always done in blood and it has become so in Britain to the poor pay in blood.
“No, they don’t they work?”
“What happens when the work is done and one does not have any more energy?”
“What did it do to you seeing your best friend and her man shacking up?”
“My man you mean?”
“But no longer yours.” She pressed the panic button my raising my voice meant she in extreme peril.
Having released the panic button, we continued as comfortably as possible.