What did she do when she alive what did she look like what happened to make her this enemy? Nobody seems to realise what she was where did she come from what did she make a living in and why does nothing appear to be sought from her eventually her line is dead her phone is dead everything about her is dead is she deceased or somewhere else?
“Who mattered to her who made her happy what made her sad? Why is she no longer important but is a shadow of her former self? Why did she become so angry with the world what did she do wrong?”
“What does it matter what she did she now the obstacle to our paths get her out of our lives and we live happily and merrily forever afters.”
“She is our worse enemy?”
“Enemy? Yes, I suppose she was.”
“Look honey you can’t watch while daddy and daddy are having sex.”
“Look this is a letter I found in some place where she does speak so sincerely truthfully and does not seem to be a bad person.”
“Well read it man I have not my glasses.”
The thin man goes to the wall without the womanish attire is it a man or a woman one does not realise because the one with the glasses does not seem to care.
Mother I have forgotten who I am what I was and who used to love me, Mother there is not much of me left but this slob sobbing now because there is nobody to listen to me anymore. That in some romantic novel I belong in the Turkish genre and this is sobbing terrified tears out of me. The literary effort which the tutor said was not much compared to the grandness of poetry. I feel that my life is base compared to the grand and the great and might be this jarring tone. I am now quite out of jink without the right attire or the thought to belong in the reality of being this woman who used to be a child tearing down the walls which now enclose humanity.
Most of us now belong in the real world and in the real world it is all about who has the money. When a child does not have the means that makes it nothing. Throw the child something like a parent and that child has something. When the parents did not mate but did in fact become a rape and his victim then that is a sorry state of affairs when the child is meaningless, A means in order to avoid prison. Because for some reason in the law of the land the victim can dump the child onto the rapist. I feel this is not wise but then that is because what had happened to me. Some other rapist could be the best of fathers.
“Our father which art in heaven hollow be thy name.”
“What is she saying?”
“Art is therapy.”
“Script where is this going to get me how much money and when does it come out the story the tensions and all that?”
“We must not dare say a word otherwise we would be put in prison.”
“Jailed for doing what?”
“Take the pockets out and see if there is anything in them?”
“Found it a fiver.”
“Then we say nothing. Not a word.”
Anyway having a father who has raped the mum and then the mum being as he said cleverer than himself and he left holding that baby which he can’t mate with can’t sell this meant he now had to get his sister to marry in order that he could become the family husband of his sweetheart which is what he did Nothing intervened with their plans and he did prosper and all was forgotten. Until the child started to recall this and that then the child me grew up and there was this anger inside me unaccounted for. I mean how dare he and how unaware and what an unnatural father when he siting on the gold mine and me inside this little house without that much money. So, what did he do he come to take that too? He said if I was complaining he had no other option and he enlisted his son and heir to it too? Of course, he too is a budding actor and the disguises are so very natural now.
It is as if this precious babe is no more and, in its place, there is a piece of dirt and hand me down. Like the scum the rubble which is in the street as if nobody has me or has to have me in their house in the living room in their hearts. It is so loose mother as if the key which unlocks the chains are forever forfeit and I am now the only member who left the stage with stage fright and become this other person. This girl whom nothing could have unscrewed from laughing is now has the fondness for tears as if they would come immediately she is not aware, Mother the fool is I that said I would never forgive or forget my foolish pride did forgive in the end and I could see what you done to us is wrong but you could not help yourself and there is not much a woman can forgive but the invasion of her house and property. That and her body which she said belonged to her husband and it was taken from her that and masked as love the lust waned and he transferred his interest to me and you knowing I was his child leapt to the conclusion of what a good revenge it would be. Mother there is something I can say which says there is too much of you in me to leave me. The failure of today is most parents are not mature in their growth to have children when the child had to grow up before the parents and state her case to them. The thing was dad is a criminal. J can’t change this I never could I have tried but he has many states of mind and they all involve crime. How to cart the things which are others is the key to his failure as a human beast.
“Daddy raped my mother then he had to become the daddy because mother would not.”
“No one saw how it was?”
“Nothing mattered but the joke.”
“Daddy where is my dad?”
“When the dad was a rapist of the house which saw mum indoors and then she fled and fled never to return again.”
“Where did she go?”
“I saw her around.”
“Around me dear never you mind.”
“So, your daddy became both mummy and daddy?”
“No, his sister became my mummy.”
Nothing is of interest to society but their own phones and the internet they want to talk and communicate then when the other person is listing their grievances they do not listen because they have that much in common we have two minutes to spare and life is complex and we do not expand that much but in the novels. And this is not a novel no it is compared to something else and there is nothing of interest when we do not know the genre and where it came from. So do behave and be a good girl and take your thoughts which are highly unpleasant elsewhere.
Do not suffer fools gladly he said and she said it again it is my seconds he said it is what it is he came with his second in order to make it right the duel which had gone wrong for a long time. Shot me in the heart he did and then left me to bleed. He did not know about that he did not know and lack of feelings which he had for me because he now with a proper wife and family did make me cry all the time and that is because of dad. He thought dad was the very thing which stood in the way of happiness and he said it you’re in love with him? No wrong dad that is not my dad but he did not stop to listen. You see these days people are always busy on the phone or some connection is lost and I was not wearing pretty clothes he had no idea these were important to him but they were.
When a man is always inclined to look at glamour his wife being that youthful girl and all that he did not have time a moment or anything on his mind but them. But he said he my friend and he would always be so. I am a disaster I thought hatred brewing and that matters do it not when someone loves someone more than he you? He not knowing this of course he did eh thought he a good friend and he was nothing of the sort he did not know it but there was to be my death wish dad said the moment he wed that girl he was going to show me what he thought of me. I look forward to it I answered him.
So, when he asked me if he could wed his wife the mother of his child? I said of course why not you are hardly here at all. What does it matter to me?
Life is about this howling lack of will. If I had less in love, I would never have said it but the thinking had left me. I did not feel anything but shame I felt like something was so dirty inside me outside me as if I was covered in dirt.
“The hot water did not work the gas did not ignite there was not enough water left.”
“There is not enough water inside the light does not do the work what is happening everyone is not so distressed by this lack they are looking well-worn and healthy but dirty too.
I smell of fat and there is more fat on me than on the grill what was I to do? I did not dare say a word the worst they could do was say nothing they just gloated smiled they just smiled at me.
That we as the undersigned do not know a thing about this whole situation?
“Of course, sir do away with me sir.”
“You are in the wrong.” He said in some gentle sorrow.
“I thought of him dead and buried and thought it was nothing to do with that he was itching to do away with himself. You see never go to this and that adding to the population when you are supposed to be a in a romantic dalliance, he just did not have the time to be anything but this grand man of this and that and the other. Then I could have left him he said he asked for me to do nothing. It was an impasse and I was going to not reason with him but let him have his way with whatever he asked for whatever he wanted than feed on him. He must be suicidal coming with her to this shop with me in such a mood too.