When laughter rules the world and the worst things happen what do they do? All of us now sat together like lemonade and making the wrong guttural sounds. We need help but where to go fetch the dog when does he come and where is my daddy this constant drum inside me where is my daddy where is me what and who I am does not remember does not see. That is good does not remember we can start anew make her up and make it all go away.
The lies begin of course not this bright smile this sunny day this underneath it all this scum this fiend protecting himself doing away with the muck and having to muck in because otherwise the thing would tell.
What no talking now nothing bad happened to you nothing bad. Hush my kiddo nothing at all happens to us what can happen?
“Bad daddy is doing something bad mum.”
“With whom my child your dad is the nicest of man.”
“Men must be awful than?”
“What is your sister doing?”
“I’ll go and see.”
“Gooseberry go away.”
“You are not going to believe this mummy but sister is trying to have sex?”
“Too young honey one does not have sex until at least ten.”
“So, I did not see right?”
“That is the answer.”
“Right answer for a change.”?
What do mummy do wrong? I wondered endlessly if only I knew the answer to the question. The thing was doing not know it felt wrong it just not right in the head or something. I was sympathetic mummy was not right in the head that was why she was doing these strange things. So, mummy had to be put right and to make her do right one had to recondition her.
“Mummy had to go to the doctor.”
“Yes, in order to make her do right.”
So, whenever mummy did wrong off, we went to the doctor. In that way mummy was sure to be seen too. But in the end mummy was not right in the head anyway and I had wasted my entire life trying to make her right.
When mummy was not right because she had a hard head then I went to daddy to make him right as well? Yes, I was a constant nurse.
“What do you want?”
“To see if you are doing something daddy?”
“See I am worn out now scram.”
The past and the present sometimes combined to create this perfect world of this and that. I was in some in between world where the wit of me had left me I was now clinically insane.
Stuff and nonsense which she had fed him about his position and hers and that they mattered more than me had done the trick. That she was now my controller as she the wife the woman who had the power over him as well as I. That now I had gone over the edge it did not mean I was not there it meant now I did not feel a thing.