They are kerb crawling. The men who were the family. They sort of shy away from the truth. I am being chased by the familiar family. The dudes now their grandsons are chasing me. The wives and daughters have something they leave a message on their phones and probe why don't you? You know sleep around? You are a whore after all.
Who are these people? The man sat in the chair. last night lost in lusts when it is Ramadan. Him leaving this earth and going straight to hell. This made me fear for some reason. The thing is folly why did he feel such lusts for a woman asleep. It was my mum. Why should anyone feel lust for a lost woman? I realised the man was the mister in the relationship. At night there would be a loud hump and then mum would smoother her sounds. Mother had been having it with him for some time. But he disliked her now she was now a whore a waste of time. Dad dislikes whores to such an extent he told Tom and me how he did not pay them.
Then Tom went and we did the usual thing and there is nothing I say which he listens to. It is all in my head. He feels it is indeed and the world is his oyster as the chap who might be anyone said. Who said it love I do not know names do not ask me for names. He was just anyone eventually turned out to be my half brother.
He had many identities anyway and might swap himself for anyone might come and go at will. He has many passports. Like they all do you see one foreigner looks exactly like the other. And it is not only us. He said that made him feel safe but not me.
What is there what is there but this endless procession of disasters waiting to happen. When Tom does not listen does not understand the danger. The very danger which we both are now in?
Tom almost gloats at my discomfort. He thinks it is me being fanciful and somehow foreign. He the macho male white and powerful and nothing of the sort.
My family want to discipline me and he just grins.
When they all behave as one and look as one. A woman of your family caste does not marry someone white. A pansy white man.
My step brother or half brother feels the same because a man can marry anyone he choices. Because he cannot be corrupted. But a woman is strange.. She is seemingly so corrupt that the moment they go to bed she caves in the secrets of all the clan.
Now it is nearly six. I am trying to be quiet as a mouse so quiet that the sound will obliterate me. If I cried. So quiet that the very noise would disturb me as well.
There is nothing on our minds but the destruction of each other. Mother knows she will win the game because she is now doing a spell. I reverse the spell and hope there is no evil in that potion because whoever takes the dose will surely become what they hoped for because of the other party being the taker and the potion is a disaster turned out it was a very dangerous spell.
What part did the past play a major part they raped mother. Raped her made her an outcast sold to her because dad said discard.
"Surely not father?"
"Yes a woman cannot marry twice."
This is the common practise for discards. That is because displeased him and made him mad. He threw his arms in the air speaking as if inn twists and turns. The disdainful behaviour when young made me turn white. His whole mannerism spelt the spell of doom.
"Never marry until sure."
"A marriage which is blessed."
Discipline is the key to their success. Every girl does as she is told otherwise this happens.
Everyone is agreeable to this. They think I cannot hold it. Of course they are because the surprise party is when the girl says no, They are so besotted with the thought this card game this gamble.
This bet that they have nothing but that on their minds.
“We loved you we need to see what is there inside you.”
"Nothing but this filthy thinking who wants thinking in a woman?"
One gets it. The pretty girls do not think. Then when one is walking this China man comes trying to pick a fight and I lead him to the police station when he makes a run for it. There is always tomorrow. Is there not? There are so many tomorrows.
That today is less romantic. We glower as we glow from the stings of the fight.
"How many jerks are there?" I ask myself this question many times.
What is happening? I feel helpless trying to explain it to you. When there is nothing but this anger and hatred thrown towards me. I am the brunt of some absurd joke. The joke is that someone is out to get me someone powerful.
"Miss or Mrs?"
"Fucking heck Miss." They ask me that question many years. Don't they know the answer by now?
"Who my dear?" Mother had asked softly. She had no idea at all. She never had the world was so safe and secure with her money in the bank. It did not stop them from killing her. No she died of natural causes the autopsy said. Was her curse to be so nasty? A heart attack brought on from irregular beats.
"When we do something we do it well and better than most."
The China man hit me. Then he left the train. There was I with the whole thought that I was smashed to pieces. I had no idea why he had hit me. He said for me to move when I did not budge from the seat because was drawing. He hit me.
That is an assault. There was nothing I could do went to the managers office and complained. He added to their delight as they saw the whole thing on camera and laughed out loud. I thought they were delighted with the situation.
"Nice shot it was too."
"Good I am glad you find it amusing." But do not speak there is this awful thing. Already I have had water then they brought me tea.
In my own case in my very own case yes, I am a case now.
There is almost this glee within that little managers office. Sometimes wrong reaction is the most awful thing. Some poor woman is hurt and they in something like orgy of merriment. This makes me so depressed I leave their office before I attack them or do other stuff like cry. So leave immediately.
Do you get the drift? Some sort of new sex party nothing else. There is nothing wrong with being the new type of criminal these gang killings. Or hunting haunting the animal until it dies.
“Is what she was a woman theorising ?"
"I have had practical demonstrations."
“Was she an academic?”
“I do not think so.”
"The manager has gone to study something and will not be available until end of the month."
In the past they had stoning. Now this? What is this? Some new abuse? We have this gang lusts and go after the different the difficult with new gusto. And the impossible? What is there is and it is that. A distressed woman sat on a chair while the managers are laughing at her ordeal. We shall show them.
From stoning to this? Well we have evolved.
Left me vulnerable.
They should have left some time ago they should have gone but they stayed. It is as if they are goring me down and down. Like a drill and they don't feel anything for my pain. They don't see me as flesh and blood. They see me something as if alien. To be got rid of because interfered with their lives. If they see me get up they come for more.
I had nothing to do with the manager. He was not one of my victims. So why does he feel the same? Half wit he is your brother.
"It is not a real person it is only a pretend one." There is no connection no emotion as if I was some dirt.
It is most unsettling.
"You must watch this one man. The action which was replay."
I might really be afraid.
"Has some pizza arrived?"
They sit down to watch.
No that is not right.
"But they are so hungry when they are doing bad because it is so funny."
"Well what matters is someone might talk."
Bloody blood pressure has risen so high I might have to rocket home.