Blood and guts stream across the screen, I laugh uproariously. The only thing scary about this movie is the looks I’m getting from the couple in front they need to get a life. I mean seriously her hiding her head in his shoulder is a sure sign of first date - make him feel brave and strong, a load of crap.
I’ve long since stopped going to movies for anything to do with romantic notions. I like to immerse myself into the cinema screen and not be bothered by some idiot fumbling beside me. I mean if I want to do that the last place I’d do it is in the cinema. I like my full attention on the task in hand, if you know what I mean.
No these days I have bigger concerns when I go to the cinema, I like to go to horrors because if I can I like to re-enact what I’ve seen, I’m the ultimate copycat killer. Lazy in murder as I am in everything, screams and gasps are easily hidden with the inane crowd that flocks to these, I’m merely giving the survivors something they can remember for ever.
I usually go for people on their own, the loners that not many will miss, I had one who wasn’t discovered for three days. Three days, I haven’t been to that cinema since, I mean for fuck sake, clean the place. Today may be different as I can’t think of a more deserving couple to serve my needs than the ones in front. If they're not glaring at me to stop laughing, but laugh I must, there gazing into each others eyes instead of the screen. Sickeningly, simpering twats, turn my stomach more than the movie ever could.
Oh cool, only about twenty minutes left and it looks like the couple’s going to get it. Yeah, while their kissing straight through her head with the knife, he turns around and looks in horror as does his counterpart sitting in front of me. I decide to do a little twist because he really is an obnoxious prick, on screen he’s stabbed in the heart while he leans over to try and restrain the attacker. I go straight for the throat, great neither has the chance to scream, they collapse into each other, to the casual observer in the darkness they’ll look like there getting it on. I’ve no need to wait until the end I’ve had my happy ending, satisfaction and release coursing through my veins, heaven. I can’t resist taking a quick photo, a selfie with them behind me, these phones are great, I can upload and mess around with it to my hearts content when I get home.
I love the movies, I always end up the star of the show, always the villain never the hero.
I buy more popcorn and coke I have work to do when I get home. My screen may be smaller but the viewing more enjoyable.