And She Answered The Door Naked

And She Answered The Door NAKED!
by
Wallace Williamson

Just to be clear, nobody in Collins Crossing, Mississippi ever answers their door naked. No way,no how! Maybe they do stuff like that down in New Orleans, being the legendary sexual degenerates and all they claim to be down there. Or maybe over in Mobile when The Tide’s on a roll or something. Closest I ever heard about something like that here in th’Crossin’ is old man Schwartz, who’s sometimes seen wandering around outside in his wife-beater (though he’s never been married that I know of) T-shirt and boxer shorts, hence the nickname “Shorts Schwartz.” When I got the pizza delivery order for the old Boatwright house, last thing ever occurred to me was a drop-dead gorgeous naked woman answering the door.

But that’s what happened …I think!

Bertha Boatwright was the scariest old woman I ever knew for real. She taught High School science. Our High School never was real big, so she taught everything science related, for about a hundred years, maybe longer. She taught both my parents, who said she was sweet and kind if she liked you and meaner than the Devil if she didn’t. Time I got to her she was old and liked pupils only if she could remember liking their parents. I got lucky in that respect, though she still scared the living shit out of me. But then, even old folks always said “Yes Ma’am” and “No Ma’am” to Bertha Boatwright.

Being a science teacher and all, ol’Miz Boatwright was a collector of natural (and sometimes unnatural!) oddities. For the better part of forty years, kids brought her weird crap they’d found in the woods or found in Indian mounds or just laying around places most folks never bothered to look. She had a lot of real creepy stuff in jars on shelves in her classroom. Word was she kept the really freaky shit in her basement. Nobody I ever knew ever claimed to have actually seen any of it, but everybody knew it was all down there just the same.

That old Boatwright house sat back off Dupuy Street way up towards the end, behind lots of giant trees and overgrown hedges. It was dark and scary when ol’ Miz Boatwright lived there (she never got Trick Or Treaters!), only went darker and creepier in the twenty odd years since she’d died and rotted for a couple of hot August weeks before somebody found her. Place was up for sale for five years before somebody from Memphis bought it, then put it back on the market three months later. Been like that ever since. Yeah, you guessed it: Haunted House! I didn’t even know anybody was living there until I got told to take a Triple Deluxe Supreme with Double Meat and Cheese up there just before we closed at midnight.

I know what you’re thinking: “Bullshit, nothing stays open ’til midnight in Collins Crossing.” And up until about a year or so ago, you’d be right on the money about that. Then Pedro and Georgianna Mendez came in and bought up the old abandoned Lion service station and turned it into Poppa Pedro’s Pizza ’N’ Tacos. First one of those we ever had, far back as anybody can remember anyway. In order to make ends more or less meet, Poppa Pedro’s opened at 10:00 in the morning and closed somewhere around midnight. Which worked out just fine for me; I work the night shift delivery and get plenty of time to study.

Plenty of time for most things actually. Lost my daddy back in the big tornado and flood of ’91 that almost wiped the whole town off the map. Just me and Momma since then. After the Army, I signed up at Ole Miss to learn something useful I might be able to make a halfway decent living at. Being close enough to come home most nights and weekends makes Momma happy; she’s getting on up there and misses Daddy more and more. Georgianna gave me a box of leftover tacos to take home to her after my delivery up at the old Boatwright place.

Still don’t know what ever happened to those lil’suckers …

So up Dupuy hill I chugged in my (restoration-in-progress) ’69 Mustang, great big boxed-up Poppa Pedro’s Triple Deluxe Supreme with Double Meat and Cheese pizza snugly wrapped in one of Momma’s old wool fake-Indian blankets. Time I got up to the hilltop turn, it was pretty much pitch dark; only streetlight up here was burned out and wasn’t nobody around to complain about it … nobody alive, anyway. Collins Crossing never was big enough to have a whole lot of streets, having grown up here I was pretty sure I knew them all; even Dupuy Street … and the town cemetery at the end!

Somebody (Hurvis Tutor) stole ol’Miz Boatwright’s fancy wrought iron mailbox long time ago, but I knew well enough where the driveway turn-off was … everybody did! When I turned in,n my headlights caught on the worn-out and shot-up FOR SALE sign with a smaller NEWLY REDUCED PRICE! sign hanging below and a big red SOLD! placard stuck proudly on top. Somebody buying the old Boatwright place was usually big-ticket news in th’ Crossin’ and I briefly wondered why I hadn’t heard about it, though not for long because the driveway was long and twisty and mostly overgrown and darker than the butthole of hell. Driveway dipped down way lower than Dupuy Street for better than half of it before climbing back up to the knoll the big old house sat on, forming a shallow little valley that was now full of fog, which was kind of weird because I figured it was too hot for fog. And it was definitely a hot, sultry night, which is why my car windows were down; first thing goes tits-up on a ’69 Mustang is the air conditioner, usually just before the door and window handles start falling off and won’t stay back on. Never noticed fog that smelled like anything worth remembering before, but this stuff smelled … dead … old dead … graveyard dead. Guess it must’ve rolled in from the town cemetery up over the hill, which only made sense if you didn’t think about it.

Wasn’t any lights on anywhere except the ones on my car until I got right up to the big old house and saw a soft, faint glow in one of the downstairs windows. Probably candles or an old coal-oil lantern; getting the electric turned on in th’ Crossin’ usually took longer than it did in most Third-World countries. I beeped my horn to alert whoever was inside not to shoot my ass when I knocked on the door, gathered up the still mostly warm midnight munchies and left my car headlights shining on the front porch and door so I wouldn’t fall through any of the numerous holes in the rotted-out porch floor. My heart was beating like an over-revved car engine and I had to keep reminding myself to breathe! Man, this was the creepiest damn place I ever went to by myself, and I couldn’t help but wonder why the hell I was doing it for $2 in gas money and a tip likely to be less than half that!

Just as I started to knock, the door opened sort of like all by itself … I shit you not!

And there she stood … the most stunningly beautiful woman my eyes had ever seen in real life!

And she answered the door … NAKED!
Butt-assed NAKED!
I shit you not!

Back in th’Army I’d seen videos of naked girls answering the door naked after a pizza guy knocked, but they all looked fake and I never really believed shit like that really happens in real life.

Now …
She just stood there.
Too still to be alive.
Too beautiful to be real!
Like one of those high-end paintings …
They used to put in Playboy magazine …
Or the ones now made with computers.

She was backlit by some kind of soft reddish-blue light (I know … but that’s what it looked like, ok) … or maybe the light was coming from her! Without moving a muscle, I heard a soft, lusciously sexy voice in my head say, “Enter and join me of your own free will … or leave now and take away no memory of our encounter.”

Wasn’t like a real voice; more like the one you hear warning you not to do that really stupid fucking something you really really want to do! Any sane and god-fearing individual would’ve turned and hauled ass quicker’n greased lightening!

I never had a chance …

Without even knowing I was doing it, my feet stepped through the doorway; rest of me naturally followed. She smiled and raised her arms out, hands beckoning me to her. I dropped the pizza box and barely noticed the mushy splat as it hit the splintery wooden floor. As I crept across the short space between us my befuddled mind began to register details of her immaculate appearance.

Long curly reddish-blond hair …
That seemed to kind of …
Sparkle …
Like Jessica Rabbit’s dress!

Bluish-green eyes that seemed to practically glow …
From impossibly deep and far away …
And just maybe …
A really long time ago.

Dark red lips …
Color of dry blood …
That both pouted …
And smiled …
At the same time!

Perked up nipples …
Same reddish-brown as her lips …
Except …
They seemed to glow …
Softly …
From within!

Large, perfectly taut breasts …
Only an artist could conjure …
That beckoned with timeless solace …
Of the cradle of Heaven.

Mesmerizing reddish-blond triangle …
At the join of her long, luscious legs …
Exploded my heart with lust …
Choked my mind with obsession …
And struck me up painfully throbbing hard!

And as I stood salivating like a stupefied school boy …
Though I knew my eyes were deceiving me …
A wet red satin forked tongue …
Flicked out from between her lower lips …
And put the Come Hither upon my soul!

Just as I got almost close enough to touch her outreaching hands, I finally noticed strands of small red jewels (rubies?) encircling her fantastic body in strange patterns that my modern mind couldn’t quite comprehend but my primordial subconscious both knew and feared! Each of the multitude of miniscule gemstones, connected by intricate weaves of fine gold thread, seemed to glow just a little bit; creating unique clusters of symbols that I somehow knew were older than any language of man. In the moment before I finally touched her, I realized that the jewels and golden thread were not upon her darkly complexioned skin, but rather integral to it … though that, of course, was impossible!

My fingertips seemed to burn when they touched her magically shimmering skin; a strangely sensual burn not unlike touching very cold ice, though far more erotic! When she wrapped her beckoning arms around me I felt subtle electrical shocks straddling the border between pain and ecstasy course through my entire body as I melted into her like butter into warm bread. “What … are … you?”

“I am your every need,” the voice of the Whore of Babylon sighed from deep within my psyche. “Your every … desire!”

And it was just about then …
That I noticed that I too …
Was also somehow stone-butt-naked …
Though to this day ...
I still have no idea ...
When that even happened!

She looked like a living wet dream …
Tasted like sweet cream frosting …
Smelled Heavenly as the Mother of God!

Too damn perfect to be real …
Like one of those 4-D things at Disney World …
Or really great VR CGI porn!

On top of all that impossible perfection, she seemed to somehow … shimmer!

Like an image projected onto gently swirling mist!

But somehow I knew …
In my heart of hearts …
That she was as real as God …
And maybe just as omnipotent!

And all my stupefied brain could manage was the idiotic question, “You ordered a freakin’ pizza?”

That lyrically soft, lusciously sexy voice in my head answered, “The food is for you … you … are for me …”

God help me …
She meant every word of it!

Whoever she was … what ever she was … she knew exactly what she was doing; like she’d been doing it long before ancient men finally climbed down from their trees and started running around naked in the jungle trying to fuck whatever they could catch; maybe she was even the one who taught us that trick!

Next thing I knew …
I was down on the floor …
Flat on my back …
Watching her slowly …
Gently …
Deliberately …
Squat down on my throbbing pole!

My rock-hard cock felt like it was sliding into a hot-oiled velvet glove sheathing the hand of the most erotic being in the human sexual experience! And though it massaged and cajoled and sucked my maddeningly throbbing erection, and though my balls screamed to spew into the writhing paradise working me like a master virtuoso, I could not come! My hands snapped to her swaying breasts like magnets to iron!

Maddeningly primordial fragrance of woman musk flooded from her womb as she rode me in varying rhythms of slow and easy and hard and rough. My eyes rolled back in my head when that impossibly mysterious forked tongue slipped from her mystically magical pussy and licked my throbbing balls … then snuck down and teased my butthole!

And the only sound my withering mind heard …
Was ZZ Top singing “Tube Snake Boogie”!

I screamed all breath from my lungs …
She leaned forward …
Clamped her divine mouth over mine …
Blew hot breath of cosmic creation into my lungs …
Snaked her hot juicy tongue down to the core of my being.

I felt my soul drawing from my body …
Merging with something spectral …
Something Holy …
Maybe older than life itself …
Maybe older than God!

Angel …
Demon …
God …
Whatever she was …
She was fucking my life …
My Soul …
Right out of my convulsing body …
And I never wanted to go back!

House was hot and we steamed it up even more; so much so that I could’ve sworn steamy smoke came off us as we rolled and squiggled around like two greasy, sweaty nightcrawlers writhing around trying to screw each other to death! It burned and hurt everywhere she touched me, but in a I’m-too-busy-fucking-myself-to-death-to-care sort of way. All the rest of the night, all day, all night, until time just didn’t even exist anymore! She was dead-bang right on about me needing food too; she wiped the crust on herself, smeared double-meat double-cheese triple Supreme pizza gunk all over her everywhere, and I licked every bit of her clean and washed it down with her sweat, which tasted more sweet than salty; before it was all over I ate the whole damn pizza and quite likely the cardboard platter it came on! I can’t begin to remember all the sex and debauchery we slathered upon each other, not to mention just about every flat surface in the old house; suffice it to say that we did every sexual thing a man and woman can possibly do …

And a lot more stuff I never even heard of …
Or ever even dreamed about!

I woke up in my car, naked and starving like I hadn’t eaten in months! Hurvis Tutor found me while sneaking around looking for something to steal; screamed like a girl goosed with a popsicle when he saw me; woke me up and scared the shit out of me when he did! First thing I noticed was the real estate agency sign … the SOLD placard was gone!

Turns out three days and nights had passed since my last midnight pizza run! Momma thought I was at school, Poppa Pedro and Georgianna figured I’d skipped out and was partying my ass off with their $22.97 at some Ole Miss Frat house. Wasn’t until I got a long hard look at myself in the bathroom door mirror that I began to understand why Momma cried every time she looked at me.

My body was covered in strange mottled dots that looked like somebody’d come at me with a vacuum hose and tried to suck my bone marrow out right through my skin! Hurt like hell for a few weeks. My hair was shot with gray, few more wrinkles and crinkles than I remembered having before too. Doctor said I looked to be ailing right poorly, but I don’t have money to go to no hospital for a bunch of tests that won’t tell me anything I don’t already know:

Bitch sucked about ten years of life right out of me …
And she was worth every fucking minute of it!

All that was a little better than ten years ago this September. In that time, I finished up my college with a Business degree and a Real Estate kicker and opened up my own company. Being in the Realtor game lets me keep tabs on who’s buying and renting for a hundred mile around. Been looking for her all this time; whoever she is … what ever she is … she ruined me for normal women folk. Had myself a few girlfriends through the years; but they just ain’t got nothing for me anymore, and I ain’t got nothing for them.

I still get painfully throbbing erections about once a week. Then I dream about her and how it felt to finally explode inside her! Wetdream, right? But there’s never anything on the sheets … or anywhere else.

Like she came to me in my dream …
And I came in her …
And she took it away with her …
Wherever she came from …
Wherever she goes to.

Each time I have The Wetdream, feels like I’ve fucked a few more years off my lifespan. Doesn’t matter. She’s killing me, and it’s worth it.

Heaven …
Hell …
Someplace entirely different …
Nobody ever even imagined before …
Makes no difference.

Whoever she is …
What ever she is …
Where ever she is.

That’s where I’ll be …
Forever!

I’m a part of her now, you see.
Just like she’s a part of me.
Just like every other life she’s taken.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Don’t know if I’ll ever find her again …
But I’ll keep looking …
Until I don’t have any more time …
Left to look no more.

I know you’re out there somewhere …