My search seemed to take me to the ends of the internet, and through the miasma of links, resources, and everything else the Rio Grande Valley of South Texas had to offer. Thankfully, it seemed I was eligible for many of the services due to the fact that I was low-income as well as a student; and, as a result, had an appointment to see a doctor within the next few days.
I was just finishing my call when a text from Brad came through.
Want to hang? it asked.
Truth be told: I wasn’t sure. A part of me wanted to, because at least with someone’s support I might be able to calm the raging storm of doubt within my heart. The other part of me, hesitant as hell to even respond to him, doubted that accepting help would leave our potential friendship at a disadvantage.
I’d known him for only three days and already I questioned how he would respond.
But, I wondered: why would he respond negatively? Was it because I believed he would? Because I thought he would have reason to? Nothing he had said or done had indicated that he would be unkind, especially if I asked for emotional support, but in the end, was he ready to know my deepest, darkest secrets?
A sigh escaped me as I considered the realities.
On one hand, this could bring our friendship closer. On another, though, it could leave me feeling lost, and completely and utterly alone.
Was that really what I was so afraid of, in the end? Being alone?
In the end, I knew it wouldn’t matter. He would find out anyway, and if it was time, then so be it.
With that thought in mind, I texted, Sure, and tossed the phone beside me on my bed.
It wouldn’t be long before Brad arrived.
For that reason, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and waited for the knock on the door.