The Beauty Pageant
All the girls were in a row to go on stage, the strobe lights glowing, the voices loud, and the nervous heartbeat of the smiling contestants louder. The curtains raised and the audience cheered. In a line, the girls stepped forward and, looking very straight, waved while searching the audience for their loved ones.
With that, the host stepped forth, his skin tanned, his hair fake, his microphone big, to announce what would hopefully be the lucky winner of the 72nd Miss ––. Everyone was in ecstasy, on the edge of their seats as the he passed the envelope from hand to hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this has been a very delightful evening indeed!” (All cheered) “I would like to say that this was a very difficult decision for the judges to make, but alas it had to be done. In this line behind me are three very beautiful, capable and intelligent women, that we had the pleasure of meeting today. It’s not every day that you see such talent in stilettos so sharp they could cut a person! Give it up to them! ” applause oozed from the audience and the girls made their best effort to smile big and straighten themselves even further, looking at each other nervously and trying their best to pretend to be calm.
Host: Fantastic, fantastic! It’s a pity to see such a beautiful night come to an end, but time stops for nobody! (Laughter from the audience, until he raised the envelope and everyone held their breaths) Right here I hold the answer to what we all have been waiting to know all night: Who is the winner of this year’s contest? These girls have trained and walked and smiled their heads off to give us a great show, but there can only be one, (he began opening the envelope and read the content) Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I would like to announce that the winner of the 72nd Miss ––, is…!”
“Wait!” one of the judges called from the table, suddenly getting up, turning around and pointing at the audience “Who is that?!” the host, the girls and everyone watching turned to the spot being pointed at, squinting to see what who was so interesting to be pointed out. Another judge got up and removed his stylish sunglasses.
“I see it too!” he said, marveled “There!” another finger was pointed and a tall man got up, pointing at himself, incredulously “Yes, yes you! Come down here!” the girls on stage glanced at each other, now holding hands. Once the man arrived, the first judge grabbed his face and brought it near her own.
“It’s incredible, you have such a rare face!” she remarked, fascinated “The big eyes, the dreamy look, and” another one of the judges poked him in the face as she continued “Your skin is so soft and beautiful, your hair is so shiny! There is so much soul in your eyes, so much life!”
“Very dashing indeed,” the judge who poked said, suddenly sweating, breathless “Very dashing” and with that, he took to stage, climbing up and removing the microphone from the host’s hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he began, licking his dry lips and cleaning the sweat from his forehead “We would like to announce that the winner of the 72nd Miss ––, is that man over there!”
The crowd went crazy as the man was rushed to the stage, unable to speak. He was soon followed by the sash, the flowers and the crown. The first judge, a previous winner herself, put the crown over his head, along with the sash, and another judge proudly gifted him the red roses. They glistened in a way that perfectly suited his skin tone, which made them all collectively gasp, in awe.
The host, after struggling to get his microphone back, finally raised it, victorious. With a deep breath, he then smiled at the man and at the audience.
Host: What a shocking turn of events! (He began) This has been a priceless night down here at the – theater, very unique in its outcome! Give it up to… (Over the microphone) What’s his name? (No one heard him) Well, uh, that man right there! (Applause ensued)
“No, no, no wait a minute” the judges, the man and the host turned to face one of the girls, finalist number three, who spoke up “What do you mean he’s the winner?” people stopped applauding.
“Meaning it,” the first judge said, looking at her from top to bottom and smirking “There’s always next year. Now, another round of applause for our winner!” the crowd began applauding once again, vigorously.
“Next year?!” another girl, finalist number one, began, enraged, as the applause stopped once more “I never looked better in my life! I trained every day for this body, for months! He doesn’t deserve this title,” she pointed at herself “I do!”
“Wow, wow, wow, wait, what makes you think you would be the one to win?” another one of the girls, finalist number two, asked.
“I mean, you thought it would be you?” number three asked number two “Honey it was obvious you’re here only because they took pity on you!”
“Oh, and you think you’re much better?” number one asked, with a smile “There’s nothing special on that flat chest of yours!”
“Enough!” one of the judges said, as the audience silently observed, shocked “Darling, we’re the judges. If we say he deserves the crown, the sash and roses, he deserves the crown, the sash and the roses. He’s the winner. There’s nothing your flat chest can do about it” he finished it by looking at number one, and saying, with a snicker “Or your dangly forearms.”
“Oh ok, that’s enough!” number two said, darting toward the host, who took a scared step back, clinging to the microphone “You know the answer, you read the envelope, who’s the winner?” the host, confused and hesitant, pointed at the man before looking at the audience for back up. A few heads nodded at him, others were too confused to do so and looked at their peers for back up before making any decisions. “Oh Jesus, just give me the goddamned envelope then, give it to me! I wanna see who the real winner is!”
“You can’t have the envelope!” the first judge yelled, standing in front of the judge, arms spread open “He’s the real winner!”
“Oh yeah?” number one asked, looking at the others, removing her shoe “We’ll see about that!” and with that, she ran towards the man who won, attacking him before the judges could stop them. The other finalists joined in and soon there was a crowned head rolling downstairs, separated from the body through the power of sharp, deadly, stiletto high heels.
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