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Chapter nine

“Murphy’s law”

“It is un-fucking believable you would even consider renting your restaurant to those people, have you forgotten or just plain lost your mind”, Cousin Murph said.

“The committee needs a quality venue with really good food and they are paying the full rate for catering and the dining room”, Chase argued.

“It’s just good business”.

But the memory of graduation day was still fresh, like a sting or a bite.

“Besides, what difference would it have made if Tom hadn’t cheated, he would still be them and I would be me”, Chase said.

Cousin Murph’s left eye twitched as he scowled at Chase and realized his cousin was weak. He was smart, but weak.

“Someday someone will do something about Tom Davison”, Cousin Murph said.

Two nights later and Cousin Murph is standing in the butcher shop stroking his chin as if he had a goatee. He immediately thought about the last Lolita and a grin like the devil himself broke on his face. This was more than exciting, he was on a mission, and he was intent on doing it big.

As Cousin Murph split Evelyn from stem to stern Tom screamed like a teenage girl at a horror movie, but to no avail. Tom could feel the nylon rope loosen just a bit while he was thrashing around.

“And she used to be mine”, sang the Cars in the background.

Prime cuts to the right, disposer to the left. Tom looked on as Evelyn’s femurs went in first, and then he looked away. It was at this moment Tom made his move and swung at Cousin Murph with the folding chair he was tied to, but he missed the mark and hit him in the shoulder blades. It knocked Cousin Murph down, but he did a ninja move and kicked Tom’s feet out from under him and his head hit the floor like dropping a bowling ball. Tom was out cold completely.

“You almost got me boy, almost”, Cousin Murph said.

As Tom laid there bleeding out of his ears he began to have a dream about scoring 6 touchdowns in the championship game and then it went black.

Chase peered into the slaughter room just in time to see a Tibia with the foot attached go into the industrial disposer. The mad scientist looking man feeding the machine was Cousin Murph.

It was crystal clear strait away what Chase had to do.

“I will not let you ruin my life”, Chase thought.

“This is my chance to be accepted and you’re not going to fucking ruin it all”.

Chase quietly went to his office where he had a pistol in his desk. It was a police issue 38 and would put a man down from close range. As he made his way carefully back to the butcher shop he could hear The Cars “Moving in stereo” playing over the disposer.

Chase gently pushed the door open and entered with the gun pointed forward. Cousin Murph saw him and stopped feeding the disposer. The two cousins met eyes for a long 5 seconds and Cousin Murph shrugged his shoulders, as if he was saying,

“So what?

Chase pulled the trigger without jerking it and it sounded like a cannon in that room. The shot had removed Cousin Murph’s face from the nose down and placed it on the stereo behind him.

“Moving in stereo” was playing but the irony was lost in the moment. Chases cousin reached out for him, and fell over sideways with a loud thud. Chase knew what he had to do next and he asked God to help him get thru this with his sanity.

Chase put on a long white lab coat and knee high black rubber boots. Then the goggles and the surgical cap and there was a new “Cousin Murph” standing ready to take care of the task at hand. Chase was physically sick and cried while he took care of his cousin in the industrial disposer, making sure all of Cousin Murph went away.

“Wouldn’t want any of that meat to get into the beef”, Chase thought.

He opened the walk in fridge and peered around and saw 6 or 7 bins of fresh cut, ready for the inspector at 8:00 am the next morning. There were 6 bins of grade A beef and one bin of conceit, cheating and bullying. Chase closed the door and placed the locking pin into the hole.

Chase would get about 4 hours of sleep, but that would have to do, tomorrow was “reunion day”.

When the sheriff arrived on reunion day, Chase thought it was all over and he was going to prison. His heart was pounding and his breathing was shallow and short.

“Is Tom Davison or Evelyn here yet”, the sheriff asked.

“I have a warrant for their arrest, are you sure they are not here”?

“They have not showed up, we were all wondering too”, Chase said.

“What are they wanted for sheriff”? Chase asked.

“There was drug trafficking and embezzlement”.

The sheriff was nosing around a bit and found us to be a non threatening situation and handed Chase a business card.

“Hold on sheriff”, Chase said.

Chase ran out to the police cruiser and gave him “The Works” and thanked him again. The sheriff appreciated that burger immensely.

That morning prior to opening, the staff grabbed all 7 bins and ground it into burgers. The graduating class of 1983 were consuming their king and queen unknowingly.

The party was going off like gangbusters with lively chatter and laughter while everyone ate and drank. It was as though the past didn’t happen. There was no one saying the horrible things that Tom and Evelyn had said all their lives. It was a pleasant time with pleasant people. Everyone thought Tom and Evelyn were on the run from the law and we would never see them again. Turns out no one really cared.

Two thirds into the reunion Chase grabbed a basic burger off the buffet table and dressed it with double mayonnaise. While he was smiling and talking he bit into the burger and got a rush of salt and natural flavors that crossed his eyes. He chewed once more and felt something hard but not bone. It felt like metal. Chase headed to the restroom and spit out the piece of metallic debris.

It was 1/3 of a class ring, and all you could make out was “ING of 1983” on the quarter round hunk of gold.

Chase turned pale.

“Oh my God”.

The whole story fell into place at that very moment. Cousin Murph had been feeding everyone each other for almost 3 years. But Chase was a somebody now. This would destroy everything and place him in prison for the rest of his life.


“This whole thing has played itself this far, and I have to let it alone. I was unaware and that’s where I’m going back to.

He strolls out of the rest room wearing a proud, ear to ear smile and resumes shaking hands and rubbing elbows with the finest citizens of Fort Windsor Colorado.

It is a basic human need to be accepted, and there are many roads that lead to happiness.

But sometimes, it all works itself out.

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