27 | nervous energy
MY HEAD WAS SPINNING AS I WALKED OUT, OF THE CLINIC, Elliot suggested that I take a mental health day to be able to wrap my head around the whole news that I had just been told and I agreed with him. It would most likely do me the world of good just to go back to the hotel and lie down and try to get at least some sleep as I try to come to terms with the fact that I was having twins
The bombshell that was dropped on me just under an hour ago brought back so many questions that I had pushed to the back of my mind not fully ready to deal with it all. Would I be able to look after two youngsters on my own or would adoption be the better route in the long haul?
The more I thought about it the more my head span at the thought of giving my own children away, I couldn’t fathom that idea at least not when I heart the heartbeats of the embryo in the clinic through the ultrasound, nothing could beat that sound of hearing the heartbeat of something unborn but something you hold so close to your heart even if it wasn’t born yet
Elliot walked next to me, his arm slung around me loosely as he tries to comfort me and calm me down to the best of his abilities but I had nervous energy building up inside of me and it felt like I was going to simply pop if I had any bad news for the next year
“C’mon lets go back to the motel yeah?” He says softly
From outward appearance you wouldn’t expect Elliot to act like this, so caring and so lovable and sweet on the inside because of the tough boy act he pursues on and the tattoos and leather jackets that he seems to have an endless amount out. I can imagine he doesn’t show this side to anyone very often, so what the hell made me so special?
“Yes” I hum, the nervous energy continuing to build
When we arrived back at the motel, Elliot made sure I was in my room and comfortable before he made his way over to the door but before he stepped out he turned back to me and dug in his pocket and pulled out a piece of tatty, crinkled paper tossing it over to me “My number” He says before leaving
I unfolded the little piece of ripped of from a page paper and my eyes scan over the numbers that were written out in a messy hand and I sigh before tossing it on my nightstand and l flop back onto my pillows allowing my thoughts to take over once more
What the hell was I going to do?
That thought swam around my head more so than the others did and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified, I didn’t know how I was going to manage with one baby, let alone two and without my parent’s money I had I didn’t know how I was going to do it
Which brings up the option of adoption again
I admit I was leaning towards keeping my child when it came because sure we would struggle but if I was careful I was sure we could just about scrape by but with two mouths to feed I’m not sure how I could manage
Sighing and huffing once again in frustration and before I tear my hair out I roll over onto my side hoping sleep would eventually take over and I could get some rest from my thoughts but it seemed like luck was playing against me as I remained wide awake
There were a few heavy knocks on the door to my door and I rolled on my back immediately getting a head rush so instead of getting to my feet and opening the door like I should have done I just called “It’s open!” and the person on the other side of the door happily walked in -- and I wasn’t in the least surprised to see Elliot standing there leaning against the door post and smirking
I suppressed the urge to groan at his seemingly playful mood “What do you want?”
He didn’t seem fazed by my harsh tone, in fact, the boy’s smirk widened as he came into the room more closing the door shut behind him “I just wanted to see how my favourite member of the Philips family was doing alright?”
I didn’t dare look Elliot in the eyes as I replied with “Yes, I’m fine”