03 | the truth
BY THE END OF THE DAY I WAS FULLY READY TO PASS OUT, but I couldn’t not quite yet anyway, no matter how much I wanted to because I already throw up thrice today, I didn’t know that morning sickness lasted all day but then again I wasnt used to this whole pregnacy thing as I had only found out this morning. I had heard stories of how sick my mom had become while carrying me but then again she was twenty four and I was seventeen, but I just thought she was making these stories up so that pregnacy would seem hard and I would never want to have kids at least not until I was older.
I still had to tell Lacy the news that I got pregnant and was raped by a guy I didnt know; after she left acepting it in my head was one thing but to say it out loud would make it real and that scared me out of my wits to invision myself saying those three words out loud “I was raped” I tried not to think of how people would react to me when those words fell from my lips but I knew that people would react differently when they find out I was raped much less bearing an unborn child because of it. It was often the same way I got looked at when people realised who my parents were, they would treat me differently as if I was a spoilt princess, no that was the wrong metaphor because I was spoilt but that was only because my parents threw money at me because they were always working so they just tried to buy me their love with cash and as many credit cards as I could count.
Like I was a carbon copy of my parents and looked at everybody like they were inferior to everyone else, I knew how people thought of me, how people looked at me but I acted like I didn’t care but it reality every crude comment that was said behind my back and every nasty look that I got cut deeper into the wound that my parents made the second they started to ignore me and it left me with scars that I don’t think would ever heal but add to the fact that I was pregnant at seventeen people would probably view me as a slut, even more than the already do, even though getting pregnant wasn’t really my choice, neither was loosing my virginity
Stop it , I tell myself don’t torture yourself
It was hard not to think about it though because when this eventually comes out and believe me it will, as it is hard to ignore a ever growing baby bump like I said earlier today I would have another month or two before it became desperately obvious however those two months will go by in a blink and soon everyone would know and it would be out and it would be their choice whether or not they believed my truth
I glance up at the black clouds and sigh, it looked like a heavy storm was rolling in and I didn’t want to be caught under the rain when the heavens opened and so I pushed myself that little bit faster and soon found myself running, my black ankle boots slapping against the cobbled pavement as I ran faster towards my house on the top of a hill
I bend over and catch my breath, normally I would run miles and miles and hardly be out of breath but obviously my unborn child doesn’t want me to be so active as I find myself out of breath after a mile or two
Unlocking the door, I step inside and greet the butler and maid before telling them that Lacy will be coming over in about an hour as I try not to seem nervous because the maid Arielle will probably pick up on it as I’m closer to her than my actually mother (I know it’s sad) and I was right because even though I try to keep my expression natural seconds later she asks me “Melly are you alright?”
Ever since I was little Arielle Fisher has always called Melly and she along with Lacy (on occasions) were the only people I allowed to call me that nickname, my mother tried once and I shouted at her saying to her that she had no right to call me that since she didnt really know me of course she was furious with me for being such an improper lady but I could see the tears forming in her eyes but instead of thinking about my words she just threw herself into her work more and never tried to call me that nickname again
“I’m okay Ari I just had a long day” I tell her which was half true, the day had been long and I wanted to do nothing more than to go and lie down and sleep for nine months but was I okay? Sure I was physically fine...I guess but mentally? I wasn’t so sure, I was really not equipped or ready to be a mother and yet the burden of becoming one has been thrust on my shoulders, one that I must carry with me for the rest of my life because of someone else’s choices.
“Go up to your room sweetheart and I will tell you when Miss Gregory arrives” Arielle says and nod my head and thank her before going up one of the many spiralling staircases and walk sluggishly to my room before feeling a wave of nausea wash over me and I pick up my pace to a brisk walk as I made my way to my room before bursting through the door of my en-suite and keeling over the toilet before throwing up what was left of my lunch that I hadn’t already threw up earlier today.
An hour later both Lacy and I were sat sprawled out on my queen size bed and I know she noticed how serious I was being because when I sat up and sat in a pretzel position, she raised an eyebrow that only went even higher when I whispered out “I need to talk to you”
“Whats up?” Lacy questions as she notices my fidget with my fingers, which is a habit I only tend to when I’m nervous and she knows this so she puts her hands over my own and smiles at me reassuringly and I take a deep breath this was my last chance to bow out I didnt have to tell her but she would figure it out eventually and then, would she forgive me?
I take one final deep breathe and look up from fiddling with my hands as I shakily announce “I-I was r-raped” hearing the three words out loud caused me to break down again, just like I had done all those weeks ago when I first found out that I was raped, but this time I had someone to console me and hold me as I cried and cried until there was no energy left for me to cry anymore
When my cries subsides into the occasional sob, Lacy was then able to get some words in and the first question was “Are you okay? and have you gone to the police?” She asks concern growing on her face as she spoke every word and it made her eyebrows pinch together which in another circumstance I would have laughed but my lips remained pursed in a paper thin line as I shook my head
She arched an eyebrow as if to say, well why the hell wouldn’t you
“Because I’m pregnant” I shakily say, though I’m surprised I had enough energy to say those words as another sobs racks through my body and I throw myself into the arms of Lacy Gregory, my one and only friend and the only person I trust to stand by me through thick and thin, the calm and the storm and the aftermath of the storm
And right now this was the calm before the storm