“Natasha?” I called out to her. So close yet his voice seemed so far. She slowly pulled her eyes away from her reflection in the mirror and focused them on me. Her left eyebrow rose to an arch, asking the unspoken.
“What?” she asked, voice cold and giving away nothing she stared at me. Her green cat like eyes always felt as if they were piercing right through me. “Natasha, you seem to have a distain for your sister Serena” I met her stare with my own, it sounded like a statement but I know she caught the implied question because she squinted her eyes and sucked her teeth before turning her head away dismissively.
“Can you at least tell me why?” I asked more bluntly this time. She hated the run around game I sometimes played. But being blunt often meant the risk of stepping on landmines. But she liked to dance with the devil.
“She’s an envious little thing” she said finally.
“Envious of whom?” I asked while doodling in my notebook, I didn’t have nothing noteworthy to write. Natasha liked to play mind games, that’s all there was too it. According to her father this wasn’t anything surprising.
“Everyone, and everything breathing. She just won’t allow herself to be happy” she said before turning her eyes back to me. “It’s infuriating” she added through gritted teeth.
“But why does it bother you so much?” She tilted her head to the side as if I had grown two heads. Her lips began to curl in a catlike smile.
“Who likes anyone who doesn’t appreciate the value of their own life? We are all given different circumstances in life and she is choosing to live hers on the outside looking in. It is pathetic!” she spat. I could tell her temper was rising talking about the matter but...
“Why don’t you try to help her then? Convince her of the same ideologies that you have? I asked, sitting up and readjusting myself in the brown leather chair. Her mouth had completely twisted into a smile and I saw the devilish gleam in her eyes. She leaned in closer, placing her hands carefully on the table, her face became more visible in the single light cast above us, highlighting those bright green eyes, her black hair spilling over in waves and her eyes focused on me, intense and smoldering but amused at the same time.
“Humm, what can I say? I love watching her distress. Seeing those blue eyes tear up. Watching her unravel from the unfairness of it all, watching how life and all its darkness swallows her whole. I want to see her cry, in the same way that I want to see her smile. I want her to look at me with shinning eyes, tear stained face and smile at me with the acceptance that I am all she has in that unfair perception of life of hers. The grass of others doesn’t have to be green because we can burn it all together. I can take pleasure in tainting her soul” she smiled, eyes gleaming with excitement. And for a second I felt a chill.
“I believe we are done for the night” I nodded at her and began to gather my things. Sliding into my coat and adjusting the collar.
She squinted her eyes at me. “Until next time James” she smiled and receded into the darkness, leaving behind the haunting glare of those feline eyes. I took one last glance back but she seemed to have blended into the shadows. I shook my head and slipped out of the room. Saying my goodbyes to family, I headed out into the chilly spring night. I had been seeing Natasha Blackwood for a while now at the request of her father who was a very good friend of mine. She was sexy, and intelligent, with pouty lips, perfectly arched eye brows, eyes that seemed to pierce your very soul and a body like a fully matured woman, but I suppose girls grow up fast don’t they? But at the end of the day she is still barely legal. She liked to play mind games but hated being taken in circles, she was very blunt and after seeing her a couple times I have come to learn that she can be very hostile. “Listen to me, afraid of a teenager”. Her father had some concerns he wanted me to confirm. As far as I was concerned his daughter was going through a phase. But I continued to talk with her regularly just in case. He was never home and at night the mother wanted nothing to do with her. She was afraid but I think Natasha was screaming out for attention. I started my little black Audi, a car out my price range but as luck would have it it’s in my possession. I locked my doors and buckled my seat belt, tossing my messenger bag into my passenger seat, and pulled off into the night. But not before catching view of a figure in a window of Blackwood manor.
I locked the door of my two story starter home and dropped my keys in the bowl by the door. I’ll get to the basics and say no I do not have a family. It’s just me flying solo, I bought the house on a whim after I had hit the lottery a few years back, along with the car that I drive. I paid off my college loans and started to dedicate myself to writing. Blackwood being the friend he has always been got me my first big start through his publishing companies and well the rest is history. As far as his daughters are concerned, I’ve met them here and there through their lives and I remember how they use to stick to me when I came over. But things are different now, they don’t stick to me, or run when they see me coming. They address me by my first name and send chills down my spine. Or at least one of them does.
Selena was crouched down with a cross tightly held in her hands, her head bowed she looked focused but serene at the same time. Her face was blank and she sat like stone, unmoving, and relaxed. She wore a pastel blue dress with a tan colored cardigan and white heels. The diamonds in her ear and around her neck fit her social status perfectly. In the brightly lit room, the windows were open and the early afternoon breeze was blowing in. If I remember correctly the mother was very religious.
“What are you up to Selena?” I asked quietly. Leaning against the wall closest to her, but keeping an appropriate distance. Selena was very beautiful in an angelic way almost. She had long black hair like her sister, with the same pouty lips. But her eyebrows weren’t arched and she had bright blue eyes that reminded you of the sea, a smile that could light up a room and freckles that gave her a childish appeal. And she had the sweetest personality, the total opposite of Natasha.
“I am praying, mother says that I should pray for all the bad things to go away. She tells me if I give all my pain and sorrows to God he’ll take it all away and give me everything I need to be happy” she looked at me with those blue eyes. Her face was serene and angelic in the early afternoon light. I heard a noise, and looked back to see a mirror with a small crack in it. I looked back at Selena who had taken no notice to it.
“What do you think James? Will he take it all away” she asked while slowly getting to her feet.
“Take what away?” I asked
“This uncertainty I feel about life and what it all means? I have everything I could possibly want yet I remain unhappy. Why don’t I feel sated? Why does it all seem meaningless? I have more money than I need, there are poor that I wish to feed. Yet good will does not satisfy me, why do I feel undeserving? Nothing interest me and some days I feel as if I am only here in spirit, I feel numb to the things around me. Even my future seems to be bleak, do you know what it’s like to feel nothing and everything at the same time?” she starred out the window now. Seeing everything and nothing, she looked at but looked past as well.
“Selena what do you want exactly? I asked
“I want it all to make sense, I want to wake up with a sense of purpose. I want a life that is mine! That I have earned!” she said sternly, the tone in her voice rising with agitation.
“Selena what If I told you that the answers you’re looking for don’t exist? What if I told you that life is unfair and there is nothing you can do about it? The circumstances we are born into this world with, is nothing but pure chance, but your birth right isn’t want defines you, it’s how you lived as a person that makes you who you are. You feel undeserving and insignificant but you’ve done nothing of significance except breathe. You’re a prodigy child who finished high school at the age of thirteen. But here you are seventeen years old and life and all its mysteries have swallowed you. Honestly I think you’re too smart for your own good, being a genius has its downsides. The one thing about being super smart, is you can’t wrap your head around the idea that somethings have no explanation. You’re looking for reasons that don’t exist. And your intelligence can’t process that there is just a problem with no solution. Basically…you think too much.” I sighed and rubbed my hands through my hair. I should not have said that! But when I looked back at her she was smiling up at me, catching me off guard completely.
“You know what James? I like you.” She said before turning on her heel and walking out. “You’re the only one who is willing to argue with me, it’s refreshing. My mother just agrees with whatever I want and whatever I say and my dad is never here. I really enjoy these little conversations of ours” she smiled sheepishly, drumming her fingers on the door way before finally leaving.
I guess that’s it for today.
When I walked in the room Natasha was pacing back and forth, obviously agitated I sighed to myself. This was going to be one of those nights.
“Natasha would you mind having a seat with me” I asked her nicely and I plopped down into my usual leather chair. Honestly her pacing was going to drive me nuts and the amount of patience you needed to deal with her was astounding. It’s like playing chess and your soul is on the line. One wrong move and I always had this itching feeling of something clawing at my soul.
She stopped dead in her tracks, her head snapped towards me, and in four strides she was at the table. She looked like she started to say something but bit her lip and sat in the chair opposite of me. Running her fingers through her hair in an ill attempt to brush it from her face she looked at me. Calmly placing her hands on the table, there was an anxious look on her face and a dangerous glare in her eye. “What did you say to Selena?” she asked carefully, with deliberate annunciations.
“What do you mean?” I asked genuinely confused. “What’s wrong is she ok?” fear began to climb in me.
She slammed her hands on the table catching me off guard I jumped to my feet, the loud bang rang throughout the room. “She is HAPPY! What did you do!” she yelled at me. Her green eyes burning with anger, her pupils completely dilated.
“I told her the truth!” I yelled back. And she cocked her head at me sideways, shaking her head in disbelief. “Truth” she muttered.
“Life is unfair and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Maybe God will fix it maybe he won’t.” I said defensively.
“God?” she scoffed. “There is not God” she said staring directly into my eyes.
“So you don’t believe in God?” I asked hoping to divert the topic.
“The concept of God and religion is nothing but a psychological control factor to tame the masses, but I hate the idea of religion because in my opinion it frees people from the responsibility of their lives” she said while tapping her fingers on the table, leaning back in her chair, head tossed back. Her black button up shirt was open at the top, the diamond earrings visible from the angle. I could see her biting her lip.
“What do you mean by freeing people from their responsibility” I asked genuinely curious this time. This would probably be the one serious conversation I ever have with this girl.
She leaned forward again, letting all four legs of her chair touch the floor. She met my gaze again. “The idea that there is a higher power at work with your life makes people less likely to take responsibility for their actions. It’s a lot easier to say God will fix my problems, than to say I fucked up but ill fix this myself. All these success stories about people being homeless and suddenly finding God changes their entire life around? Really? Bullshit!” she yelled, slamming a fist down on the table.
“You carry darkness with you, and people are attracted to the light. So you’ve been carrying a dark perception about life around and how you’re down on your luck and everything is against you. You go to church and the belief that God has a plan for you is shoved down your throat, they tell you shit like don’t worry He will take care of it and without knowing it you have dropped your psychological burden, you view the world differently because now nothing is your fault right? If something happens it’s what God wanted right? All they did was mind fuck you into believing some high power was at work and now without knowing it you have a pep in your step, your view of life is brighter. You feel like things are going well now because no shit Sherlock they are going better! Your apart of a community of people who actually want to help you now and everything you have is obtained through the connection of your church. It’s sad when people can’t believe in themselves anymore.” She said with a sigh. “But don’t change the subject James!” she yelled “I told you that I liked her the way she was. Do not toy with my things James” she said sternly.
“She isn’t a toy Natasha!” I yelled.
“But she is mine! James” she said. I watched her rub her hands through her hair again. Leaning back in her chair her eyes met mine. “You’re playing a dangerous game James” she said while shaking her head, a smile began to cross her lips. Her face was no longer angry, she appeared calmer now.
“No one is playing any game Natasha” I was irritated, I’m sick of your mind games Natasha. And she burst out laughing.
“That’s the dangerous part, you don’t even realize you’re playing.” She stopped smiling, but was instead playing with her bottom lip as if she was thinking. “I’m going to show you something spectacular” she said before standing from her seat, she began to walk away. But she paused and looked back at me. “Don’t get hurt James” she said before walking off into the shadows. Her green eyes burned, her face was smiling but her eyes were dangerous, lethal even. I got up and headed towards the door. “How’s that for mind games” I heard her whisper from the darkness. And I left the room. Spectacular my ass!
I walked into the room in haste, startling Selena from a book. I stopped to rub my eyes in an effort to calm down. I hadn’t slept well that night.
“Are you ok James” she asked in that angelic voice, jumping from her chair. Her blue eyes filled with worry.
“Yes Selena, I’m just a little tired is all. But how are you this morning?” I asked to shift the conversation. But her face only made my heart shake more.
“I’m fine I suppose” she said
“You can tell me if something is wrong Selena” I pressed.
“I’m fine I’ve just been feeling under the weather this morning” she shook her head in disbelief. “It’s just not like me at all” she said with a reassuring smile. “I will be better by tomorrow! I had a fever last night, my mom believes it’s the change in seasons” she smiled.
“So you’re fine now huh?” I asked again
“Yes! In fact I even figured out what I want to do with my life” she beamed happily.
“Really? What might that be” for a second I had forgotten everything about last night.
“I’m going to be a writer, travel and see the world, I’m going to live my life the way I want. Tomorrow at church I’ll give my old life to God and start anew.” She smiled and reached out to hold my hand. “Thank you visiting me, I know it was at the request of my father so I won’t feel alone but you didn’t have to accept it.
I couldn’t help but smile back at her innocence and purity, her skin was the color of buttermilk and her hands as soft as feathers, her hair was raven black, long and wavy. “I’m happy you found your path Selena” I said shaking her hand. And she smiled back before launching into talk about France and China and England, the mother of literature. But the whole time my mind was focused on the fact that the mirror for the day before with the crack in it was completely shattered and pieces had yet to be picked up from off the floor.
I parked my car, dreading meeting with her but happy it might be the last time. Natasha made me nervous, and not in a good way. Compared to Selena they were your stereotypical siblings. Natasha was to be honest sexy, her green eyes made her alluring, perfectly framed with thick long eyelashes. Her feline like glares, her pouty mouth and long black hair. Everything about her screamed sexuality and feminine appeal. Then there was Selena with her sea blue eyes and gentle voice. She had a look that seemed as if she was piercing through your very soul. But you could feel comfortable next to her. Natasha could almost intimidate with her strong presence. But Selena’s natural appeal would draw you in.
I got to the door fumbling to put my keys in my pocket. I reached to open the door only to notice it was already slightly open. I pushed it open slowly and only now did I notice there were no lights on to greet me. I had a bad feeling so I pulled out my phone and called the police before running into the house in search of Selena. Checking the dining room and living room best I could in the dark, I ran to the gallery at the end of the hall and there she was staring out the window, sitting in her favorite chair.
“Selena there you are! Are you ok?” I asked her while walking towards her but her silence made me slow down. “Selena?” I called out.
She sighed to herself. “Why is the grass always greener on the other side?” she asked. And from where I was standing I could see her face, and how her eyes were seeing everything and nothing. I was standing closer to her now.
“Because honestly humans are selfish creatures and nothing will ever be enough” I sighed. “But we have to get out of here” I reached out to grab her hand when her head snapped towards me and her glare pierced right through me. Alarmed I stumbled back, she stood up from her chair and faced me. She looked angry for the first time, I was seeing her angry and it scared me more than Natasha did. She began to walk towards me and slowly I began to back away. I thought I was seeing double the closer she got the more my vision seemed to wary, doubling in and out I was seeing both Selena and Natasha walking towards me. My foot hit something I couldn’t see and I smashed down to the floor reaching out in the darkness and grabbing table cloths to drag down with me. Glass began to shatter all around me, and something rolled to the right of me. A car pulled into the drive way and the headlights briefly illuminated the room enough for me to see that I had tripped over the head of Mrs. Blackwood. I looked up to see Selena and Natasha standing side by side smiling at me. And my vision began to go blurry as my conscious began to fade. The last thing I saw was two sisters faze into each other and a pair of green and blue eyes staring at me.
And the next thing I knew I woke up here to you guys questioning me. The detectives looked at each other nervously and I looked around my hospital room anxiously. They are going to think I lost my mind.
“Well Mr. Times?” the detective addressed me looking uncomfortable. And I squinted my eyes at him suspiciously.
“What?” I asked hating the tension in the room
“Selena Blackwood was diagnosed with MPD, multiple personality disorder at the age of fourteen, apparently there was a traumatic incident that they believe lead to this development” he rambled on but my brain had stopped functioning for a minute.
“Wait, wait what incident? Mr. Blackwood didn’t tell me anything! And so what? You’re going to tell me Natasha wasn’t a real person?” I yelled.
“Selena murdered her older sister Natasha Blackwood at the age of fourteen” the other detective said, obviously he was irritated with the whole situation as well. I was stunned.
The first detective cleared his throat before speaking again. “Apparently Natasha would bully Selena from time to time. There was an investigation that showed that there was some clear favoritism in the family towards the younger sister.” He paused to let me take it in. “Umm, after she was diagnosed they believed that her guilt lead to the creation of an alternate personality of her sister. But your story holds up according to Mr. Blackwood he asked you to talk to his daughter in an effort to keep her company while he was away. They hoped to use you as a form of therapy and maybe if you should have made the main personality happy then the alternate one would have disappeared. Mr. Blackwood is deeply sorry. Unfortunately though we have yet to locate Selena” he continued on but I couldn’t focus anymore, I was dizzy and numb and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Multiple Personality? Why didn’t they tell me? I was beginning to feel like I couldn’t breathe so I did nothing, but hang my head. I’ve officially lost my mind.
Eventually the detectives left, finding me unresponsive. I sat there for thirty minutes, an hour maybe? I swallowed hard and threw my legs over the side of my bed. Running my fingers through my hair I brushed it back with my fingers. Getting up and going to the sink I splashed water on my face, when suddenly the feeling of a hand on my shoulder gripped me. My body tensed, and out my peripheral I could see that wavy black hair. I heard the mirror crack, and I heard her exhale behind me before letting out a small chuckle. She turned me around to face her. Fear gripped me, and I felt like I was being suffocated. I started to scratch at my neck dropping to my knees, my eyes never left hers. One green and one blue, staring down at me. Before I blacked out I heard her laugh again.
“You’re playing a dangerous game James, and the worst part is you don’t even know you’re playing.
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