I called Vincent ‘Is that Sammiewhamycocojammy?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘Is that Vinciepinciedimsiewhimsy?’
‘Yes. How’s the happenings?’
‘The happenings? I’m in a fucking hospital Vince, how do you think the happenings are?’
‘There’s all sorts of happenings in the hospital. All sorts of hospital happenings. I was hoping you would tell me about them.’
‘A lung-cancer patient attacked my friend Ronnie and I threw blood at them.’
‘That is fucking hot.’
‘I said that’s pretty fucking hot. Please continue.’
‘It’s not hot, its fucking disgusting. You’re fucking disgusting!’
‘What do you expect? You know. I mean, I know you know. So, what do you expect?’
‘Like, I don’t know, that you don’t have to drink blood AND have a fetish for it.’
‘That’s what we do. Everybody knows that. But it’s all very humane.’
‘What’s humane about killing people for blood?’
‘We don’t kill people! We just breed really stupid ones and farm them.’
‘You farm humans?’
‘Yes, but really stupid ones. Like, they have an average IQ of seventy-two. That kind of person. They’re easy to entertain. We just drain a little blood from them every day and that has worked for centuries. The stupider they are the happier they seem to become. I mean, you have to understand that...’
’I think I understand Vince. I’m nothing but a stupid blood-cow-girl to you that you want because you want to brag about being a better twilight vampire than the twilight vampire in Twilight!′
‘That’s not true Sam, that was just the intent. That’s not what we have. I want to turn you. I want to bring you to Ghargatron. You can be a queen in the Kings counsel! I have faith in you.’
‘I have to think about it Vince.’
‘Haven’t you had enough time to think?’
‘No, I was a little bit busy with reading your stupid book!’
‘What’s stupid about it?’
‘You are,’ I said and hung up the phone.
I hated myself and everyone around me. I wanted to go to an island. I closed my eyes and pretended to be on an island. I heard a coconut fall in the distance. Monkeys and shit. All the island stuff was there. Then I opened my eyes again and I saw my mother walk into the room. She looked pretty doped up.
‘Hiiiii Sam,’ she said.
‘Hiiiii mom,’ I said.
‘I have to tell you something Sam.’
‘What is it mom?’
‘I have schizophrenia.’
‘That’s great mom.’
‘I said it’s awful.’
‘It is. What are you doing in a hospital sweetie?’
‘I’m getting dead!’
‘I’M GETTING DEAD!’
‘YOU ARE DEAD?! ARE YOU DEAD? SHE’S DEAD!’ my mom screamed and a nurse came in. She took my mom away. She kept on screaming in the hall. Another nurse came in and asked me what happened.
‘I scared her. Her reaction scared me, and my reaction to that reaction made the conflict intensify like a laser beaming in between mirrors. That is what happened.’
‘I’m sorry I don’t understand.’
‘That´s the best I can explain it.’
´Alright then,´ she said and just left in confusion. I slept a while.
I woke up from the pinging of my phone. It was a text from Vincent: ‘Hope you’re not still mad at me. Hope you’ve decided you want to live for a long time with me. Trust me, there is no greater honor in this world than to get turned. Ghargatron wants to use his telekinetic-brainwave-interconnecting-device so the three of us can dream together and he can see whether you’re worthy. Whisper the next numbers twelve times with your eyes closed at exactly ten in the evening so the device can pick your brainwave-frequency out of the morphic-resonance: 5-7-2-4-3.’
I waited until ten, whispered it twelve times and opened my eyes. There I was, with two working legs, in a blue summer dress. I was in a desert.
A cloud of smoke came closer fast, and as it slowed down, I saw it was Vincent’s Lexus. He did a couple of donuts around me, stopped in front of me and opened the door. ‘Get in babe. Dream on.’
I got in the car. ‘Look, Sam. You have to trust me when I say that you are the best thing that ever happened to me in all my forty years on this planet. But you also have to understand what it is that I am in relation to you. My point is this: you can’t go up to Ghargatron; the self-proclaimed and unchallenged King of Kings and call him a vampire, or disobey him in any way because you will lose your head. He’ll have you decapitated before you can even wake up.’
‘Don’t worry about it. Just be on your best behavior around Ghargatron and you’ll find that he’s a really nice person. Just don’t say anything bad about human farming or stuff like that. He’ll kill you before you had the chance to wake up and there’ll be nothing I can or want to do about it. You just bow down and after he is done introducing himself you say: ″We are honored to be in your shadow great″ and then you say the thing that he introduces himself as. And you never know what that is going to be but it’s always very long so remember the words carefully Sam because we have to say them together OK?’
‘I don’t know about this Vince.’
‘You’ll know when you’re dead,’ Vincent said and he hit the gas. I saw a huge golden helicopter appear on the horizon.
‘So, it’s ″We are honored to be in your shadow great″ and then whatever the fuck he introduces himself as?’
‘Yes. And under no circumstances use the word vampire.’
‘OK Vince,’ I said and Vince turned on Horse with no name without touching the radio.
‘Is it that he has no name or that the horse has no name?’ I asked.
‘Good question, I never thought about it but it could work both ways. I’ve been to the desert on a horse with no name... yeah... OK... here we are,’ he said and he got out of the car.
In the open side door of this golden helicopter stood a very black, very tall, very muscular man, with a golden crown on his head. There was a round hole in the middle of the crown and I saw a white tattoo of a bullseye through that hole. There were dollar signs on each side of it. He was wearing army print shorts, no shirt and a golden revolver; a Magnum Python with a white handle. Next to the side door stood two women in golden bikinis. The right one was Oriental and the left one was also black. They carried golden AK47′s. In front of them were two dogs, very big and fearsome. They were not on a chain.
‘BOW DOWN FOR GHARGATRON, THE KING OF KINGS!’ the Asian woman yelled as we came in a range of ten feet from Ghargatron. We bowed down.
‘LOOK AT ME!’ said Ghargatron. We looked. He grinned and spread his arms. ‘I am Ghargatron, the doom machine, the father of the apocalypse, the master of death, the dealer of evil, the King of Kings!’
‘We are honored to be in your shadow great Ghargatron, the doom machine, the father of the apocalypse, the master of death, the dealer of evil, the King of Kings!’ Vincent and I said together.
‘Look at my women! How do you like my women Vincent?’
‘They’re great Ghargatron.’
‘Now look at my dogs! How do you like my dogs?’
‘Also, very great.’
‘Might it be your opinion that I, Ghargatron, King of Kings, have the greatest women and the greatest dogs?’
‘I think you are very right about that Ghargatron.’
‘Good,’ he said and he jumped out of the helicopter. He lit a blunt with a storm lighter and walked towards us, ‘Who’s the blood-cow Vince?’
‘She is that Sam I told about and she’s something else.’
‘Look in her eyes, you’ll see.’
‘Get up Sam.’
I got up. He held my chin in his enormous hand and looked in my eyes. Then he pushed me backwards, not hard, but hard enough that I had to take a few steps back.
‘She has a demon Vincent.’
‘I know. It’s why I like her.’
’She has a beautiful demon. She became a demon to beat it. I see what she is. She is the demon.′
‘And you want me to waste my father’s turn on her?’
‘It would not be a waste Ghargatron. It wouldn’t be a waste at all.’
‘We’ll see about that.’
‘The greatest dogs perhaps, but I have a monster on a leash. And the training of the beast is almost complete.’
‘I’ve heard rumors. I hear lots of rumors. I heard you did a brain removal and kept the brain alive. I heard a lot of things. I heard you saw my mother.’
‘She is good, I know.’
‘So, what about the beast?’
‘I’ll show you in a week. I have to bring it over from Europe. Takes a while.’
‘And you’ll be done with the training?’
‘And what are you planning to do with this glorious beast?’
‘A gift to you.’
‘And you want me to bring her to my father, so he can turn her?’
‘Regardless, I give you the beast. As a token of my respect. That’s all.’
‘Good. Now leave me with the demon girl and I’ll see whether she’s worthy. Bring her the paper Kelly!’
The black woman walked towards me. She got a piece of paper and a pen out of her golden bikini bottom and gave it to me, ‘Sign it if you want to know where the demon got in,’ Ghargatron said.
′I HEREBY GIVE GHARGATRON, KING OF KINGS, FULL CONTROL OVER THE TELEKINETIC LUCID DREAMSEQUENCE I AM IN RIGHT NOW,′ the paper said. I looked at Vincent.
‘Nothing can happen,’ he said, ‘You’re only dreaming. You could have a bad nightmare though. It’s up to him.’
‘OK,’ I said. I sighed the paper with the cross and circles.
‘That’s a really pretty autograph,’ Ghargatron said as he looked at it.
I saw that Vincent had a worried look on his face, ‘Now get in the chopper you little demongirl,’ Ghargatron said. I got in. Ghargatron got behind the steering knob and flew the helicopter straight up. I saw Vincent wave at me while I lifted into the sky. He became a small dot and then he disappeared.
‘Look at that,’ Ghargatron said, ‘Pretty high.’
‘Why don’t you jump out?’
‘You heard me. Jump out.’
I looked out of the window. It is only a dream, I thought. Nothing can go wrong. I opened the door and looked at a dazzling altitude. I felt a push and I fell down. I kept on falling down. The ground got closer. I felt the wind in my face. My heart was beating fast. I screamed. I saw the ground approach me faster and faster. And the moment I hit it, I was somewhere else; naked, and chained to a wall in some dungeon. I could see only out of my left eye. I saw a rat shoot over the floor. It stopped, looked at me, and crawled into a hole in the wall. There was a little window high above, that shun some light. I saw the hall light up. Ghargatron, carrying a torch came into the room.
‘I saw your soul Sam. I’ll show you where your demon got in. This is 1234, and you were about the age you are now when you died there and went to the time you find yourself in now. This was you, look at you,’ he said and he held a mirror up. I saw there was a leather patch sowed over my left eye.
‘You got that when you were twelve. They cut your eye out because they thought it was evil, that it was destroying the harvest. You’re a witch Sam, and your name is Mathilda. You will see how she died, your former form, and then you will understand your hate and disgust with those around you. You’ll see where the demon got in. I would say have fun but this is not going to be fun.’
‘I’m not sure if I want to do this,’ I said.
‘Like that matters. You signed remember? You should have thought about that before you signed. It wasn’t like you had to,’ Ghargatron said and then he left the room.
My mom walked into the dungeon with a guard, ‘Mathilda,’ she said, ‘I pity thee.’
I wanted to say something but no words came out, until they did, but they were not mine, yet, in a strange way, they also felt like they were, ‘I have no use for your pity. It has never helped me mother,’ I said.
‘Listen to thine mother Mathilda. They will do it once more. They will try once more. They could succeed. Maybe they don’t have to burn you at the stake at dawn tomorrow. They said there is a change they could still get the devil out.’
‘I am not worthy of redemption mother. I gave the evil eye. If only the flames can purify my soul, then give me flames in all their glory!’
‘Mathilda, that is the devil speaking. The devil will be banished from your soul Mathilda, the priest is coming. He’s coming!’ she said. The guard tapped on the ground with his battle ax and my mother followed him out of the dungeon. Again, there was the light of fire in the hall, and a priest came in with the guard and a torch. He put the torch in one of the holders in the wall. He approached slowly. I felt his cold hand over my naked body. He pinched a nipple, quite hard. I did not scream.
‘To cast a demon out requires the insertion of the saint,’ he said and he grabbed me by the pussy, ‘Let the holy spirit penetrate your... soul.’
He kissed my forehead. He walked to the guard, that was standing in the corner of the room and said, ‘Remove the shackles, and I must do my exorcism in private. The demon is not fit for the untrained eye to see.’
The guard opened the shackles with big black keys. I fell to my knees right away, because I was hanging on the wall so long that my limbs were like rubber. I looked to the floor as I heard the footsteps of the guard echo their way out of the dungeon. ‘Turn that behind of thine in my direction you filthy witch!’ the priest said. I did not comply. I could not move. My limbs still seemed to be made out of rubber. I felt a blow to my head. I fell down. I saw that rat, shoot by fast, and I felt that I was being turned on my belly and my legs were being moved apart. I looked up and whispered into the darkness of the room; ‘God help me,’ and then I felt his spit on my cunt, and he moved inside. I felt his violence, his hate, his anger and his disgust go in. I was not even human to him. Not even human. It did not take him long to finish. When he did, I heard his footsteps echo to the corner of the room, and then I heard them come back. First there was this sound, that horrible sound of a whip, and I turned around and looked at him standing there with the whip, as if he was God himself. He slashed it over my tit, making it bleed. Now I screamed, and my screams echoed through the walls of this dungeon, that I found myself in.
‘On your knees, you dog of Satan!’ the priest yelled. I tried to get up but still my limbs were not adjusted to not hanging on the wall yet. The shackles had made their marks. Red and swollen were the places they used to chain. The whip came back and struck my face.
‘I will tolerate no whore of Lucifer in my land!’ he said, ’Have fun with the monks tonight for early in the morning thou shall burn witch! And the faggots you will burn on shall be regarded higher in the eyes of God than a filthy little creature like you!′ and then he left the dungeon.
The monks came in and tight me to a wheel, with knees and elbows. Doggy position. The wheel was spinning horizontally over the stone in the dungeon. I became very dizzy. ‘STOP THE WHEEL OF SODOM!’ I heard a dark voice scream in the light of the torches. They stopped the wheel. I had to vomit. I threw up.
‘THERE GO’S THE DEVIL!’ they sang, ‘WE ARE THE MONKS OF THE CLOCK OF SODOM! WE NUMBER THE CLOCK OF SODOM!’
’Thine number ist number thirteen Mark, for thou art the new, and you must rise to the holy numbers. Get on the wheel and keep the whore between your legs, then ride her, and poop on her as you see fit, get thine bible out and read Revelations. With the start of every chant you will come off and turn the wheel. You must count the turns. Once the whore has gone around the clock of Sodom, you count one. It takes 77 rounds for her soul to purify enough so that the flames may do their work when we are done,′ a monk said.
‘I understand brother,’ I heard another monk say. The monk that said that I couldn’t see because he was behind me. I felt his bare ass sitting down on my back and a few seconds later, I felt warm shit streaming down my body. He grabbed me by the hair and held my head back. He licked my cheeks. Both of them.
‘God has given us a tasty whore to purify brothers!’ he said and then they all started chanting again: ‘In the clock of Sodom we purify the witch, in the clock of Sodom, the clock of Sodom, in the clock of Sodom, we purify the witch!’ they kept on singing that while the monk that was sitting on top of me screamed things from the Bible: ‘And I took the little book out of the angel’s hand, and ate it up; and it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter!’ He kept on reading loudly as the circle of the monks grew tighter, and I saw that they all simultaneously stopped chanting and toke their robes off in one motion. They were all butt naked now. And they were all hard.
I counted, to stay sane. But after 77 rounds, when I expected number 13 to get off, it still kept going. I realized soon that it worked thus that if a monk was about to come in my asshole or my mouth, he would start chanting, and then the monk that was riding me like a horse and shitting over me got off and he would slap me in the face, my tits and my ass, and stick his finger in there and one in my mouth and that’s how he turned the wheel of Sodom towards the next monks in the circle. I saw that monk thirteen had no face. It was at turn 138 that the light started shining through the window again, and the monk who rode me stopped reading out of the bible. ‘77!’ he yelled. ‘We have purified her soul!’
‘Let’s feed her and take her to the stake.’
They untied me from the wheel. ‘Lay her down gently brothers,’ I heard. I was laid down on the stone, ‘Open her mouth so we can feed her.’
Exactly what the reader must expect to happen happened. All of it. They forced me to swallow all of it. I was dressed in rags and a cone-shaped hat was placed on my head. The ropes burned in my arms. I was bare footed. Two monks carried me up the stairs, because I could not walk it. They put me on my feet when I was dragged into the church. I could barely walk. The monks were holding me up. I heard screams and looked up. The church was full of people, ‘SPARE THAT WITCH NO FAGGOTS, BURN, BURN, BURN!’ they were all screaming. I was moved out through the hall in between the benches. I fell. They dragged me. ‘Walk Mathilda,’ the monk without the face was saying, ‘I know you can do it. Just a little further...’
I tried my best to do it. I did it. I stood there on my feet. I walked, step by step, out of the church. The people that were in the church followed us. They screamed the same thing over and over: ‘SPARE THAT WITCH NO FAGGOTS, BURN, BURN, BURN!’ They were walking around us. I spotted my mother. She was also chanting but she was looking away from me. I looked at her. I kept on looking at her. I screamed ‘MOTHER!’ but she didn’t look back.
‘Don’t do that Mathilda. If you do that again we have to hurt you.’
It was blurry because of all the tears. I saw the stake appear in the middle of a square. There were lots of people on that square. They all started screaming. I was unable to walk any further. Complete terror had paralyzed me. Two of the monks picked me up and carried me up the stake. They tight me to the pole in the middle of the bundles of wood.
Suddenly, the crowd was silent. You could hear a pin drop. A monk came closer. It was the monk without the face again. ‘You’re going to burn in hell forever for what you did,’ he said and I recognized that voice somewhere. Then he walked away. I heard the wood ignite. I saw the smoke. I started screaming. Nobody was doing anything. Nobody was saying anything. The smoke got thicker and I saw the flames. Nobody was doing anything. Nobody was saying anything. I kept screaming, as the flames moved towards me, and when they licked my legs, and I could breathe nothing but smoke, I had an orgasm so intense that I am unable to put it into words. It was the greatest thing I’ve ever felt multiplied by a thousand. I kept screaming. I just kept screaming. I woke up in my hospital bed. It was drenched in sweat and pussy-juice.