I have blood-type A-positive. So, when I take the pill, I have an increased risk of getting Thromboses by 80 percent. Nobody told me this. I had to look it up myself. I figured that I’d rather have a kid than Thromboses so I don’t take them but I do have a morning-after pill in my wallet. I had never taken one before but I heard they make you noxious for a few hours. That’s just worth not having to use a condom to me. So, when Buck came in with some Juice ’d Orange and mango, I wanted to take it right away. But when I was about to the put it in my mouth, I felt awful all the sudden, like all life had been taken out of life, like there was no hope. It hit me like a hammer, that feeling.
‘Are you alright Sam?’ Buck asked.
‘Sam... Sam.... Sam?’
I saw Lemmy, leaning over my father’s Harley with a bottle of Jack in his hand. Behind him was a sunset over the Himalayas. He looked at me in the twilight and lit a smoke. ‘You thought life was so great huh Darling? If it’s so great, then give it to my unborn child.’
‘I’m... I’m carrying your baby?’
Lemmy got of the death-Harley and walked towards me, he drank the remaining half of the bottle in one gulp and threw it against a tree. He stood behind me and held his hand on my belly. ‘Little boy in there. You know something darling, what you and me have is very special. Out on the earth you know, I am human and maybe a little too much of that but here...’
‘Lemmy is God. The rumors are true,’ I whispered.
‘So, you see it’s kind of important that kid inside of you finds its way out in one piece.’
‘My child is Jesus...’
‘No darling, I tried that. This is another prophet, the one they have all been asking for: Barabbas.’
‘You will say the father is not known to you and give it your name; Barabbas Breadmaker.’
‘But they’ll think I’m a total slut!’
Lemmy grunted. It scared the living shit out of me. He walked around me and got a mirror out of the saddle bag of the bike and held it up to my face ‘SLUT’ it said on my forehead.
‘You will see this always, and so will everybody else if you question me ever again!’
‘I’m sorry God,’ I said.
‘Call me Lemmy,’ Lemmy said. He pretended to shoot me with his thumb and index finger and that zapped me back to where I lost myself.
‘Sam? Sam? There you are. You went out for a second there. Is that anything I should worry about?’
‘No, I just hate mornings.’
‘It’s almost afternoon.’
‘Then you really don’t have to worry about it,’ I said but my voice started shaking at the end of the sentence.
‘What’s wrong Sam?’ Buck asked as he put his hand on my shoulder.
‘Does Vincent know?’
‘It’s not Vince’s.’
‘Who’s is it?’
‘You impregnated yourself?’
‘I kind of did!’
‘You don’t know who it is?’
‘Where did it happen?’
‘In the hospital.’
‘Sam, we have to find out who it is...’
‘No, we don’t Buck. I don’t want him to have anything to do with my baby. I don’t even know his last name. He was a terminal patient. A young boy who begged me because he didn’t want to die a virgin. I let him fuck me out of pity.’
‘Well Sam, it’s your life. But if you want my advice I…’
‘…L ask for it.’
‘OK, but either get it out or quit smoking. If I catch you smoking, I’ll abort it myself you understand. Life is a beautiful thing Sam, but it´s not easy and if you don’t do your absolute best for it you could end up destroying the most beautiful thing in this cold and empty bullshit we seem to float around in and you’ll never forgive yourself. Trust me, I know. So, you don’t drink, you don’t smoke or get high and you don’t eat any fucking red M&M’s is that understood?’ -I nodded- ‘And we go to a doctor tomorrow. I promise I won’t tell anybody OK.’
‘OK Buck,’ I said and a tear rolled down my face. Vincent came in with Doggio. Doggio sat down on the carpet and looked at me, holding his head in an angle. ‘It’s a beautiful sunny day and we’ve slept the half of it away!’ Vincent sang.
Buck looked at me. ″Tell him.″ said that look and then he went outside for a smoke.
‘I want to get out of here Vincent,’ I said.
‘I’ll take you somewhere special.’
‘I don’t want to go to school anymore.’
‘Trust me, you do. OK, maybe not today but tomorrow we go, and it’ll just be one week and then it’s summer break.’
‘So, who cares?’
‘I do, for all sorts of reasons.’
‘Yeah, and what are those?’
‘Let’s go to the mountains today. I have a lot to explain and you must have a lot to ask. Where the air is the freshest the thinking is most clear. I have friends there I want to introduce you to.’
‘That be nice.’
‘You look like you can use some mountain air anyways. I’m gonna take a shower, you should take one too, oh wait, that’ll be a little difficult. How do you do that?’
‘We’ll, the weather is great so why don’t we take a carwash-shower? I’ll just put some garbage bags over your leg and it’ll be fine.’
‘I’ll show you, come on,’ he said and then he said: ‘Buck we’re leaving, we’ll probably be back tomorrow before dusk and we’ll let you know if it’s going to be later.’
‘OK,’ said Buck and we were off.
I found out what a carwash-shower was in the carwash. It just means you put a coin in the machine, strip down to your underwear and hose each other down until the staff starts yelling at you and then you get back in the car and drive away fast. I had a lot of fun doing it. Vincent stopped somewhere in an ally and we got our clothes back on.
He put me back in the backseat of his Lexus and Doggio, who also had a good carwash-shower and was dried off the best we could sat next to him on the passenger’s seat. Mozart’s 40st was playing. ‘It’s my favorite Mozart symphony,’ Vincent said.
’Mine is the 23’d,′ I said.
‘Also, Stalin’s favorite.’
‘Yes. The musicians that were ordered to play it for him were too nervous to play at first but in the end, Stalin was very pleased with the recording. I have it on CD here. You want to hear the terrified musicians play Mozart for Stalin?’
‘MOZART FOR STALIN!’ I screamed.
‘MOZART FOR STALIN FOR YOU!’
‘MOZART FOR STALIN FOR US!’
He got a CD out of his clove box and changed the CD in the stereo. And there was the 23′d, and I didn’t hear the fear at all.
‘I play the violin and have goosebumps on my skin!’ I sang along with the music.
‘Stalin’s iron eye makes me freeze from within!’
‘The fear is in my toes, the fear is in my nose, I can only lose here, I can never win!’
‘The fear I can’t sustain, his gaze is in my brain, the great comrade Stalin!’
‘And the fear is in my eyes and the fear is in my chin, I hope he doesn’t hear the fear...’
‘OK on one. Three... two... one...’
‘IN MY VIOLIN!’ Vincent and me sang simultaneously to the sound of the musicians that actually felt this way. We drove on.
‘I’m going to pick up a friend of mine: Wandering Eagle. He has been to many places and he has seen many things.’
‘Is he also a vampire?’
‘No. Nobody is a vampire. You shouldn’t use that word. It’s like calling a black person a nigger.’
‘But you call us bloodcows!’
‘Yeah but like... never mind, I’ll school you on some mythical history later and you’ll understand.’
‘Oh yeah, the slave trade of the bronze age by the people you milk for blood.’
‘You think you know something about anything about that?’ Vincent said. He was really offended.
‘Let’s not argue Vince. It’s a beautiful day.’
‘You’re right... Wandering Eagle said he would meet me on this road,’ he said as he turned the music off and the car into a dirt road that went into the forest. Vincent started driving slowly again.
The road seemed to go on forever, cornering up besides cliffs and waterfalls and then we went over an old abandoned train-track. There was a tunnel. ‘DO NOT ENTER! TUNNEL MIGHT COLLAPSE’ said a sign in front of the tunnel. Vincent stopped before it, got out of the car and put the sign on the side of the tracks, then he drove the car into the tunnel, put the sign back and drove on. It was quite a long tunnel and we couldn’t see further than the headlights for a while until there was light, and then there was a wooden bridge, over a stream crawling down to a lake two-hundred feet below. They had lain two rows of planks on the steel of the old train-track and tight them down with rope. On the other side of the bridge stood a big man, with a thick beard, long hair and a guitar on his back. There was something sad about him.
‘I don’t know about this bridge Vincent.’
‘It’s made by the Katanga. When they make something, it will always hold.’
‘Who are the Katanga?’ I asked Vincent, who was driving very slowly over the planks. He didn’t answer and I decided that I didn’t want to distract him further from what he was doing. When he was over the bridge, he stopped the car, got out and walked up to Wandering Eagle. I could hear what they said because the windows were open.
‘My good friend Jumping with Deers. I am happy to see you,’ Wandering Eagle said.
‘I feel the same Wandering Eagle. Very much the same.’
‘So, this is the woman that choose you?’
‘And you have also chosen her?’
‘I will meet her then,’ he said and he walked up to the car. He opened the rear passenger door my back wasn’t against and stuck his hand out to me. ‘I am Wandering Eagle. It is an honor to meet you.’
‘I am Sam,’ I said, ‘and the honor is all mine.’
‘Don’t take all the honor.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.’
‘You are only young. In the future you will learn not to say things you don’t mean. Things you don’t mean are meaningless.’
‘Are you guys Native Americans?’
‘Please do not call us that. It are really stupid words. We are Indions.’
‘Yes. In Dio. People of God. It’s what Columbus called us.’
‘So, Vincent’s Indian, I mean Indion name is Jumping with Deers?’
‘Yes, what about it?’
‘It’s kind of a funny Indion name.’
‘Not everybody can be Dancing with Wolves Sam.’
‘Can I be Dancing with Wolves?’
‘That’s for the wolves to decide. But we will make talk later. You must drive further into the forest Jumping with Deers. I will sit on the roof.’
‘You’ll sit on the roof?!’ I asked.
‘Yes.’ Wandering Eagle said and then Doggio made a very soft and low noise. ‘I think your friend wants to sit on the roof too Jumping with Deers.’
‘Alright then, take place and we go further into the forest,’ Vincent said and he opened the passenger door. With one jump, Doggio was on the roof of the Lexus. Wandering Eagle climbed on there too. I saw it dent in pretty far. ‘This is going to cost me my roof,’ Vincent said.
‘Cool,’ I said, ‘we’ll make a convertible.’
‘It might seem crazy what I’m about to say...’
‘What are you going to say Sam? It can’t be that crazy.’
‘Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break?’ you don’t know this?
‘We can’t take a break we have to see the Katanga.’
‘I’m a hot air-balloon that could go to space...’
‘Sam, I have no idea what in the hell you are talking about.’
‘With an air, like I don’t care baby by the way?’
‘What is it Sam?’
‘BECAUSE I’M.... happy clap along if you feel like a car without a roof!’ Wandering Eagle, who was still on the roof, started clapping right away when he heard me sing that and he sang along right away when he heard the lyric ″Sing along if you feel like a car without a roof!″ He started strumming his guitar, and we sang the chorus over and over through the mountain forest like that. Vincent was very annoyed by this. He didn’t sing along. When my throat was sore from singing, Wandering Eagle said: ‘We must not sing anymore. It might upset the forest. There is much time for music later,’ and we were all quiet for a while.
Two men were waiting on the dead end of the train tracks. Doggio and Wandering Eagle got off the roof, Vincent got out and they approached them.
‘Kiki OE,’ One of the Indions said. Wandering Eagle nodded.
‘What is he saying?’ Vincent asked.
‘He said that if we hurry, we will be on time to help with the fire. Come on, let’s get your woman out of the car.’
They opened the door. ‘Leave your phone in the car, it is not our way,’ Wandering Eagle said and I put my phone on the back seat before they lifted me out of the car with extreme ease. They put me on a self-made stretcher, that was made out of rope, sticks and leaves. There were six dead rabbits tight to the branches. It was soft as a daisy. They started wrapping all sorts of animal skins around me. ‘The beaver skin will protect you,’ Wandering Eagle said and then they very tightly put a layer of rope around it all. They did it incredibly fast, without the slightest hesitation in their movements. When they were done, I could move nothing from the neck down. They lifted the stretcher up, put it on their shoulders and ran with it into the forest. I heard Vincent running behind me. Doggio and Wandering Eagle ran ahead. They jumped over logs and ran through streams. Wandering Eagle was making very strange and very beautiful music on his guitar while we were running. It was like he was playing in all the keys at the same time.
‘He plays so the bears know it’s them,’ Vincent said with heavy runners’ breath. After half-an-hour of this, we reached the entrance of a cave that was just narrow enough for one person to walk through at the time.
‘Kariki Da,’ the man that was holding the front of my stretcher said. Wandering Eagle nodded and grabbed a stick off the ground. He got some dried grass out of his pocked and wrapped it around it. With two fire-stones he had it on fire in two seconds.
‘It is so the snakes know it is us. They are not our way,’ Wandering Eagle said, and with the guitar on his back he walked into the cave. The rest followed behind. I heard a stream in the darkness. We went through a very complicated labyrinth of cave tunnels until suddenly, there was a blinding light. Wandering Eagle put out the torch in the sand and stuck the grass he had tight around it back in one of his pockets.
‘Kiki Di,’ said one of the Indions.
‘What did he say?’ I asked Wandering Eagle.
‘He said: ″Good, they have already made the fire, they did not need our help anyways″, now let’s bring Sam to Waking Dove. She will know.’
‘Just trust these people Sam. They have lived here long before anybody else and they know a lot more about medicine than the doctors do. I’ll help them skin the rabbits on your stretcher for the party and you listen very carefully to whatever Waking Dove says to you OK? Just keep an open mind.’
‘If my mind wouldn’t be open you wouldn’t be in it.’
‘That’s true,’ Vincent said. Wandering Eagle nodded. Then the men carried me away. I looked around and saw that I was still underground but there was a great hole in the rocks where the sun shone through. Everywhere were naked people. Kids, old ladies, young men, teenage girls... and they were all doing something. Some were making things, some were talking, some were making strange music on strange instruments with each other that echoed through the cave. And I couldn’t help it, I started singing. I just had to know how it sounded there. I didn’t sing any words, just the letter A in high tones and suddenly, someone started singing with me, and more people and more and then everybody was singing. They kept on going when the men carried me into another cave opening on the other side of the open place and one of them put his finger to my lips. They also stopped singing and very slowly walked down the tunnel.
Some skins were hung on the walls and there were all sorts of drawings of people hunting and animals. They went through a curtain of elk skins and I smelled the strangest smell I had ever smelled in my entire life. Like if the greatest bakery in the world had a location in a Buddhist temple next to a psychedelic hippie dungeon. And I heard a young, light, cheerful and very pleasant voice: ‘Sam, I am Waking Dove. Don’t be afraid. I learned to speak your language. Wandering Eagle taught me,’ Then she said ‘Karabus.’ and the Indions put me down by the small fire that was burning in the cave. The smoke could easily get out because the room was much lower than the entrance. The Indions that carried me in undid the ropes and went out of the room. ‘First I must undress you. Is that OK? You see, I am naked too so there is nothing to fear.’
‘OK,’ I said and I smiled and I looked at her. She must have been somewhere in her early twenties and she was the most stunning woman I had ever seen. Her eyes were black, wide and enigmatic, long black brads fell over curvy cheeks and her mouth seemed to open and close like a flower. ‘What is this metal on your teeth?’ she asked after she undressed me fully and put two fingers on my forehead, gently pressing it downwards. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘It is not your way.’ She then stroked her fingers over my nose, my lips, chin, neck, in between my breast and over my belly. She put her hand firmly on my head and looked at me with intense emotion of all kinds. A tear dropped out of her eye and fell into mine. ‘I see…’ she said.
‘What did you see?’ I asked.
More tears started appearing in her eyes but she never took them off mine. ‘Everything.’ she whispered and she put her hand on my belly. ‘HA!’ she screamed loudly and jumped up. She got a bunch of gigantic leaves out of the corner of the room and waved them over the fire. ‘HA! HA! HA!’ she yelled and she sat down before me. ‘Eat,’ she said and she held her hand palm up to me. There were small blue mushrooms in her hand. I looked at it hesitantly. ‘Do not worry. The child shall not be harmed,’ she said. I ate the mushrooms. They tasted awful. Waking Dove started eating them too. ‘We will see what the fire tells us,’ she said. She looked to the wall for a second or two and she said: ‘While we wait for the holy plant to show us, I shall fix your leg, is that OK?’
‘Yes,’ I said.
Walking Dove picked up a very big and very sharp looking knife out of nowhere and started cutting the casket loose.
‘Should you do that? The doctor said...’
‘How can I fix your leg if it is in a casket?’ Waking Dove said and she kept on cutting the casket. It was off there in less than twenty seconds. There were two parts of it left. ‘Take this back to your world for it does not belong in ours,’ she said, holding the two parts of the casket. My left leg, that was once half my pride and glory was now thin and pale. Very gently, Walking Dove smeared some sort of very strongly smelling potion on it that had a very tingling feeling to it. ‘There is a stick Sam. And you’re going to get the stick.’
‘A stick. You’re going to get the stick,’ she said and she got a stick from beneath a bunch of animal hides. There were all sorts of things carved in the stick. ‘I saw in a vision that I needed this stick. Now it is dry and ready. Look, it fits perfectly with your bones,’ she said as she held the stick next to my leg. She got some sort of rope and she rolled it around my leg in a strange crossway motion until my entire leg was covered with rope. ‘You can take it off the day after tomorrow. Then wait two days and you can run and jump again. And keep the rope and the stick. It is my gift to you young Sam,’ she said with a loving smile.
‘But the doctor said I have to spend at least another...’
‘Then he is not a very good doctor,’ she said, ’Let’s look in the fire, shall we? The spirits will show us what we need to know. They never show what we want to know. So never look for what you want to know but look for what you need to know.′
‘OK,’ I said and I stared into the fire. I saw nothing but fire. Then I heard thunder.
‘Gori Ki,’ Walking Dove said.
‘What does that mean?’ I asked.
‘It means the BBQ is off. But it also means the spirit of the thunder might come to see us.’
‘The spirit of the thunder?’
’Yes Sam. There is an old Indion song that we sing to summon the spirit of the thunder. I will sing it for you: ‘AHAHAHAHAHAHOW!’
‘I know that song!’ I said, enthusiastic beyond believe.
‘You know our ancient songs?’
‘But that’s ACDC!’
‘No, the spirit of the tides is a completely different song.’
‘No, the band ACDC! They made a song called Thunderstruck and it’s exactly the same!’
‘Let’s sing it then,’ Waking Dove said and then she screamed ‘AHAHAHAHAHAHOW!’ seven times, frantically into the fire and looked at me...
‘THUNDER!’ I screamed even more frantically into the fire.
And then we simultaneously screamed the rest of that song into the fire. She in her language and I in mine. When the song of Thunderstruck came to an ending, three strucks of thunder where heard. I saw wolves in the fire. I looked at Waking Dove, who was looking at the fire with intense interest. She looked at me and she nodded. I saw myself in the fire. I was in the forest, naked. I looked at Waking Dove again. She nodded again towards the fire. Five wolves jumped in front of me. The white wolf started running. I ran after it and the rest ran behind us. We just ran through the forest.
‘Hmmm. That was the first thing the fire had to tell you of course.’
‘What is that?’
I looked at the fire again. I grinned very widely at the fire. ‘O yes,’ I said.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean... that is so fucking cool... the spirit of the thunder tells me I’m...’
‘Running with Wolves, yes? But I don’t understand... how is that cool? Running makes you hot and thunder makes fire that is also hot.’
‘I’m pretty fucking hot then am I not Waking Dove?’
‘I would say you are, yes. But look into the fire. The spirit of the thunder must have much more to tell us,’ and we looked at the fire. I saw myself trip over a rat, one of the wolves (the white one) came to help me and the rat bit it’s throat and killed it. Then I saw a red one rip the rat in two and I ran further with rest of the pack. I just kept on running in the fire.
‘Listen?’ Waking Dove said, ‘The spirit is making music with the fire. It is an instrument not of this world. I have heard it once before. It is the instrument of the thunder. Do you hear it?’
‘That’s an electric guitar,’ I said.
‘How do you know about this instrument of thunder?’
‘I play one,’ I said, ‘I don’t like to brag about it but I’m pretty good.’
‘Can you bring one next time? I would like to see it. Or is it dangerous to show it?’
‘No, it’s not. But you can’t play it here because you need a machine that catches the thunder and those machines are dangerous.’
‘I don’t think you want to know,’ I said.
‘I don’t think so either. But let’s just listen to this strange music that the spirit of the thunder is making for you,’ she said as the highly pitched and heavily distorted guitar played something within a harmonic D minor scale with a lot of tapping and pull offs. It had the low E string dropped to a D, something I like to do too and was picking four beats somewhere around 130 BPM. The spirit of the thunder also went hard on the fuzz pedal. I told Waking Dove: ‘Can you tell Wandering Eagle that the spirit of the thunder wants to rock with Running with Wolves?’ She nodded and left the cave. I kept on listening to that spirit in the fire. I saw a red wolf playing a Gibson Gold top.
Waking Dove rushed in with Wandering Eagle’s acoustic guitar. There was no brand name on it or nothing but there were all sorts of wild animals carved into it. The bridge was nice and low and he used light strings which I also liked.
‘Wandering Eagle said he understood. He wishes much wisdom will fall upon you in the act of rocking with the spirit of the thunder. Here, have this. It is to be used only by those that make music with the spirits. It is very old. It is called Takana Karika, it means...’
‘You have to be kidding me!’
‘Why? What is wrong Running with Wolves? It is very old, it means...’ she said as she held the old green wooden plectrum shaped the EXACT same way as in that fucking movie in front of me.
‘The pick of destiny.’
‘You are very strange are you not young Running with Wolves?’
‘I am,’ I said while I dropped the E down. The red wolf stopped playing so I could tune.
The moment I hit the first note of a lick that could lick the fire, a band appeared behind it. A band of wolves. A white one on the drums, a black one bass and a gray one was howling. There was this amazing riff in E-pentatonic and I came up with all sorts of cool stuff over it. It wasn’t an easy riff and I hadn’t played in months because my mom took my guitar away because ″I could not learn what a volume knob is for so I just had to play with the volume knob without the guitar for a while″ I turned the amp up full volume and drummed with my index finger on the jack right after she left. She came in shortly after that and also took my amp away. But it felt so natural. I figured the chords out in a manner of minutes. I played until my fingers bled. Then I played more. I just screamed at the fire to make the pain go away. Waking Dove was sitting in the corner of the room and she smoked something out of a pipe. The fretboard became red with blood. Very calmly, Waking Dove moved out of the cave. A bowl of water was thrown on the fire. ‘It’s enough Running with Wolves,’ Waking Dove said, holding the empty bowl and she sat down in front of me with open palms. I handed her the guitar. ‘Rest,’ she said and again she put my head down on the soft animal skins. She closed my eyes with her fingers and I did not open them, not because I was afraid to open them but simply because I didn’t want to. I slept the blackest sleep. When I woke up, Vincent and Doggio were lying next to me.
‘You got a cool Indion name?’ he asked, ‘Waking Dove felt like you would like to tell it yourself.’
‘Running with wolves,’ I said with the proudest grin.
‘You have to be kidding me!’
‘Well, when they hunt me down, I rather jump over the hurdle than turn around and show my teeth. Here, try this; Wandering Eagle gave me this. It’s great natural tobacco,’ he said as he started stuffing a self-made wooden pipe.
‘I’m pregnant Vince,’ I said.
‘That’s impossible. I gave myself a Vasectomy.’
‘It’s an easy operation. You can use acupuncture to block certain nerve centers from responding and then you...’
‘I don’t want to hear about that Vince... You really did this?’
‘Yes. I can reverse it any time I want. Maybe you were just noxious from the wine this morning?’
’But it’s not yours!
‘O NO SAM!’ he said and he lifted his hands to the ceiling in complete desperation.
‘Vince,’ I said and I pointed at my left tit.
‘No,’ I said, ‘Barabbas,’ and Doggio gently put his paw on my naked belly and made a soft low sound.