Doggio´s Eyes

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7, Slut of the Future

It was still dark when we got up and there was a small fire burning in the middle of the cave opening. Wandering Eagle and Vincent carried me there on the stretcher. When they put me down, Wandering Eagle left us there, without a word. Five young women came and started making tea on the fire. They gave us a cup. When the tea was downed, the morning twilight started shining in from above and I could see some sparrows fly up to the opening. Wandering Eagle walked up to us and handed us rabbit meat.

‘It is wise to eat before your journey,’ he said.

‘Thank you, Wandering Eagle,’ I said, ‘and what is this journey you speak of?’

‘Your journey to school.’

‘Yeah, after this rabbit we really have to get going. We’ll be late for math because it’s already five in the morning and I still have to drop off Doggio at home.’

‘My complements on the cooking by the way,’ I said to Wandering Eagle.

‘I shall give the complements to my grandmother.’

‘Did she cook it?’

‘No, I did, but my grandmother likes complements better than me.’

‘Oh,’ I said. I wanted to throw the bones on the fire but Wandering Eagle said: ‘Wait!’ and he held his hand out to me. I gave him the bones and he put them in a bag that was hanging over his shoulder, ‘I will get dressed and I will walk you and your woman to your car,’ he said, ‘You get dressed too Sam. I know they look at you funny if you don’t.’

‘Yes, they do.’

‘I’ll get your clothes,’ Vincent said and he left me by the fire with the young women. I listened to their language. Sometimes there was a giggle and a look towards me. Then one of them looked at me straight and said: ‘Thunder?’

‘Ahahahahahahow,’ I sang softly and they all started giggling again. Vincent came back with my clothes and right after I was done getting dressed, Wandering Eagle and Vincent picked up the stretcher. Wandering Eagle led the way through the caves. We walked slowly through the forest. It took us an hour to get to the car. I didn’t know when school was supposed to start but I sure as shit felt like missing a lot of it. It just felt like such an anticlimax to go back to that place.

‘I have a werewolf to hunt Sam,’ Vincent said as we drove off.

‘Do you know who it is?’

‘A werewolf acts on mad love. If a werewolf is in love with someone and that person doesn’t love them back, they could try to kill that person. I think it’s Ann.’

‘You think Ann is in love with you?’


‘But she hates you!’

‘That’s why she’s in love with me.’

‘Great logic. So, can that happen to anybody, that werewolf thing?’

‘When you are bitten by one, or by a wolf that has been turned.’

‘Like Doggio?’

‘Doggio is different. Only his mother was turned. You can’t really train a Beelzebat-Wolf but you can if you cross it with other dog breeds. I turned a wolf in captivity, bred with it and the result was Doggio.’

‘So, what happened to his mother?’

‘We had to kill her. It would’ve been dangerous,’ Vincent said. Doggio lifted up his lip for a fraction of a second when he said that. Vincent didn’t see it because he was looking at the road. I didn’t tell him about it but I wondered if maybe Doggio understood.

‘So, Annabel tried to kill you?’

‘Yes... I think.’

‘Does she know about it?’

‘Yes. They remember. They don’t have much control over what they are doing while the thing goes. They just... follow their heart, I guess. So, they kill people that don’t love them back or people that are in the way of them getting to their love. It’s madness and they know it. But they choose to change anyways.’

‘They choose?’

‘Yes. They can’t change without putting their mind to it. Takes about an hour for them to get into it. They have to sit down and very consciously focus on becoming a werewolf.’

‘And what about the moon?’

‘They love it.’

‘But do they need it?’

‘No, they just love it. They love to do it in that light for some reason. Run around in some maniacal dream, slaughtering people because of a lovesick heart.’

‘And you need silver to kill them?’

‘Only after they change. Before the change they are just as easy to kill as you are.’

‘I’m not easy to kill Vince. Lemmy said so.’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just that the Bronze Kings are really...’



‘It’s a terrible day. Let’s argue.’

‘What about?’

’The word vampire.′

‘Will you please not say that! I’ll promise to stop calling you bloodcow if you stop calling me... that fucking word OK?’

‘I want to be your bloodcow Vince. But I also want you to be my vampire.’

‘What kind of blood-type do you have anyways?’ Vincent asked as casually as he could.


His eyes widened and his pupils became red. I saw long fangs emerge out of nowhere in his mouth. They were white as snow and he looked at me. The fangs looked incredibly sharp and they curled a little to the middle of his mouth. Now it wasn’t just the pupils that were red anymore, it were his entire eyes!

‘Vince it’s me... please don’t kill me...’ I whispered in terror.

‘I know Sam... it’s like... when you look at someone and you get a boner it doesn’t mean you’re gonna rape her.’

‘So, you want to bite me more because I have A-positive?’ Vincent started breathing heavily when I said that.

‘You got a knife Vince?’ I asked.

‘You want something to protect yourself from me? I understand but that wouldn’t work, you see B... vampires are...’

‘No Vince... I just want to give you a little taste of me. That’s all. I wanna know what you think.’

‘Of... of... what?’

‘Of the way my blood tastes dummy!’ I said. He stopped the car.

‘I always carry some stuff for roadside surgery,’ he said and he got out. He opened the trunk, got something out and sat on his knees before me in the back of the car. He opened a kit with all sorts of very sharp scalpels, pliers and god knows what.

‘Are you sure you want to let me do this?’ Vincent asked.

‘I’m sure,’ I said, ‘I know how important it is to you.’

‘Where do you want me to cut?’

‘My ass. I want you to carve something sweet in there.’

‘My god you are... you are the most amazing bloodcowgirl in the fucking universe, you are...’

‘Save it for my ass,’ I said, and I turned around.

He lifted my skirt up and pulled my panties down. The blade was so sharp that it made the pain soft. He was only busy cutting for fifteen seconds. He cut something on my right butt cheek. I’m glad he didn’t decide to start a novel there. I felt the blood stream down and his tong lick it off there, ‘My sweet heavens... this is so sweet... this is... mmmm!’ Vincent said in between his licking.

‘You got a thing for A-positive?’

‘Do I have a thing for A-positive! Mmmm! Ahw... alright. That’s enough now Vince. You don’t wanna bleed her dry. This will burn a little Sam,’ he said and it burned a little.

‘What did you write there?’

‘You’ll see later. It’s a little surprise. You’ll love it. We’ll take the bandage off tonight.’

I turned around. The rest of the ride was a little less comfortable.

‘Vince?’ I asked just before he pulled up in front of his house.


‘Can you turn into a bat?’



‘Can you wait in the car? I don’t want to carry you up all these stairs. I’m just going to put Doggio in the house and get my books. That’s all. You want some coffee?’

‘Yes. Are you gonna make those cappuccinos again?’

‘Alright,’ he said and he got out. I saw him and Doggio walk up all those stairs. I needed a smoke. I saw Vincent’s pack on the dashboard. He didn’t smoke in the car the entire ride. ‘Lemmy, if you don’t want me to smoke, give me sign,’ I said and just when I said that, the sunscreen went down and something fell out of its compartment. It was gold. It was one of those open and close lighters. ‘Zippo’ it read so those kinds, I guess. There was a Motörhead logo and Lemmy’s face on it in black. I lit the best smoke I ever had. There’s a lot to say for the vampire-romance lifestyle but it sure is stressful. I looked at the lighter while I was smoking. I looked at the back. ’Will you marry me?′ said the back of the zippo.

‘O shit!’ I said and I tried to put it back in the compartment but I couldn’t reach it. I saw Vincent walk down the stairs and I quickly put the cigarette out in the ash-train and waved my hand around to get the smoke out. I put the lighter in my pocket and I just hoped that I would find a chance to put it back there before he would notice because I didn’t want to fuck this up for him. Also, I had an idea of how I could finally romance-top Vincent now but I had to be quick about it.

‘Guess what?’ he said while he got in the car and handed me a coffee. He put the sunscreen up without looking at it.


‘Love-letter from Ann,’ he said and he threw a red envelope with a white heart on it at me.

‘How do you know it’s from Ann?’

‘Because who would be so fucking style-less to stick a white heart you cut out of a white paper on a red envelope with glue? The kind of person that can’t even understand the Matrix.’ he said as I opened the letter.

‘Vincent. It’s Ann,’ I read.

‘See? Just read the rest while I wrap this around your leg so they won’t find out about your vampire boyfriend’s secret Indion friends in the wilderness OK? It might freak them out a little.’

I went back to reading the letter.

You were so right about the Matrix. I didn’t understand any of it. And I still don’t and I watched it three times since when you send me that text. I guess I really do have down syndrome…

I’m sorry. It’s just that, I did some research on you because I kind of run this school because my dad is the richest man in town and I like to know who the newcomers are in Dead Rat. There aren’t many. I have my ways and I found out you were this chess player in Denmark and that you made like a million in a game with some private bet or something and you drove a Ferrari and I was like wow! Finally, someone of my standard.

But then you got with that nerd girl Sam or something because you were shy or something but I’m here Vince!!! I was going to say something but I was just pissed at Sam because she knows I always talk to the newcomers first. I wasn’t trying to offend you or anything. I don’t know where you went all of the sudden but I heard Sam was in an accident. It’s really sad kind of. Everybody is asking me if I want to drive there or borrow my car but like, it’s like all the way in fucking Denver and I don’t want anybody to drive my car because it’s really expensive. It’s that yellow Jeep. Have you seen it? You like it? We should like, totally drive in the mountains or something. Please just call me Vincent. My number is on the back.



‘That bitch is a total fucking werewolf,’ I said after I finished reading the letter.

‘We better kill her then,’ Vincent said.

‘You should have a little date with her in the mountains. And then you hold her down and I’ll put a silver knife to her throat and I’ll say that she’s total fucking cunt and I’ll cut her up like a fucking pizza.’

‘Jesus Sam. Well, I guess we could do that actually, wait, this letter is also important. It’s from Kharkanov.’

‘That was Ghargatron’s father, right?’

‘Yes. The stamp is authentic so it has to be.’

‘Do you want to read it?’

‘Alright.’ Vincent said and started reading Kharkanov’s letter

’The first page just says: ‘’For fighting bravely on my son’s side, I commend you and give you his last letter to me. Good luck with his riddle. I hope the execution of his will shall be a smooth operation.’’’ then he started reading the next page of the letter.

Dear father,

Two bitches have given birth to nests of six cups each. One woman has given birth to one little girl also. She will be a fine daughter. I have named her Petite, because she is small. The woman will go to live with her in Paris. I have great hopes for them.

Vincent has told me about a girl he likes. He is not keen to like people so maybe she is fit. I hope to find someone soon so I don’t have to pick out of haste. I asked him how he found this girl and he told me that he was inspired to go to a school of indoctrination by the shadow masters after seeing a film called ″Twilight″.

I have only seen three films in my life: a film called ″Birth of a nation.″, a film called ″Triumph of the Will″ and a film called ″Blackula″. I liked those films. I knew I would like them before I saw them because the titles were good. But after ″Blackula″, I clearly stated: ‘There is no need for more films than the three films I have seen. Everything is in these films that can be expressed through the medium of film. We see in the first one how it rises, in the second how it falls and in the third how it avenges itself. The rest shall be only repetition of the same essence.’’, but now, after I heard of this film called ″Twilight″, I happily declare that I must retract that statement for after it has risen, fallen and avenged itself, all that rests is for it is to end.

The film of ‘’Twilight’’ is about many things, but it is in essence a strict Hegelian film. We look for evil, which is the dark, because the moment after we are born, the light hurts our eyes and we cannot see because it is too bright, but when we reach the darkness, we cannot see either, for there is no light in the darkness. So, we want to go back to the light. Moving back and forth in between a thesis and an antithesis is pointless for nothing can progress and that which does not progress tends to hold the future hostage out of fear for the past. Life is the nature of addiction, just as addiction is the nature of life. Addiction is attraction to substance, and of course, the law of attraction over-spans al. But now take the old saying from James Joyce: ″Give substance to shadows.″. The wisdom of how we can escape our nature as addicts to the light or the darkness is not to be found clearer, and more understandable than in the film of ″Twilight″, because when a Hegelian approach is taken towards building an analogy that exemplifies the trend towards stagnation in involutionary growth in the modern human condition we find that if this so called ″evil″ represents abstinence or therefore, a shadow that is not being adapted as the new light but is simply given substance to, we could take this so called ″good″, which is the light and make a syntheses with it were we are safe, were we can walk, talk and steal kisses: the twilight.

So, I recommend this film of ″Twilight″ to everybody who can hear, see or both because it has a good title. Let’s see it together in the near future, shall we father? I give you my blessings to mother so you may give mother to my blessings.

Greetings from your son Ghargatron, King of Kings.


I have seen my death. It will be a good death. My body will feed the sharks. I feel it will happen soon. I will have my will ready in three days for I fear I am correct in always assuming I am right. It shall be in the vault. The one who enters the right combination shall be rewarded beyond their imagination for they shall be richer than the richest imagination can imagine. The one who enters it wrong shall die. The prophesy shall unfold. The beast is coming. The time of the wolf is upon us. Here is the riddle that must be told to the Kings in the event of my death:

‘’ I’ve worked at Auschwitz, one week, except on the lord’s day. Then out of quilt I quit. After I went to church and prayed, God told me to go to the desert for 40 days and then He would forgive me.

I multiplied the days I worked in the camp until I was in time and in hours I left. At what time did I leave?’’

Enter the code in the vault of my ship, the Gharnagan. Right combination brings fortune and wrong combination brings death. You’ll find my will in my Bugatti. A King of Kings must live forever after his death and everybody else’s!

‘O my God Vincent! Do you think Ann also killed that woman’s baby?’

´No, she already left. The women always leave after giving birth to Ghargatron’s spouse right away. He just names the child, gives them an immense amount of money and sends them to a city somewhere. It is estimated that Ghargatron has impregnated over 3500 women over the course of his life. I don’t know where he found the time but...′

‘Are you going to attempt that riddle Vincent?’

‘It’s not important. What is important is that we kill Annabel. You bet Kharkanov will turn you if we kill that thing,’ he said and he drove off. There was another letter on the chair, ‘Shall I read that one while we drive?’ I asked.

‘Sure,’ Vincent said.

‘Dear Vincent, you don’t know me but I love you...’ I read and then I said, ‘You have got to be fucking kidding me!’

‘What can I say?’

‘But that means that Ann might not be the werewolf. There’s three girls in love with you and we can only cross one of the list.’

‘Read on then, and let’s hope she’s not anonymous.’

’Or… he.′

‘Fuck Sam. I don’t want to think about that. Just read the letter.’

‘I really hope it’s a guy,’ I said and I started reading the rest of it:

I’m so sick of it Vincent. I’ve been in this godforsaken place all my life and the only light I could find I had to stick up my nose.

I stopped reading at that line. ‘I know who it is,’ I said.

‘You’re going to tell me it’s a guy of course.’

‘No, it’s Susy, she’s the school’s cokewhore.’

‘Well, nobody says cokewhores can’t be werewolves. Read on.’

Every time I put my dad’s gun in my mouth and sit in the darkness, a feeling that someday somebody will take me away from here and helps me live a life worth living stops me from pulling the trigger and help me god it will not be that fucking ″boyfriend″ of mine. He treats me like garbage and even beats me sometimes but he’s very manipulative and he keeps me hooked on the dope.

I was hoping maybe you would take me away from here, because I found out what you are. I’m pretty fucking naive Vincent, but I never thought that Twilight bullshit was going to save me. But yeah, during lunch, I followed you to your car the first day you were at school and I saw you change and drink blood.

I love you Vincent, and if you don’t love me, will you please kill me and drink my blood because I can’t change without you and I can’t keep on going this way. I would much rather die as your vampire food than keep on living as Tygo’s sperm bucket.

My heart is yours, and so is the blood it is pumping,


Please call me, my number is on the back.

‘Jesus,’ Vincent said.

‘That’s the saddest thing I ever read.’

‘Yeah, it’s really sad.’

I stuck the letters in my pocket and we just looked at the road, thinking of how sad it was.

After we drove out of the forest and were approaching town, I thought of something. ‘You said werewolves change because they want to kill people out of mad love, right?’


‘So, what if Tygo found out Susy is in love with you? Would that not be a reason for him to turn if he was a werewolf?’

‘You’re right Sam,’ Vincent said for the first time in this story.

‘So, now we have four suspects.’

‘It seems like it, yes.’

‘Why do you have to be so fucking cute!’ I said and I punched him on the shoulder. He laughed, ‘Were you really a chess champion in Denmark?’

‘Jed var Danmarks bedste,’ he said as he drove the car into the parking-lot and got the wheelchair out of the trunk, ‘I think we’re on time for math,’ he said, ‘I checked the schedule. We both have math.’

‘What’s the point of school Vince? We already have their numbers and it’s not like they aren’t prepared to come to you. Just tell Susy to bring her boyfriend along so you can teach him a lesson and we’ll find out who it is at your place. How do you find out actually?’

‘You look them in the eyes and you can see if they lie when you ask them. Also, you can taste it but you have to drink a lot. And I won’t teach that boyfriend of hers a lesson. I am going to kill him though, regardless if he is a werewolf or not.’

‘I’d like to see that Vincent, but can we please not go to fucking math?’

‘Alright Sam. We can just go to my place to Netflix and chill in the meantime. I’ve got a beamer,’ he said and he put the wheelchair back in the trunk and drove off the parking-lot.

‘Vince?’ I said as we drove out into the street.

‘What is it Sammie?’

‘I have to tell you something.’

‘What is it Sammie?’

’I never watched Twilight.′

‘You haven´t missed much.’



’Will you watch Twilight with me?′

‘Alright Sammie. We’ve been through a lot but I think this will be our greatest adventure yet.’

‘I think so too,’ I said and I thought, ‘Poor Susy.’ and then I thought, ‘Unless she’s a werewolf.’

We couldn’t get past the first ten minutes of Twilight so we just fucked on the couch. I couldn’t believe the ease with which he had carried me up all those stairs. After a quick argument we decided that if it was Lemmy’s baby I was carrying that some weed won’t hurt it and so we got high, then we fucked again on the terrace outside and sat there for a while in silence. ‘I’m going to call them,’ Vincent said eventually. He took his phone out of his pocket and put it on speaker.



‘Who are you?’

‘Vincent. I got your letter.’

‘Vincent... Where were you? And what are you going to do?’

‘I’m going to invite you over for dinner tonight. We can talk about it. Wear something sexy and classy. There will be more guest.’

‘Who are they?’

‘You’ll see.’

‘Are they rich?’


‘How late?’

‘The dinner party is from seven till twelve at my house, then we’ll decide if we want to turn it into another kind of party.’

‘Alright. I’ll be there,’ she said and she made two kiss noises and was about to hang up but Vincent said: ‘Wait!’ and Ann said: ‘What is it?’

‘Something very important. If you plan to bring wine, I like red.’

‘Alright Vincent,’ she said and then Vincent hung up the phone. I smiled.

‘OK, next suspect.’

‘I need a smoke first,’ Vincent said and he lit a cigarette. He dilled the number. We waited five seconds to that beep, before it went over.

‘Please...’ said a voice on the other side of the phone.

‘It’s Vincent Susy.’

‘I’m... I’m... O my God.... I was about to... O my God...’

‘Where are you Susy?’

‘At... I’m at the old bridge Vincent.’

‘Jesus. I’ll pick you up. Just stay put and don’t do anything crazy OK?’

‘OK...’ Susy said and she started crying.

‘I’ll be there in twenty minutes,’ Vincent said and he hung up the phone. After Vincent left, I took my phone out of my pocket and designed and ordered my romance-top thing.

And just as that was done, Ann walked into the house. ‘What are you doing here Sam?’ she asked.

’What are you doing here? The party is at seven, didn’t you hear?′

‘Yeah, but what are you doing here?’

‘I’m getting dead.’

‘You’re weird. Where’s Vincent. I want to help him with the preparations. A dinner party is always better with a girl’s touch I say. Good thing I came cuz you don’t look like you could be of much help. I heard your dad’s gay. And that he is in a coma or something. What is it Sam? Why do you look at me like that?’

‘I just have PMS Annabel, don’t worry about it.’

‘Anyways, look what I brought: Vincent wine!’ she said and she held a red bottle of Vincent wine in the air. ‘It’s really expensive. Good thing I have some class and know about these things,’ she said as Vincent walked in the house with Susy, who had a black eye and a cut on her eyebrow.

‘Vincent! There you are. What happened to you Susy?’ Ann asked.

‘I got drunk with Tygo last night and I fell against the toilet when I had to vomit. Then I had to vomit and I woke up in my blood and vomit.’

‘You shouldn’t drink so much Susy, you’re already clumsy enough when you’re sober.’

Vincent’s eyes became red and his fangs started appearing.

‘O.M.G.’ Ann said, ’this is just like Twilight!′

‘It’s really nothing like in the movies.’ I said and then Vincent bit her head off in one bite. He drank all of her blood straight from her neck as he held up her headless body as if it was a Coca Cola. She was drained and blue in less than ten seconds. He threw the headless blue bitch at Doggio and Doggio digested her even quicker than Vincent had drained her blood. Her cracking bones were the greatest music I had ever had the pleasure of listening to except for Motörhead. He put her head on the table. ‘Call Tygo and invite him over for a dinner party,’ he said to Susy, ‘I think the moon is full tonight!’ And he looked at me with the most terrifying grin that a stream of blood ever poured out of. ‘Not bad,’ he said to me, ‘for a B-negative I mean.’

‘Can... can you do it?’ she said as she handed her phone to Vincent. She was shaking all over. It reminded me of the song Shaking all over.

‘Give me the phone Susy. I’ll call Tygo.’ I said and Susy gave me the phone. It was already going over.

‘Hi Tygo, it’s Sam.’

‘Hi sugar, why you callin’ me on my girls’ phone?′

‘I’m getting high in the forest with Susy but she passed out. I think Vincent was also here just now. We really need some Angel Dust and a dick that’s a little bigger than five inches. We’re at Vincent’s place. Everybody seems to know where that is for some reason so so should you. You gonna be there?’

‘Yeah... Imma be there. How much dust you need?’

‘How much you got?’

‘More than you can ever effort biatch so just tell me what you need.’

‘Five grams.’

‘That’s a hundo babe. You got a hundo?’

‘I got a hundo. Can you be there in half?’

‘Baby I be there in TEN! Get that pussy wet for me will ya?’

‘You get that pussy wet yourself Tygo.’

‘Ayt. I’m on my way back from Denver, I can be there in ten,’ he said and he hung up the phone.

‘Alright,’ Vincent said, ‘Susy can you wait in the kitchen for five minutes? There are some private things Sam and me have to discuss.’

Susy cried softly and left the living-room without a word.

‘I don’t think Ann is the werewolf. She didn’t taste any different than the next B-negative bitch in the line for the bathroom. Now I’m going to kill Tygo and if I don’t taste any in his blood you know what we have to do right?’ he whispered.

‘Jesus Vincent,’ I whispered back, ‘You don’t think Susy would do that do you?’

‘People are complicated Sam. The one thing I learned from studying brains is that you can never understand them.’

‘Alright, but can I ask you one thing?’

‘What is it?’

’Can I please be the one that kills Tygo?′

‘Do you know how to use a gun?’


‘This isn’t like with the Ferrari engine in my Lexus, right?’

‘Give me your gun and I’ll prove it.’

‘OK,’ Vincent said and he took off his 42 and ankle holster and put it around my ankle. ‘Show me.’

‘Can you make Ann face me?’ I asked and Vincent turned Ann’s head. I drew quick and shot straight through her right eye. Susy started screaming in the kitchen.

‘You keep that! It’s yours! You’ve earned it!’ Vincent yelled proudly as he got up and knocked on the kitchen door. ‘OK Susy, the matter is discussed and that shot was just for practice. Let’s have a smoke and talk about what we are going to do.’

’Vincent I’m sorry... I... I have to be alone for a little while I can’t look at this... I can’t see this... What are you? What ARE you two? This is... I can’t... You two are monsters!

‘Can I come in Susy?’

‘No please.... I can’t... I just... I can’t fucking TAKE this shit anymore!’ she said and then there was a shot. Vincent opened the door. I saw her lying on the floor. She had blown her own brains out.

Through the class, I saw Tygo with his Glock and he shot Vincent in the head with it. I drew, aimed and killed faster than Clint Eastwood.

‘VINCENT!’ I screamed. I saw him stand there with a hole in his head as if nothing had happened. The bullet was pushed out of the hole by some magical force and fell on the ground. The hole was gone in less than a second.

‘What?’ he said.

‘That Kings of the bronze age thing is bullshit am I right?’

‘Not entirely. I’ll tell you later,’ he said. He walked up the terrace and said: ‘WOW!’ as he held up the body. The bullet had gone straight through his left eye. Vincent and Doggio did the same thing to the body of Tygo. Vincent started howling when he had drunk Tygo dry. ‘WHOOOO! THIS IS ME! THIS IS IT! WHOOOO! YES! JESUS MOTHERFUCKING PUSSY CUNT DONKEYFUCKER! I’VE NEVER BEEN SO ALIVE IN MY LIFE!’ and he kept on howling. Then he calmed down a little and placed Tygo’s head next to Ann’s on the table.

‘It makes me sad to look at this,’ I said.

‘It makes me sad too! Sad beyond believe! All this violence! If only we could learn to live without it....’

‘It makes me sad because I wanted to hunt them. Now I can’t hunt them anymore.’

Vincent looked at the heads. He went to the kitchen and came back. He sat before me with wide eyes and a quivering voice that said: ‘I think I can do the most creepy and romantic thing in the universe for you if you have an open mind. I mean, not like them of course but...’

‘What is it?’

‘Brain surgery.’

‘You mean... you mean you’re going to build a Frankenstein out of Tygo and Annabel simply so I can hunt it?’

’I could try Sam... I could only try... It will be the most complicated operation ever. I’d have to call my father. It will take all of me. But I think I can do it. The bodies are still fresh. But I have to start right now you hear me. Right now.′

‘That would be wonderful Vincent but I don’t understand, what brain would you put in there? They all got shot through the head!’

‘Yes, but Tygo through the left eye and Ann through the right eye!’

‘So what?’

‘Don’t you know this? You have two brains! I’m going to make boy-girl brain out of Tygo and Ann, connect the hemispheres and put it in Susy’s head!’

‘And you’re going to do that right here on the kitchen table?’

‘No, are you mad?’ he said as he put the coffee-table in the corner and rolled up the carpet that was under there. ‘I’ll do it in my laboratory!’

‘You have a laboratory?! That is so fucking cool...’

‘I’ll show you later,’ he said as he carried Ann’s and Tygo’s heads down the stairs under the heavy metal hatches. ‘But for now, it’s important not to go there under any condition,’ his voice echoed from below. ‘You just have to take care of me because I need all my focus and energy in bringing this operation to a successful ending.’

‘Why is it so cold down there?’ I asked because a chilling freeze came up from the hole.

‘So that the brains don’t rot.’

‘What brains?’

‘Of the dogs.’

‘What dogs?’

‘What do you think I have to practice on? I go to pounds and adopt dogs who were going to be put down anyways so at least now they can be good for science. Don’t ask me shit tonight. Just keep yourself entertained and make me dinner otherwise I’ll never be able to do this.’

‘But my leg is broken!’

’Alright, order pizza then. You can take the thing off tomorrow according to Waking Dove and in three days you can run. I’ll make sure Frankenstygann is done by then. Look, if you don’t want me to do this... I’m doing this for you Sam.′

‘You’re also doing it for yourself. And Frankenstygann sounds stupid.’

’I’m doing it for us and Frankenstygann is the coolest fucking name ever! But it’s your pray to play with so you can name it if you want but it sure is not going to be cooler than Frankenstygann!′

‘Alright Vincent. Do it then. And I shall name this beautiful pray of mine...’ I said and I started laughing but I put my hand in front of my mouth because it was just the worst joke I’ve ever heard.

‘What do you call it?’

‘It’s really bad but it’s really funny.’


‘You’re not Jewish, are you?’

‘No, why?’


‘YES! But first, REQUIEM!’ he said as he walked out of his underground laboratory and he tapped the I-pad. It made Mozart’s requiem echo full volume out of the hole. He grabbed the bottle of Vincent wine, took a sip and carried Susy’s body and the bottle down to his mad scientist vampire dungeon. I thought, ‘fuck it’, and I lit a smoke. I decided to keep it at that. I just listened to the noises that came from the laboratory. Sawing noises and beeping devices, and sometimes loud laughs and curses from Vincent. It went on for hours before he came out of there.

‘Coffee time,’ he said, ‘You wanna coffee?’

‘Just put me in bed,’ I said. He lifted me off the couch and put me in his bed.

‘I’m sorry but I don’t have time to give you a bedtime story.’

‘The only bedtime story I care about is on my ass.’

‘I can still taste the werewolf in Tygo’s blood. I never felt so alive... I never had so much energy. And I’m going to do the most...’

‘Show me my ass Vincent!’ I said. Vincent turned me around and went out of the room. He returned shortly with a little hand mirror in his hand, through which I could see my ass in the big mirror in the corner of the room. He lifted my skirt up and pulled my panties down. Then he ripped the bandage off. ’Bite me.′ it said in small and elegant letters. He tapped my ass gently, kissed my cheek and left the room without a word.

I found Ghargatron’s letter in my pocket and the late afternoon sun that shun through the curtains provided me with enough light to read it. I read that riddle over and over. It was slowly getting dark. I heard Mozart turn into Motörhead after a while and then I heard Motörhead turn into Britney Spears. I kept on thinking about it. All the combinations went through my head. Then I whispered it with a shaking voice in the darkness: ’Eureka... eureka... it’s so obvious... he left at 3:36. I’m a math genius!′

Thunderstruck was heard. I answered my phone. ‘Hi Sam, glad you picked up. It’s Buck. It’s not dark yet but Vincent said he would bring you back at dusk and it’s getting there. Are you on your way?’

‘I was going to call you. I went to the doctor and he told me I’m not pregnant. He also took the casket off. I’m at Vincent’s house in the woods now. I want to stay there for a couple of days. Get my head straightened out in the fresh air. That’s alright isn’t it?’

‘Where does he live?’

‘On the end of the eighth dirt road on the left when you drive south out of town.’

‘OK, I’ll come by tomorrow.’

‘I don’t know if that’ll be convenient Buck I...’

‘I’ll come over right now.’

‘Buck, please don’t, things are a little...’

‘O, I understand, I’ll come around tomorrow in the late afternoon so you’ll have time to clean up from the party.’

‘That would be fine Buck,’ I said and I just hoped that Vincent would be done with his operation by then. I couldn’t wait to hunt Ann Frankenstein. I thought about what kind of rifle I wanted to use. ‘Four days until Christmas,’ I said, petting my leg, and dreaming about the hunt, running after Ann Frankenstein with Doggio by my side, I slept the most wonderful sleep. When I woke up, I thought ‘Shit. What was it again?’ and quickly I remembered it was 3:36. I yelled ‘Vincent!’ and Vincent didn’t come. But Waking Dove said I could take the casket off today and that I could walk by now so I got out of bed and walked out of the room.

There were still hacking and sawing noises from below the house but Vincent was lying on the sofa with headphones on, out of which the song Everytime was heard quit loudly. On the ground were five empty bottles of red wine and an empty strip of those morphine pills lay on the table next to an ash-train filled over the top with joint butts. I decided to just let him sleep but I did wonder about who was hacking and sawing Ann Frankenstein together down there. I got to the kitchen and cut that casket off with a steak-knife, then I removed the rope, which took me about two hours because that rope was tight around there in a very complicated way.

Just when that was done, I heard it coming from the laboratory, that old, old cry every mad scientist dreams of:


I stood on my leg and it seemed fine, just a little weaker than the right one but it didn’t hurt. I took off Vincent’s headphones, turned off Everytime (it seemed to be playing in a loop) and decided to check on Ann Frankenstein. ‘FUCK ME OLD MAN! FUCK ME HARD! PLEASE! I’LL SUCK YOUR DICK!’

There was a tent in the middle of a large white room with all sorts of computer things and machines on the wall. A chill ran through my spine because of the cold. I saw some blurs through the thick plastic of the tent. I could make out the monster and a man that was stitching her head but I could not see his face. ’Vincent! Come in. We’ve done the greatest thing men has ever done! We have created: the slut of the future!′

I opened the door to the tent and saw a very old man with white hair sticking out in all sorts of directions. He was smoking a cigarette and stitching Ann Frankenstein’s forehead. She looked just as beautiful as Susy did before she died. With her bright blue eyes, black hair and rosy cheeks. ‘Who are you?’ the man asked as he looked up.

‘Sam I am, Vincent’s girlfriend.’

‘Please to meet you. Look at this wonder of science,’ he said as Susy, I mean Ann Frankenstein looked up to me. Her eyes were wide and her voice was shaky. ‘Sit on my whore face Sam! I’ll suck your cunt! Piss all over my fucking whore face Sam! Please... I’ll lick your asshole... I’ll do anything...’

‘Shut up Ann Frankenstein!’ I said and she just started breathing heavily in between licking her lips. ’So, who are you?′ I asked.

‘I am Ludwig Offenbach, Vincent’s father. I was doing a little brain-surgery masterclass in the university of Grand Junction when my boy called me about an opportunity to do the most complicated brain-surgery operation ever done. When I arrived early this morning, Vincent was on the end of his ropes. It takes a lot of a man to do a thing like this. But he had already done most of the work and he just left the details to me so he could finally get drunk. But now it’s finished so I can get drunk too, and then I’m going to fuck the slut of the future!’

‘AHHH! YES!’ Ann Frankenstein exclaimed in total sexual hysteria.

‘Wouldn’t that be a little unethical?’

‘Yeah... you two are really the authority when it comes to ethics in medicine aren’t you? Don’t do anything to Ann Frankenstein OK, don’t touch her. We need the brain to stabilize first.’

‘Will she behave a little more normal after you do that?’

‘Who knows. We’ve never seen a boy/girl brain before so we have no idea what it’s going to do.’

‘OK,’ I said and I just walked after Ludwig to the living-room. Ludwig got a backpack off one of the chairs and pulled a bottle of vodka out of it. He drank a third of the bottle in one gulp and then he lit another cigarette. ‘I’m going to play some Liszt on the piano if you don’t mind. I always get drunk after an operation and play Liszt, until I become too drunk to play Liszt, then I play Mozart and when I get to drunk for that I play Chopin until the coda of my head on the keyboard.’

‘I don’t mind mister Offenbach.’

‘Call me Ludwig,’ he said as he started playing Liszt. It looked really difficult to play. Whenever he had a hand free, he used it to take a large sip of the bottle that he placed on the piano.

‘You play anything Sam?’ he asked.

‘I play guitar.’

‘What kind of guitar?’

‘The kind that blows your brains out.’

‘Then I suppose you don’t know any Debussy.’

‘I can play all the Motörhead songs on it.’

‘Wat’s a Motorhead?’

‘An amphetamine enthusiast.’

‘And they have songs about that?’


‘Well, alright,’ he said as the last note of Liszt was heard. He got up from the piano and took a large gulp of the bottle. ‘I want to do a little scientific experiment with Ann Frankenstein before I get really drunk.’

‘What is it?’

‘I want to see what happens when you sit and piss on her face.’

‘Well, tough luck Rick, you’ll have to find another Morty to do that shit for you.’

‘What are you talking about? My name is Ludwig. And this is for science. Come one, you’ll like it. Vincent would want you to. I know you women are all just as slutty as that creature below. It’s just that the right hemisphere is preventing you to act on it but now that that is replaced by its male counterpart you get the slut of the future! I mean, sure my son must love you but you have to understand that he’ll leave you for Ann Frankenstein the very day you stop sucking his dick,’ he said. I got the 42 out of my ankle holster and shot him in the balls. He screamed and fell to the floor. Vincent woke up.

‘What the fuck... what the fuck is this shit... what’s that?’ he said as he put his hand on his forehead. ‘Was that Ann Frank? WOW! What the fuck! Sam did you just shoot my dad’s balls off?’

‘He was gonna... he was going to fuck Ann Frank!’

‘What? That is fucking disturbing dad!’

‘What do you know?!’ Ludwig screamed in agony, holding the wound where once his balls were, ’She is the slut of the future!

‘She was supposed to be a pray. I fine-tuned the brain. She was supposed to be terrified. Not horny.’

‘Those two things aren’t far apart... fucking Christ... fucking bitch... I... ARG... I didn’t mean to...’

‘Yes, you did you sexist bigot! You turned my beautiful Ann Frank into the slut of the future!’ I said.

‘Well... what do you think is more useful to society?’

‘Shall I put this fucker out of his misery Vincent?’ I asked as I pointed the gun at Ludwig’s head.

‘Jesus dad! All these years we’ve been doing brain surgery... Ever since mom died of that tumor and I thought... but these were your sick fucking intentions?’

‘You don’t understand! All the problems of the world are there because bitches aren’t putting out. All the wars... this would have saved it... now can you please just fucking kill me already you stupid fucking bitch! I’ll have to do it myself anyways now you made some sort of genderless abomination out of me!’

And just as I was about to pull the trigger Vincent said: ‘WAIT.’

‘Vince, I understand he’s your father but...’

‘NO SAM. It’s just that I’ve got some Frankensteining to do,’ he said as he pulled another bottle of vodka out of his dad´s backpack and dragged Ludwig down the hole by his collar. He was looking at me maniacally as he walked down the stairs and he took a big sip of the vodka.

‘NO! DON’T FRANKENSTEIN ME! I’M YOUR FATHER! KILL ME VINCENT! I AM YOUR FATHER! KILL ME!’ Ludwig was screaming as he was dragged into the laboratory.

‘AW YES! Old man.... Did you come to fuck me? Please old man...’ I heard Susy’s voice say.

‘He won’t be fucking anybody anymore!’ Vincent yelled as he walked up the stairs to closed the hatches. ‘Get out of here Sam,’ he said.

‘I know the answer.’

‘The answer to what?’

‘Ghargatron’s riddle.’

‘What is it?’

‘Not saying.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I want to be the one opening the vault.’

‘Are you one-hundred percent sure.’


‘Just give it to me and I will enter it in the vault. I would way rather be dead than to have to see you die.’

‘And you don’t think the same counts for me?’

’Alright. Let’s go to the Gharnagan before someone beats us to the game then you crazy bitch. But if I get the riddle before we get there it is going to be me entering the code you understand?′

I nodded. ‘Give me the gun,’ he said and I gave him the gun. He went back into the laboratory. There was one shot and a scream of Ludwig where I hoped to hear two shots and no screams at all. He walked out, closed the hatch and said: ‘Let’s make a crazy rich bitch out of you!’

‘RICH BITCH!’ I screamed and Vincent shot the gun at the ceiling.

‘RICH BITCH!’ Vincent screamed and then we noticed it. The glass of the door was broken and Doggio sat calmly next to a gigantic pile of shit on the terrace with glass in his fur.

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