July 27th
July 27
Strange things have been happening at night. I’ve started sleep walking. I’ve never done that before in my life. It’s been twice now that I’ve found myself standing up and scratching at the wallpaper in my bedroom. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Perhaps it’s nerves. I’ve developed a sharp pain in my chest when I breathe in. I saw a doctor and he told me it was anxiety. I suppose it makes sense. This isn’t exactly the most peaceful place in the world to work. The other night I was eating dinner with Mrs. Amherst, and Ava walked in and began to feign dusting the room whilst shooting me wilting glances. When Madison came in to serve us dessert she shooed Ava out. “Well, I don’t know why ELIZABETH is so special.” She said. I suppose you and I are just servants while ELIZABETH is something special.” “Elizabeth helps Joshua to eat, young lady,” snapped Madison. “And if you’re wise you’ll not mention this to the Captain.” Maybe I will and maybe I won’t.” Ava said, and she prissed out of the room. Mrs. Amherst looked ill, and Madison poured her some more wine to try and revive her. Why is Ava such a snide little thing? Doesn’t she have feelings for anyone but herself? I feel as though there’s a deep secret being kept around here, and no one will tell me anything. Mrs. Amherst spends hours circling the old well, talking to herself and crying until Madison finally goes out and coaxes her back in. The doctor has prescribed her some pretty heavy duty sedatives, so she spends a lot of time napping on the couch. It’s as if she’s in mourning, but mourning for whom? Captain Amherst? He’s hardly worth it. I hope this sleep walking stops. It makes me feel crazed!
Love, Emily
