Memento Mori

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Other than painting and drawing, another activity I was obsessed with was social media.

I was constantly staring at my phone. I was living in my head rather than living my pathetic life.

It was like laser beams.

I was a social slut in the digital world.

I would crudely troll social networks. I would join absurd groups. I was a clique crasher. It was an addiction.
The fun ones to infiltrate were the sex addicts.
Maybe it was arousal.
I'd make all of the perverts with cold feet feel uncomfortable.

I'd crash them all.

amateurgirls. Population 9,563.
facialfantasies. Population 17,424.
fistfuckhamwallets. Population 328.
collegebeauties. Population 20,612.
goldenshowers. Population 8 ,821.
lookin43somes. Population 2,711.
rainbowrods. Population 183.

When I first posted crude comments in the rainbowrods group, I believed that it was a safe haven for homosexuals. That was nowhere near its purpose. rainbowrods was a rendezvous for blowjob obsessed junkies. The room's name is an apparent sex game. Females use a range of assorted lipstick colors to make intensely hued rings along the length of a man's penis.
I was spellbound.
This is how I met S3xy_S0utherN3R and Cheryl_N_cherriesPLZ.

Honestly, two of the closest friends that I've ever had.

S3xy_S0utherN3R is a gas station clerk in some lifeless, boring boondocks stretch based in Texas. He's your typical redneck. A dim-witted, defective white male with an IQ comparable to a deaf wild turkeys' intelligence. Isolated in his little world, uneducated, and lives in Section 8 housing. S3xy_S0utherN3R oozes American juices and carries a confederate flag. His nuts are pint-sized shrimp when it comes to face-to-face female interaction. The only way he'll ever get a bigger set of balls, is to either pray for a retiform Sertoli tumor or consume mass amounts of aged corn whisky. He came right out and said, "not everything is big in Texas".

Cheryl_N_cherriesPLZ is a net event nympho. She invades NSFW groups with a beautified self-image to prey on pervy weirdos. She describes herself as a slim and exquisitely tall blonde with curves as round as the number eight.
Measurements of 34-23-36, and tits that perk upward toward the Heavens. In my personal conversations with her, she described herself as a mound of chocolate pudding mixed with a whole lot of lady-to-love. She's addicted to Georgia peach pie and shy, boney white beaus. To S3xy_S0utherN3R, she's a goddess. To him, she's the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe. To me, she's a lonely, sassy sweetheart glued to menthol cigarettes and a state known for its peaches. A socially rejected, bedridden woman with a laptop sunk into her thighs.
The three of us became a cringe-worthy form of John Hughes' characters. Like shameful versions of Ferris, Cameron, and Sloane.
S3xy_S0utherN3R's internet persona is smug and charismatic. He's charming to the adventurous Cheryl_N_cherriesPLZ. She knows the relationship isn't going to go anywhere, but she enjoys it and always will have exciting memories. Then there's me. The pessimistic, gloomy fuck.
We were the wackadoo three of rainbowrods.
We would discuss all things.
Everything from grace and elegance to the septic shithole bottom. We talked about atrocious dislikes and stupefying satisfactions. We told mindless jokes and gave deep-thought opinions. Thoughts about life and death. Thoughts about life after death. The life glitch. The life fucker. The life force. Life goes on. rainbowrods became our own discreet little remedial group. A therapeutic crutch that only the three of us were fascinated with. The group's population diminished to only four.

An individual sleeping, on average, swallows eight spiders in their lifetime. Did you know that? Neither did I, not until Cheryl_N_cherriesPLZ informed me. The Queen of useless gospel. Behind all of her raunchy desires, she was really a thought-provoking person. Back in the day, women were accused of being witches for silly reasons like slamming a church door, lifting something heavy, or simply because someone didn't like them.
She told me these things too.
This is what rainbowrods had become. A non-material coping community. I wasn't miserable anymore. I had voices that provided a sympathetic understanding for me. The group was carefree and satisfying until MementO_m0ri came along.


She would troll our safe place. She wouldn't move a finger to type a single word. She was a fucking wordless suckhole.
She made S3xy_S0utherN3R extremely nervous. He convinced himself that she was a member of some left-wing terrorist group that was responsible for the 1981 bombing of Ramstein Air Base. She got to his head and it got uncomfortable for the hayseeded hillbilly.
S3xy_S0utherN3R quit the group. Soon after, Cheryl_N_cherriesPLZ vanished. Rainbow rods just wasn't the same without her dimwit-southern adoration.

Population declined to two.

I continued to log in, and sure enough, MementO_m0ri continued to rudely intrude. She was still speechless and uncommunicative. It got to the point where I wouldn't even type, and it would be a do-nothing, inactive function for hours.
rainbowrods was ruined. It was finished.

I needed a new clique to crash. An unseasoned, untouched utopia. This time, I stayed away from NSFW groups. I trespassed in popular communities.

todayilearned Population 23,031.
mildlyinteresting. Population 18,422.
coololdschool . Population. 17,337.
animalsbeingboss. Population 30,112.
satisfyingmemes. Population 22,287.
illnessanddisorder. Population 19,097.

illnessanddisorder was a comfort and advice group for people who struggle with disease and sickness. I had a rare medical condition. I shoved a cream-colored pill down my throat everyday. I fit right in.
People that experience disease affecting the body and mind are the most humble, honest people. Except for me, of course. One of the members, SKAIobviously, had bipolar depression and always spoke about death. Three things she wanted to do before she died was swim with a dolphin, travel to Cape Town South Africa, and fall deeply in love.
I actually felt bad for her.
Another user, KatKatKat, had a sister who suffered from schizophrenia. She feared for her because she was recently hospitalized because of self-harm.
"I'm praying for you and your family."
"Let me know if I can help you in any way."
"Let me know if you want to talk."
"My thoughts are with you and your family."

The standard dialogue to say to someone if a family member is seriously ill.

KatKatKat explained how her sister mutilated her genitals because she was having rape hallucinations.

Quite often, the group was very… morbid.

Pumpk1n13 had Trichotillomania, an uncontrollable urge to rip out his hair. Yep, he was bald.
sleepy_Willow had Agoraphobia. She hadn't left her house in twenty years.
big_C_bruisy had terminal cancer and had recently lost her husband to cardiomyopathy.

The conversations became so somber, I considered leaving the group. I even considered giving up social media completely.

I wish I had.

MementO_m0ri had a rare form of xeroderma pigmentosum.

I know exactly what you're thinking.

MementO_m0ri? What the fuck was she doing in illnessanddisorder?
Trust me, I was asking myself the same question.
I was angry and confused.
I was spaced out. A space cadet. Adrift in intercosmic emptiness, mentally disoriented. I hated her. She destroyed rainbowrods.

It gets worse.

She actually participated in the discussions. She was no longer a wordless wacko.

Xeroderma pigmentosum is an extreme sensitivity to sunlight. If she were to go out in daylight, she would have to wear protective clothing and a face shield because she had genes that prevented her body from repairing damage from UV light. Her case was so severe, contact with direct sunlight could immediately cause her skin to dry out and burn up.

SKAIobviously felt sorry for her.
KatKatKat felt sorry for her.
Pumpk1n13 felt sorry for her.
sleepy_Willow and big_C_bruisy both felt sorry for her. Everyone did.

Except me. I didn't buy it.

I felt like the only reason she was in illnessanddisorder was to irritate and instigate me.
I told her that. I told everyone that.

I told MementO_m0ri she was a fraud. An imposter. A petty cunt!

That last one made a lot of group members unhappy.

"What's your illness?" big_C_bruisy asked me.

Chesterhinde's disease. It's very rare. Only one other person in history has had it, Mr. Chester Hinde.

"That sounds fake to me," KatKatKat typed. "What is it?"

I honestly didn't know. All I did know was if I didn't take the cream-colored pill, my skin would swell and bruise. It would turn red and get very tender. It was excruciatingly painful. I would get nauseous. Uncontrollably vomit and have painful diarrhea. The pain was so unbearable, it once put me in to shock.

My parents, especially mom, were over protective. They never told me what the actual disease was. They were afraid it would frighten me to death. The way they approached it, I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to know.

"I don't believe you," SKAIobviously typed.
"Liar," KatKatKat added.
"BULLSHIT!" Pumpk1n13 yelled.

Apparently, sleepy_Willow was a room moderator, and she pointed me to the illnessanddisorder group rules;
No spamming
Personal experience only
No emergencies
Harmful or mocking users not allowed
Surveys, advertising and self promotion not allowed

She said I was breaking rules 2 and 4.

But I wasn't.

sleepy_Willow was able to give the boot to participants if she found them to be disrespectful. In that little, virtual community, sleepy_Willow was god.

She banned me from the group.
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