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Chapter 10

Why does it always happen to me to me it is okay for everyone else to not to suffer for me it is the usefulness of being and hurting. Every time I hurt there is nothing there no law to protect me there is a protect law for the whites there is a protect law for the groups but not for the likes of a solitary person? I am supposed to play ball with whom? It is a imposition why should I be a group shag why should I not have respect and dignity? That we live in a world of the groupie is now obvious if one is not like them one does not have that if one is unlike anyone then one can't get into that. Jobs and stuff parties and of course the church of wisdom and the things which mean something the whole thing is very fraught why is it fraught because there is nothing now no life for the individual there is this sneer why would anyone welcome a person without the attitude to pose to be naked to have a friend indoors asking masking and doing what they should be doing? You are normal we are a nation of unique who do nothing but pent up throw out spit out people who do not join in.

Come let us pray together not alone but together as if the words are etched in the minds of little children. No use sitting in a corner Jack come and play with your friends. And if someone tries to rape you then the child is at fault did not join in that is why it had become infected by the evil. Even the angels are with their little friends.

Come on Jack eventually he went to fetch a bucket of water with a pail and then Jill and he came tumbling together we all in the knowledge that Jack and Jill did more than fetch water. Because they tumble and how did they get down that hill they were doing what? The bucket must have been very heavy.

"Indeed?" said the sober teacher. It is treachery. She had a grey suit on as she had a tight stern expression. I thought the suit was very expensive kept on looking at it. She had a tall figure very full at the top and very narrow at the bottom slightly unattractive. I thought because she was tall had to bend down and her figure did not flow well together because she was almost crouching to speak to the inferior class. No brains she seemed to be saying the basics at ten?

"What nonsense comes through their heads these pathetic children from the lower classes." She seemed to sense me and did stop I went to giggle but did not. There is a serious question inside me why do they teach when they hate it?

"We have bills to pay mortgages and food to buy."

That explained it.

That this child evil to the core sits in her corner and speaks the words of the devil. It is devil talk and we must spurn and make her the example. I am sat in this corner talking no devil talk Miss.

When the sweet child that child over there with the high connections and all that made herself the envy of the world what a marvel she is. The stuff of what we dread comes over and the teacher ovulates. Well it is only poor Jane and I want to smash her head against the wall like I did the friend's. I am becoming violent because no one speaks to me I feared everything and when the friend said something that everyone had sex including parents that made me mad. I nearly killed her parents do not have sex. I was so poor in knowledge.

"But it is true." She said in a manner so beseeching. I did not deny that might be why the noise is coming through to my bedroom and that made sense. I did everything possible let her go and she ran off. The poor fool that I am did not know that it was primary knowledge comes easily to English people and we are still in denial about all that.

The girl child ran crying and relieved she alive I was so sorry for me because lost a friend. I would have asked if she okay but never saw her again. I lost a friend in her she was going to be my enemy for life. That she did not like the foreigners after that that she developed an aversion to them. Except to black women she has many black wives. Why because she has many money and dolls it out to those she loves. She can coin one in mint if one wants it. I am so pleased for her and her wives.

We know things without acknowledging it ? How does one describe a culture such as ours? Turkish living in the English climate where the only thing that matters is we must believe in something we are throw away cast aside and made to live life as somethings half beasts and half man. Turkish men go to cafes to get laid and with other men we see them in there covertly looking on and on as if blessed with the friend they have. Some women are made that way. We behave like we do they say because it is sweet. But for others this is not them. For some it is never going to be them.

Why I am saying speaking this thing about a woman a girl who had been in the same school with me in primary secondary and everything? Because she is my stalker she has followed me round and round the bend and she is bent. She does not give in and does not care whom she uses. She uses the system she says she is boss and she has to get what she has to get she has the right of everything to stop my money to stop me getting money to stop me from following my dreams and talents as she is so powerful she can do what she likes to do stop everything until she gets what she wants. I do not behave or believe in her manner of life. She can be a bore when she speaks I do as I am what I am.

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