Where did he go leave and left me? When reasonable causes I hurt him said words to him made funny faces at him. Said it was never going to be okay and he left me. He shut that door opened a new leaf and said he was never going to be taken for such a ride. It was like a buffalo or something. I asked him innocently why and he said he always fell down and he was tired of it. His late nights were catching on him. He had been screwing this girl who never left his side. Sexy and good and all that he asked for. I knew he did not know that I knew so I became in his eye the buffalo and that meant me having the screaming fits all the time.
Married her in front of everyone in church where he lay and lay again. I will never be able to be whole again because he is somebody else's as well. He has given me up for the good life for the tarts and clubs and the sexy undies and all that? Her cleavage is good adds to her crimson lipstick and her blond hair is a modification on the pet poodle. There is nothing more to add.
I begged him let us stay platonic he said he was a grown up did not need nursery rhymes or something and I could never understand what he meant. He is gone before I know it he has fled the scene of some crime and that is when they are going to murder me. He has left me to die. I do not understand why he does not feel my fear.
There is nothing but that in my eyes and I did know it was true because a few years down the line daddy tries to kill me. He tries to strangle me with his bare hands. I had said because he was looking at me all the time. He spent the better part of the morning doing that.
But that moment at that moment he had gone left me I felt elevated composed even. I did nothing wrong my conscience was clear. I was in the clear he would never come again he would not leave any money? He did not leave anything. I have to work scrub floors and do the kitchen work?
We were not married so it meant that. I had to scrub floors and do the work. I did say I want some money for doing that.
"But this place is yours."
"I still want money," I said.
They were put out because a hundred quid would go towards me. They just smiled when I said I could apply for other jobs.
"Come that is nothing we will never grudge you that." Pittance no one else could be hired.
I had no idea how hard life would be without him back than. He had not been anything but a rock which held the river which now burst. The river bank of work and more of it until madness set in.
I was doing the work of three people and without much good luck at that. The cafe at first thrived and then he came in and settled it. He asked for sex and sexy gear and all that. Said nothing put the plate in front of him and went and sat in the kitchen. There was no heat just that a plate in front of him and so dad went and said some words to step dad and he and he got it into their heads to teach me a lesson.
"Meal times meaningless without a woman."
"They want you to wear see through clothes and a bra and a bar must be open soon so we can make the merriment complete. Complimentary drinks on the house."
All the men were looking forward to it. They did not care to wait and when the shop was refused a licence that is when it got worse. Their disappointment meant they thought it had something to do with me.
They blame everything on me. If the cat had a difficult litter they blamed it on me except the cat was supposed to be a he. Then it turned the things when I notice that dad made everyone female he himself was the only male allowed in there. He said most of the world should be female because he disliked the art of sharing. Both his illegitimate sons were conned by him one lost his mind because of dad and the other he raped. He thought he was me. Easy mistake to make dad was always a man who could not control his lusts. Damn lie where is now this little boy he has grown into a man now he is the one playing with his toy cars and doing the balloons after he got raped. It is in the Northern part of London and he is now safe but sad.
I see his cars as they have aged and weathered and made nonsense of why he was done. Because he had become a mask of himself a little boy who had got raped because he was a fool? No just a little boy who had done no harm. They made him a monster now. He is sham itself.
So when he fled to play with his playmate all the gang who had a grievance came to pay their respects to me in particular. Because they have a tradition of doing that sort of thing. An eye for an eye and they looked very accomplished in what they were going to have.
You see it is awful him being my half brother when all I did was be rude to him. I thought he was mostly unkind and bragged all the time so I did not send him that note I showed him the note because could not read the whole thing was obscure but interesting the lettering was pure. I did nothing wrong. His now saying that it was because his childhood fled and he is no longer a male. Well if I had been raped I would have become a whore.
The upshot is he was not a nice boy so he deserved being raped for his difficult behaviour he was not listening kind he was rude and he never would leave well alone.
So Effy got raped instead of me. I used to call him that he was into everything then he settled on a four year old B.
He got raped instead of me because he could read the note which someone sent me. He thought he would try the sex act and then when he did at precisely midnight he got done. I was about nine years old. He was about that age or was it something done for? I slept after the scream. I told him not to go and he did his fault. The thing is or was a warning is as good as being told not to do stuff because daddy is a madman. He chases his wily and he does not care if it is children or not.
I start to cry out loud he has left me he has gone. Parents are beside themselves with joy. They never liked him and sat it out because he was important and rich. Now they could take the crumbs.
I tried to get away I tried to do the right things but when right and wrong is not the same for the different people? What does it matter who puts it in said mother. But it does to me some might not even notice it.