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Chapter 18

In a ship one can let oneself go and she did except most of the passengers were into thrilling times and they were headed to the same destination. She did not mind she was never going to be anything but herself.

More champagne girls and call in the girls and make them smile. There is happiness and brightness she has her lipstick on and her dress and she has worn trousers. When she does her brother smacks her real hard. For embarrassing her. Because she has to wear a skirt. But t

"Drinks are on them."

She did a lot of couples therapy she said to me once.

She formed a trio with this couple and they went everywhere together until the wife suspected her of having more fun and games with her husband. How dried up she was Zeks remembered until I gave her life and insights into who she was. The wife had no knowledge she into woman? None she was the one to awake her. Zeks was so amused and comforted her that she let it slip.

Zeks was getting a name on the ship and the captain nearly had her somewhere in the cockpit but she survived there was days when she lounged on there hanging onto dear life. Days when she had the means to misbehave she did not mind she was easy as hell. She made a lot of friends because she had nice manners looked like a girl and did things so much better when she set her mind to it.

In the sixties there was hell risers and there was these dumb woman who had to be told who and what they were. Members were hells angels and there was this club her brother was a hell riser and a hells angels and he wore leather and had a bike and they got round and round. She would do the same when she went back to Cyprus she would be like everyone else and make stirring speeches and make them all sit up and see what it is like to have the same tits as them stars. In Britain they misunderstood her she was a loser in Britain this ship was a good space to try her wings. There was no real freedom for us. We were poor ethnic and the minority. But by God that was the beginning of the end for her because for some strange reason she thought she knew someone was watching her. She became only uneasy at the last day of the windswept romance with the couple when the man said something and the couple fled left.

"But why?"

"I am a married man." Said the jerk, "You are a imposter." He added.

"You knew who I am."

He winked. Zeks knew it was at the usual time and place and he would explain it all to her. When he and she met there was a good shagging and she did fall like mad and they had it out.

"I can't see you again my boss forbids me might fire me."

"Now you tell me."

"Why what is wrong with that?" He is a man who knows his mind. He is almost tender in his dealings with her. He pushes notes into her hand and she grabs these as if they the handful would heal the wounds and the whole atmosphere is thawed made mellow by the stirring words she has to share with him because in films these are the words that are meaningful.

"Not very romantic not even respectful. " She cries.

"Like some beastly whore in the toilet being told that."

"It is everything that it is. I have to be leaving because the wife might need attention too."

Zeks grins happily at that. She was being taught how to knit by the woman it involved a lot of handling and dropping of stitches and near contact. Breast control and all that sorrowful talk. Zeks loved that.

The woman was alas pregnant she found out and the husband and she so happy. She was a ugly wife she had a long face and had the mean streak which wives had in them days. She was full of charm for the women because she had the same wall paper as the highest in the land. There where did he get that wall paper is one of the questions which he never did return. She showed her snapshots of the home she had with her husband and how it would be after their baby was born. She was so proud of the whole deed as if she had someone something of her own.

That the wall paper was eighty pounds a piece of roll meant they had to be careful who they let inside their house. So they had a screen when they did have someone around like a gas man or electrician but when friends came round for tea they placed the wall covering on show. It must have been hilarious for the friends. I thought.

"Fell off the back of the lorry." She was charmed her husband knew how to feed her.

Zeks efforts were not rewarded after that.

Women are always trapped. She sad and alone did not mind she was so used to being alone. She would soldier on and on why else would she have this to contain with? Her father was a beacon of light for her he was her lover he was her flame she did not care anymore what everyone said. She would become the new woman of the house and where would Gold go? She could go and live with auntie. She would visit them as a woman of the world.

The marriage she saw was stronger than her brew and she blew her top like nothing on this earth why me? She thought why God I in this tormented soul ?

The woman was mad she was not into that man why she ask her that type of questions for? Well the thing was she had slept with the man but it did not mean anything as the wife was reassured she spent the better part shopping on what he gave her.

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