Mother kept on repeating do you think that they will now leave you alone. Do you think you are in the clear do you think that? She would sigh and say hah. I did not believe her now I am almost done with this story it has gone too far there is almost too much detail you know me as if I am an irrational irritating aunt. I do not mind that. I mean an aunt one cannot do without because family?
I will make some time for the people I love him. He sat in the corner feeling being and somehow his cancer not the only thing eating at him. I want him to know he is forgotten no more that he is the only important man in my life. He is so insecure.
Dad too has arrived he wants to see what it is about what he has missed why he cannot take what he liked. He is almost gone as a human he has lost out on so many things. His drug addiction has made him sub human. I do not understand why his addiction is so infectious.
Your job is to look after us all.
Your job as a woman is to do just that.
I am going with the rolling pin and to open the door which says -do not entertain that idea. Yes I might end up somewhere unpleasant.
My beastly sunny tempered man now sat in a corner like a man condemned and me sat here writing this stuff. Goddammit why did father not stay with his own? Why is life the side line which speaks to the likes of dad? He has no more words to spark the light which is when we have dined and dine as we sparkle.
I am set alight by all this?
I sparkle like diamonds.
I with a mind was told I would never make it. Then when we had the domestic suddenly someone said I should begin to teach. I said no way. I have been twice in the hospital and seen stuff no teacher should. I weep now for the things which came too late. That everyone is so sarcastic being and behaving like bitches and bastards. Nastiness of course what else can a victim say but speak the words which describe people?
They did say my descriptive powers were not right. That I did not give enough detail. Well here is it? Well it is becoming it the whole story the stores and stores of detail.
We did nothing while they took?
"I did phone the over worked police. They told me they totally busy."
I brought them to the facts they do not appear to be into all that. There is too much confusion not much more could be told? The gang is so bloody brilliant they breed like rabbits and have wives and husbands which one does not know the heritage of the genetic make up of. I do not matter because my mum was a woman who did not rise me up. Someone else did. But when it became the norm to do just that throughout the mafia I lost it?
The new Zeks children had been brought up without much ado with the marriage which she did want with my cousin. Kess is her name she is such a woman. She had cancer before Zeks died Zeks gave such a lot of money to her. She just spent and spent as if the long term sufferer her daughter her child. Why she jealous? Well she is supposed to be my mum. Well she is not she is Kess's mum.
Zeks is your partner. That is my partner why is mum my partner they all laugh out loud. Zeks is obviously not adverse to this joke.
When it did not mean anything but that? Well did you wash her back did you dot the lines and make her walk safely across the road. Mother looks very dignified as she does not seem to understand.
The extensive jokers send it up some more. kess comes to see what they are laughing at. She has a thing she has somebody but she does nothing but she fearful. He broke her arm for some reason.
"Kess she broke her arm trying to close the door."
"Well did he?"
"Of course not my son is not violent."
I felt slightly touched by the stuff of their drama. I did not know what to say.
They look satisfied and we are told not told we feel we have to leave. Why she broke her arm? She broke her arm mother seemed a bit upset. She walked faster as if she in something of a hurry.
The loathing I feel for them gives me fortitude. I mean to haggle with this part of it. I am not in a relationship with mum. Anyway she has died. So it is the end of that. But the thing is things happened things which we do not deserve and people have this and that idea which says it all. I made the beds and then what does it happen? Some people come back with rage as if I stole their lives. Look there is no getting away from them.
Spent it time spent it trying to decipher why all this had happened nowhere does it say in the rule book that people tell the truth to children. One has to grab facts as they come. I was always this perpetual child whom does nothing but not. I was so naive when I was young. I had no idea had nothing to do but prick my ears. My sisters did and look they have now the safety of their men.
The only people who used to be busy are not the doctors but the good listeners. So as they lost the art of listening it is no longer safe for the likes of me.
How much money do I get I lost the count of how much I have lost.
Why did it happen what an unkind thing. Life is such a cruel thing. A beast which has the horns and can crackle with the pain. We in the lost grip know what that means.
Say nothing do nothing culture now we are over run with the mafia. See no evil fear no evil and we have all become devils.
Somehow I feel lost there is a lost feeling inside of me. The things that I have given up the fool I have become the jerkiness of this style it does nothing for them? They say and sigh.