The thoughts came and passed whoever thought me a victim. Was I somehow this neglected wretched beast whom everyone wanted? The spite went into me they needled me. I was a pin somewhere and ready to explode. Days went when I just said not much but you do not know what you are doing. You can't know otherwise you will not be doing it.
I said it over and over and it made irrational nonsense of my day my life and everything because everyone said they knew what they were doing.. I deserved every bit of it.
That a crime was being committed someone said as we closed down through the chaos of emotional bankruptcy she has been abused a victim of abuse shut the shop shut her in. Then shut it herself as if barricading us all in.
In our worst nightmares I had not seen such a thing.
To thank the stars above we get along the Turkish society and me. I do not want to say anything against them but they must have known about the abuse. They told someone as she staggered on mother a bad woman should be horsewhipped but we stayed on and on.
You see it does not affect us and they give us free food when we witness their plight. Almost free and the wife is still a good looking girl.
We almost said that out loud. Why is dad without friends then we began to be isolated too? Until there was no one talking feeling as if we in a bird cage and the birds inside were beautiful ably watched by the whole of them.
Look when someone is suffering the others go to their help without asking for anything is it not right?
No we asked her to marry us and she refused she now nothing to do with us. She can look after herself.
Society says it all?
Heels the lot of them.
We behaved well by you did the best thing in the world why are you complaining all the time?
"She is a rotten child a heartless beast."
"Why do you say that why do that when I am good all the time."
"When auntie grand said do to evil good she meant me."
Egged on by them I went to bed did not get up until three years later. Lost everything I valued no one waits for the sulks to end. How to wind the clock and make your own child a lost cause. Now waiting outside the door and the dormitory of time there is a lost causes waiting. The losers to come from the outside and play as well?
"Loner you will die alone."
"You are now inside and all the winners are here too. We now see what a loser looks like."
The losers with their fists try coming in but there is nothing but winners in.
"I am not."
Mother took charge of the situation that is the new one. She said a word to the wise do not say anything they must see that you a proper lady.
I thought that was so good and proper felt that it might have left me outside and did the proper thing did not speak about it ever again.
"Such a child her manners have come back now we can discuss things in the cafe it is a place of refugee and sanity."
"So much to discuss as well."
"Where is the nice man your dad?"
"He is out shopping."
"Ouch he is spending than?"
"I can't remember."
"Go on we must wait until we see what he has got."
They waste an entire afternoon on seeking to know the truth. Dad comes back loaded with the bags and stuff he is upset the two men are still waiting. He drops the bags when he sees them. He says did you have tea or everything okay? I have never seen him so agitated.
Dad was always going shopping it was his only vice. Mother hated shopping she rather save her money and give it to Kess who was always in need. What a bore it all is when life is unsettled and the foolish are always robbed.
There is a crush on something they ask something and next to no time dad has tomato sauce on his head. Mother goes with a broom and handles the situation she shoos the men away. Out of this cafe you vermin. Mother from that day had won the cafe as if the cafe now belonged to her. We were the losers without a contract when mum was in the cafe all the customers came too.
"What did the men say?"
"They left of course I could have screamed blue murder and called the police. They would have got years."
I turned pink with pride mother had done well and I told her so. I was most impressed the whole thing played over and over on my mind.
"Why it is done for me I am no longer required."
"As mother had taken over the guardian ship of the cafe and had done well she would never pay for someone else to do such work also."
They kept the momentum up they asked for nothing but to make you work and being simple I did.
I used to be a bouncer got rid of the drunks from the cafe. Dad was a liability as he had a fright and did not want to end in some fight. Because if he was found to own something even a fist he would be done for. So he took it lamely. I was not asking for it but used my tongue and horsewhipped them out of the cafe. Not literally just spoke them out.
I had gone out that day college and did not come back until late. She said the holy place had nearly sunk. I said not much ate my dinner and thought what the heck I want more to be a writer than a dish washer.
The thing was everyone wanted a new face on the cafe and the new face was going to be Z. I disliked the thought of a new mum being in there with the over active lower classes. Did not think the children would benefit. There was such a row between us and that continued for a number of years until the cafe is now joined at the hips as the family place.
But mother was asking a lot from the cafe she just did not know how hard we all worked. Then one day she had enough and said no more she had done nearly 400 pounds in takings a work worthy of any cook. She was sweaty had not had enough to drink and then she began to say close the doors of the cafe I have no more to give.