When we are at a food chain all the time waiting to be fed. Not done fed. We love being these people waiting just waiting and sometimes not waiting as that is now our life. When I was waiting for him because he was happily married to someone else. I wasted myself waiting for that man and that woman to stop fornicating long enough to feel.
Now secrets revealed secrets which I harboured like gold to make this work. I am no longer that girl. I am no longer anything but a annoyance: to the world and that woman has no longer the pleasures she had. She who had been taking what is mine and saying she wants more. Of course she wants more what else can she need?
He wants to know he gives a another necklace another thing and she throws it into her drawer. A little thing which she has to keep. When before she had to wear it because it was her most treasured thing and they would make love with that naked and he would try the many positions that he and she capable of. Her extensive collection. They have been married since the eighties and that makes them so in love.
Once their child who can't feel had been that made him so happy. Not they can see how the child is fornicating had the best advice from them and the best example. That is the right way. I cannot feel daddy says the child. He is so gobsmacked what does she mean why what has happened to the child who could feel everything? Well he was most upset.
He says to me absentminded of course do what you like and when I do it is wrong. Because everything I do is wrong because his wife knew what was what. She was what is known as a character who was thoughtless true but knew how to run things.
"Business partners. "
"Of course so in love."
"Why what did I have?"
"I was a pending deal all the time."
"When he does that?"
"Give him a black eye."
Married man sad and dull and have to go and mate with their wives at eleven o'clock. When one is in agony they think I will deal with it later. Because they have to go and meet their erring wives who turn out glossy and well and able to take care of themselves. When he is driven by lusts and love for his family. Well it says it all does not it when he does not eventually care enough to see that you need a cab home and when someone else comes to pick you up he is distraught, after you narrowly get killed.
To lose touch with reality to such an extent that it makes you the envied no longer but the clown the fool. His wife able to make him the standing joke. Because there is always something on his mind and another mistake another mistress which has blown literally blown him away.
The thing was they wanted me too. I just do not realise now how simple it would have been to take care of both of them instead of them taking care of me. I think if he had got what he wanted I could have sent him cascading over the edge. Well sexual partners so many and you being mean with the goods I thought of course that was it. I had behaved well and got nothing. Virtue not rewarded.
Pay for what you get and then take what you want and pay for it. The price of sin is such there is nothing else on my mind. The price of sin is death. That is what my dad had told me as a little girl because he said when you mate with someone else other than a member of the clan than you die. Because of secrets we have because of secrets we do not share. That made me think of things I could have done to make the secrets known. I did want to find out the first thing was to know if it was true.
You see when did I sense that everything was not right at home? I thought not when but how? The guards as my parents were known because they would not leave me alone did not let me out and that made me a virtual prisoner because we worked in that cafe for hours and then I was always hemmed in as if not allowed nothing was allowed.
What had made me this woman who was unable to leave the house? The doctor thought it was some kind of claustrophobia. I thought about the thing it was nothing to do with me genetically. He and she did not want me to leave the house they kept on making demands excuses and such.
"Classic case. We shall monitor it."
"If it gets worse we will try therapy."
"In former days GPs had eyes and ears now they have books which tell them more about their patients. Look up the symptoms and you will find the drug the cure and put the patient for life on such things,. Simple work ?"
I am only asking is this safe? What if your first impression was not right in the first place?
Not my business to criticise the established thought.
"It is the first impressions which tell you what is what."
"The second you look it is all lies."
"People cover up."
"But I found the exact opposite."
"But it is how business works."
"We do not do business here we are people."