A dirt cheap husband whom I had to have because being married means everything in some countries and to behave like a married woman whom no one can interfere with is the key to success. My success is that. I am a woman who can fly without seeming to do so. I can't have my business being spied on because of not being married.
In this world nobody knows anyone else's business we know who we are because it is o
I might be arrested so having this coxcomb for a husband has made me have shelter which I made him a coffin for.
He turns out to be a gay man too. So what it is awkward I do not realise it at first being no expert but he hides it unlike me. I was open hearted did not reason properly. Had affairs mostly with wives of men and this was a good profitable undertaking for us all. I fed my family with the tokens which they gave. I a minor prostitute you insane I am the daughter of Suleiman and no one else can say such spiteful words to me but the man who he is. He called me a princess nothing less.
As a daughter I was most fortunate as a wife I was never so. I hate my husband so much because he is a fool a folly some creep. A crawling monster whom does not bed. He goes out at night kerb crawling for men and boys. I am here in bed with the assistant whose life depends on satisfying me. I am howling in madness I dislike him more than the man I am married to but fear to speak.
I have a lover who is a man? Well where is the choice in life. I want him to kick the man out so I am using my sex in order for him to do the deal. I am waiting.
A husband who is always away and then what then? He comes in and says the worst and then again leaves. My husband lover the apple of my eye married to her sister Fire and that makes me a woman unwed? I am so bitter gave someone young and took someone older senile and now broke because he has given everything to have boys.
I am charged with energy because somewhere there is a confusion in my identity. They call it personality disorder.
I am in such a dream I am too good to be true. It is always good to be nice to people but they dream and walk as if in a dream. Look at that girl again coming and fetching and carrying when her dad is a important man. I am talking to her but she does not hear me. Why because she said she not a lesbian. What is wrong with her?
Her mum would give her anything to have a kind word from her. But she called her mother a whore from my suggestion and the mother fled crying because it is true. Did not step down the stairs and the mother heard her going up and down and then she said I understand it is the jam. I understand because of the jam? What do these people mean? What is the jam and then the mother made a mess of the tea and then said I will never bother you people again.
What had happened that does not make sense to me the thing was the girl said nothing the mother said nothing. I wanted to know so every year when she pushed over the marriage age I would go to the house and stare at them as if they strangers did not ask for the right things. How dare they leave me in suspense why did they bother not talking why did the mother not ask the question.
I went to the holidays and there it is nothing not a sausage and my curiosity got the best of me because the mother suffering. The daughter is suffocating and she sees but does nothing. I know the daughter is suffocating because I make her suffer and then the mother speaks.
"I did not get the beans done on time."
"Why it doesn't matter." We stutter. The beans what beans she has nothing on the plate but peas. Why is everyone going mad. Why do they not speak about the important stuff what important stuff look I left you with a psychopath and a evil woman add to that no money why you whore mean to kick you to kingdom come?
But there is nothing but talk of beans and such stuff ordinary and as if I tremble I see somehow things going right for me I am in the front seat I can see it all. They have a moment when the mother tries to speak she tries. I smile and say we have to be going leaving. I am a bit tired.
I am over joyed at this it is the best torture for them. Then when they want to stay she suggests stay over night there is room. We have a hotel paid for there is a good shower there is all the facilities I say and the daughter nods and she is almost sadder than the mother. I see it now the awkwardness of time.
We wait for the driver to come and he does and he is on time as if the bells of cruelty are the most devious and right. I am going to make them both die and they foolish and that makes me the right sort of woman for this world, I am worthy because my children are safe and these creatures are not.
I pretend to fall and then walk away quite easily. There is somehow this is not losing time it is gaining and it is making me the envy of the clan. I have perfected a method of gaining means and money and that makes me the greed satisfied. I think she is making me nervy as she seems sometimes sense what it is I am doing.
She gets on my nerves look if you do not know who your mother is then you are entitled to be robbed.
That is what it is she is sadder than at other times and hope it will be over soon my job is not done until she is dead. I am almost satisfied that she will never be wed. I mean who would want such a woman with no hair? No head as well ha it is such a giggle.
She sees me for what I must be a cripple and I see her as she is a stupid woman whose husband has left her whose lover has fled she is alone she might as well have me.
Again she says nothing there is no recognition in her eyes that I have spoken and I leave it at that. We have the most horrid afternoon at the hotel and I wish we had stayed with the mother. She seems to be moping doing the books doing nothing to be amusing or entertaining.
She seems to be searching for a future there appears to be nothing in the front then she gets on that damn computer one of her bloody books inside that damn computer I can scream.
She has no conversation she is dull she makes a holiday feel dull. She will not do the whiskey and the soda and the games we play on them excursions. I dislike her intensely. That she is a bore is boring me to tears and does not even understand what I am. This is I hinting speaking saying.
Is it not clear what I want from her? Look now I ma a merry widow unable to be a widow. It is what widows are it is what we must have as a reward for our lot in life. Why waste time why waste it on the fools who do nothing but want? I am a woman who has given a lot to the world.
This is the worst holiday and what nags her she is non committal as if the whole thing. I am going to give the land to the people who served me. I am paying off a debt for the happiness which they did for me. I put on the show the front is not her own. I have my friends over to compare notes on other states of crime. We sit it out and they ask we share the laughs and she is over whelmed that she is alone. Why not join us. She does and we give her silence and she leaves soon to get me something to drink. She is a biddable servant.