I cannot help myself that the frustrations in life made me batter my man. I can't heal myself as I knocked him about kicked his shin and made him the unenviable fool I tried not to cry. That stuff happened in this world which was the worst thing in this central England that what made me so bitter is that I would yell and he would take off as if I was a fish wife without a trawl.
He would pretend I was a ship with the horn honking without any teeth or claw? Yes he would say I did not stop and put a anchor and he would just have to go. I tried not to yell. My dad would kill me rape me he would make my life a misery I would end in a brothel. He did not stop to hear he said it would never happen. He knew my dad and he would have not even a power to hurt a fly. But dear I would try to say you do not know my dad.
He knew everything about the situation and he did not know enough to feed the situation. Look I am being followed. His wife said paranoid. She knew more than me. So there is some resentment between me and her. She has the fuller figure she laughs her figure is dumpy and kind of sad. I am perfection she laughs.
I am the figure of fun and the ray of sunshine leaves me. That kind of smile which everyone thought was nice and wholesome disappointed leaves.
So there it was I became a wretched woman whom no one heard when I got knifed the thing was a total shock to his system. Why had someone tried to knife me? I could not say speak or do anything I had my family to protect. The children would I see them again no. So I said nothing they were babies than so I said nothing in order to see the children grow up. Not my children my families.
I had been waiting for them for years knew they would arrive and just like in the fairy tale I would have to rescue them from harm. I did not know I did not see whom needed me to rescue them from drowning but the thing was they came all three of them. The unkindness of being this woman without children unable to adopt but kind of being partially to have the keeping the upbringing and say in them. I just said okay when the time came.
I said nothing because he went on a honeymoon when I had narrowly been murdered. He just did not feel anymore so it was kind to say nothing.
He a kind of a family friend he a kind of a person whom everyone knew a bit of. He whom I knew nothing about. He who thought I was in his way socially. I did nothing spoke nothing said nothing. I did try to say something like nothing doing but there was this ill temper about the whole situation.
We did it for each other we have done for each other.
I was a husband beater I did it on my own did not enjoy it at all. I weep now to think how gently he took it and took off.
You see men can take off when they get beaten they take off a woman has to stay and take it. I did not mean to hurt him I did nothing to stop myself from wanting to waste him. I took it badly he did nothing for me. He did not take me to clubs and discos and he danced with somebody else. I who did nothing wrong did everything to stop him from loving me. The moment I hurt and kicked him that was it. He ran and he ran to someone more appealing she appalled by it all did not want him because she a woman who preferred woman and did not want full time responsibility for that sorry thing his trash.
"Take your clothes off Caroline and it will be alright." But it is not
But at first she thought it was rather amusing to see who hurt whom most of all. She did nothing but enjoy the taming of the shrew as she put it. I settled into fighting it out with him and she tenderly stroked the fires that were ashen and no longer burning. The many things a woman desires to do to another woman is the truth one cannot play monopoly without hurting the man because he wanted her more than I. Must have dreamt the whole nightmare that I could harm him would harm him most in this world. I kept on kicking and kicking him and she was almost cool with the cruelty what does it matter to be insane in this sane world where the only happiness is to take what one likes?
I did not forget him I never could I did not forgive never ever will. I placed myself in handbags for that man. I gave up every shred of dignity for that man. Why I do not know. It is not much to do with the sexy parts because she is more sexy than I am I am a fool wilful and all that. I make mistakes misunderstand I do not do the right things.
I am nothing to do with the reality of success of failure I am a failed attempt there is no one for me. There is nothing for me but him.
Live your life says dad. Live your life go to the park bench screw some guys.
Take the pleasures do whatever take me I am that guy look they are driving me mad they have nothing not much to dream of and I can give them ever and ever and make their dreams come true. Of course dad does not realise he is nothing but sober when he speaks?
"One bottle of whiskey that is all."
"Good and I thought you were drunk."
The days left me drugged out and then I would startle the man giving him a kick. You did this to me. There is almost no venom someone to feel to be with someone to kick. I did not know he felt it. I must have been off my head. I feel sorry now. But one more kick.
All his friends have left him fled the scene of daddy's coming and going. Dad feels he has to kill my man they sit it out while daddy does not care for the food dislike the way Tom cooks does not agree with daddy's constitution and all that. I make the food he complains Tom makes the food he yells.
Tom is in for a treat he is staying for the break and that will make me the happiness complete.