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Chapter 9

Destructive forces inside me combat with the good that there is there is nothing but this struggle as if in the class struggle. I struggle every day with every day things. I am almost this insane woman whom has let it down let it go. Top up her medication staying power make her more amiable to life. She is in a sorry state what else can we do? Life is a long process of learning and this is when we do experiments. She has signed for us to make experiments on her. We have to because she is a ticket to become a discovery. Well it is all systems go.

I can't they see me as this woman who is wasting her life I have to feed my family otherwise that dad will kill them. I have to feed them because if I do not a drug addict who has a conviction for rape and murder might take it into his head to do something worse. Does it matter if my parents die of natural causes or are killed or if my siblings die in a evil manner? Or if someone in the family is hurt harmed or eventually comes to a bad end.

"We all die in the end so what does it matter?"

She has to be useful because we are giving her money because she is disabled. What we must be clear about all this there is no free lunch but nobody is aware of it.

We are so mean but we beaver away at masks which totally hide our faces which are blank. We do not fire anything or anybody because we must never try this out. To make her life worthy we must source her make her the truth of understanding what it is to be her. She is almost ready to tell us.

Her unconscious processes have come around we must now shatter the silence which she had been enthroned for some time. We must know what she is thinking feeling and all that. She has come round we must know. We must feel her life force we must see what she is feeling.

It will at the most give us a extra layer and we might be able to see what a normal natural person is like. So having settled down to doing just that by provoking a family row and then settling to enjoy the whole show. The window was there and he left the door ajar to listen as well? Well of course because then he would not get the full benefit of the whole deal. That is the good doctor. He in charge of the process of healing since he took it into his head to make us all cohere as a family and talk and interact we have not only rowed but there was physical fights and robberies which went undetected. Until too late.

Because the gentle hand of science is finding out the truth but not dealing with it. So having said that there is a lot for the truth going. You can eat it whole or crumbly with the apple in or out. Well it does not matter.

That these are white collar people doing these types of criminal activities makes it not great in fact it is obvious we are all hell rising bent on bettering the situation because daddy is so popular with the populace ideology. He has hooked into the idea that having a lesbian wife who is in some relationship which can make him look great is his greatest achievement in this world.

"Oh your worthiness."

"I am not going to tell you again."

"Your mightiness."

"Run otherwise if I catch you."

"Daddy out I go,."

"You better. Now Zeks your upbringing of that shambolic girl is not on."

"What did I do wrong?"

"You did not tell her to respect authority. I am authority so she does not speak well about the whole thing."

I had a different experience of authority there is no good authority except some who have to do what they must. That saying grown up authority is what we do you do not do what we have you do not have so you cannot do it.

Well that is a nasty experience of authority? It is just because in some countries they have rapist as their Presidents. That is how it is when a rapist can become a president than that is the end of that country.

Because a woman when she says no means it.

"My dear brother."

"Now try to teach her authority."

"Can you repeat that?"

"Sure but it might be too late."

"For your sake Zeks I hope not."

She knew the Turkish flag statement by heart so she went in and cited it to me. I loved the words and the way she told it. To do all that she meant it she said.

I was given the words for the flag as the statement of fact to respect the elders and to treat children kindly.

I hugged myself in my childhood lack of know how. There it was I was protected. I was a child they meant no harm to me.

"There it says it all."

Then nearly got raped by my dad I was nine years old.

I do not want to go into it I told Jane who wanted to go into it. She begged me her curiosity inflamed. She asked questions of what had happened. I did not speak about it. I did not want to share the shame. She just did not understand because her eyes settled into grim I know it so and so because you feel something for that. I did not. You do. She said nothing after that.

I think Jane and I should have separated because I was harmful for her and she for me. But we were told we should prove beneficial to each other.

"I think that you lot do not do the nicest things to children and that must be remedied. " Did it make sense or was it masking the experience?

My feelings were not returned mother said if we escape it is okay because only we count. Escape where she said Cyprus where and it was then as if the promised land appealed to both of us. The siblings did not want to go but they had no choice in the matter. We left the shop the leasehold still nine or ten years and fled. I did not see it like that. Fleeing was freedom. Dad sells drugs to children. That the white stuff matters in the end when carted by youths and gangs which they see as dispensable.

Sibling yanking the furniture by

"Zeks?"

"Yes?"

"I am going to teach her myself don't interfere at all."

"Be my guest."

"Good I am coming over."

Zeks went pale.






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