5 DAYS BEFORE THE RAIN -
"Can you come here Cali?"
I set my phone down on my desk and paused for a moment.
I didn't bother to look up from my desk but I knew exactly who was calling for me.
Its Elsie. It's always Elsie. Her small but condescending voice always traveled flawlessly above the office chatter to peirce my ears. Practically daily.
What is it now?
"Cali? Can you come here? Please? Her voice sounded more irritated than before.
"Sure one moment!" Suddenly my computer screen just got a lot more interesting.
I just dont want to go the instant she barks at me like that. She can wait. After a noticable amount of time I figured I'd start to make my way towards her.
I stood up, letting the back of my knees push the rolling computer chair into blue cubicle wall behind me.
The office floor was massive and the cubicles were linked in perfect rows. Giant windows lined the entire floor except for the back wall where huge white boards hung from the ceiling. Charts of data and numbers dangled from eisels in every corner.
Pictures of nature with inspirational quotes were strategically posted on the outer edges of cubicle walls.
In the ocean of cubicles,my desk was planted midway to farthest left of the office coming from the main door.
I was only about four desk back from the main door which yielded a lot of foot traffic through out the day but atleast it kept me awake through gruelling work days.
The window to my right was blocked by my cubicle wall so in a sitting position I couldnt see out to the city streets. It never made much sense to me to block such a beautiful view of Broadway blvd with a cubicle wall. But that's how they set this place up. It's probably a good thing because people watching was one of my finest hobbies and I'd probably never get any work done had I been able to look out as much as I wanted.
"Cali! Elsie is calling for you." Said a man's voice from far behind me. It's most likely Brian. Kiss ass!
"Coming!" I belted out
" I just need you for a second Cal." Elsie said sweetly, trying to mask the irritation in her voice.
Elsie is the manager of our department. She is slender and short and has a bad attitude all the time. Her thick framed glasses are way too big for her tiny face. Personally she should have left them in the 60's, where they'd died once before. Theyre trying to say ' I'm fun and funky' but its missed the mark.
She had a mousey appearance and dressed in sophisticated over priced suits that just hung off her broomstick body. She looked like a child playing dress up in moms outerwear.
My disdain for her has only grown over the last 3 years that I've been at this company, CAIN INTERNATIONAL STAFFING.
More like DICK INTERNATIONAL STAFFING!
I cant stand her or this place. But I cant find anything better at the moment. So here I am. Stuck!
I guess I should have finished college and picked a career I'd enjoy. At the time I was more interested in partying and and walking the walk of shame with a stranger than walking the stage to get my degree.
If I knew then what I'd known now, I wonder what my life would look like? That question haunts me everyday.
I'm nothing more than a worker bee.
Now considering my past life of dancing on table tops and flashing random bar strangers, I've come a long way.
I like to say I finally grew up and got my shit together when I met my husband Jesse. But it was more so because everybody else I knew seemed to grow up overnight. So I felt the need to follow suit. Although it was a great thing, settling down ,I did fat shortly after I started "adulting" and met my husband 6yrs ago. 2 years after that I lost the weight and got in the best shape of my life. Keeping in shape is probably the best thing I currently have going for me. Running has been a great substitute for compulsive raunchy sexcapades.
It's not quite the same, but it keeps me sane.
I tend to overdo anything I start doing. When I statted drinking at 14 I was drunk all the time.
When I started smoking pot, i was high all the time.
When I started having sex at 14 I just kept having it , all the time.
And so and so on
I love my husband, I do. I'm just not sure I'm in love with my husband.
Hes good for me and I'm good for him.
Hes reserved and a little bit of a prude. I tend to bring him out of his shell and he ropes me back in. So it's worked out well accept or the fact that I'm bored. In the past when I get bored I get dangerous and blow up my life.
He has shown me love that I've never experienced before meeting him. Not even as a child. I dont have family. My mom and dad abandoned me as a baby. Friends have always taken the place of family. Which is probably why I always act out in crazy ways. Love can make you do crazy things but not having love can make you even crazier.
We dont have kids yet and he has been hinting at it lately. Honestly I cant picture being someone's mother. I dont know how to mother. I'm not ready to find out either. I dont know if I ever will be. I cant tell him that now. I think it would destroy our relationship at this point.
I know that talk is going to have to happen sometime soon but I'm just beating around the bush and doing what I always do. Procrastinate.
I have a best friend, Addy. Shes been my best friend since right before I met my husband. She lives with Jesse and I in our 2 bedroom house on the outskirts of the city. The drive from work used to be so beautiful to me, now it's just a boring two laned rd where you dont see another car for miles. And since it's over an hour drive out of the city, I always seem to be on it when it's dark. I'd love to live closer to the city but Jesse is a mountain man. His heart belongs to the mountains. Which happens to be in the middle of nowhere. So for now its gonna stay this way. Hes a real steak and potatoes type of guy. No frills. He spends almost every waking moment in the garage tinkering with his truck, splitting wood or fixing things. He seems to always have something to fix. Or maybe, better yet, he always needs something to fix. Come to think of it. It's probably the real reason he married me.
Oh yeah she beckoning me, I slid my chair back and stood up abruptly, hitting the grey blue cubicle wall behind me.
I peered over to see Elsie standing in the office main doorway. She was holding the door open with her butt and curling her pointed finger in a come hither fashion.
I really want to tell her where she can put that finger but instead, you know what I did, I plastered a plastic smile on my mouth and walked towards her. Barbie's got nothin'on me.
" yes". I said walking up and stopping a little too close to her. She backed up a step.
"Have you finished the data I gave you yesterday?....specifically the European and Chinese accounts?"
"Not yet, but it's getting there." I released a little more attitude in my voice than I'd meant.
"Ok well I need it to be finished by the end of the day". She said with her glasses sliding down to the tip of her nose.
A vision flashed of myself pushing them back up her nose with enough force to knock her on her butt.
Now normally I'd just say ok and walk away, but this time words flew out of my mouth like a wad of spit.
"Theres no deadline! I mean, these are old accounts right?!"
She knew that I knew there was no timeline. All I had to do is check for errors and input the data. So this was just one of those times where she was taking the opportunity to make me look incompetent and doing it in front of everyone with the facade of privacy.
"Yes but I need it done as soon as possible, please have them done by the end of the day."
"Is there anything else?" She said returning the same smile.
"No " I replied and turned abruptly to walk away.
Of course when I turned around I could see eyes peeking from around several cubicle walls. Like little mice peering from their mice holes at the big black cat.
I was the outcast of our office. The "Troublemaker". The one who always had something going on. As much as people seem to despise me, they loved me for it. They loved a good seen.
It was highschool all over again,on our 11th floor typical office flat.
The mean girls-Sarah, Heather and Elsie, had formed a clique the typical clique.
Then Brian and Eddie had an unclear dweeby sexual-esque relationship. In school, they would be deemed the class clowns.
Their desks sat back to back, so they exchanged obscene gestures and one liners all day. They think they're cool and clever but if you've ever seen Night at the Roxbury then you know what I mean.
Just across the isle was Bob. Bob was one kiss ass hall monitor. He was the only other person that laughed and acknowledged Brian's and Eddie's banter. He's the type to step on your face to kiss someone's ass to come up in the office world. He has no problem taking credit for work he didnt do. Most days you could tell he wanted to be apart of brian and Eddie's twosome and become the 3 amigos, but Brian and Eddie must've declared at some point that he was too dweeby to allow it to happen.
The entire office floor was plain and stoic. It seemed to match the personalities of every employee on the floor. Except me of course. The chess board of perfectly spaced cubicles seem to go on as far as the eye could see.
A giant clock on the center wall hung above our heads like a master keeping its workers in line. It also seemed to be magical in the sense that it had the ability to slow time to almost a stand still whenever it felt like it each day. I had a love hate relationship with that clock. I look at it over 100 times a day. Sending it wishes or obscenities each time.
I got back to my desk and just before I turned in to sit down I catch a glimpse of Brian's eyes staring at me from 4 cubicles behind.
He seemed to take every chance to stare at me. He was short and stubby and had adult acne splattered all around his face.
Since he was one of those guys that was married but found every opportunity to say an inappropriate comment or point out a sexual undertone. Like " that's what she said".
I was just waiting for something to fly out of his mouth.
His desk is covered in family photos of cherub faced kids. He seems like a doting father from all the weekend annecdotes he shares every Monday morning with the entire office.
I have to say, i kind of admire the guy, he has mastered the art of watching phone porn all day while always perfectly maintaining dad of the year.
On the other side of that coin, he seemed to enjoy watching me get reamed a little more than everyone else. I probably remind him of a girl from highschool that rejected him or something to that measure and now he takes solace in my humiliation.
I jestered and twirled my finger for him to turn around and mind his own business, to my surprise, he obeyed and popped his head back behind his little wall.
Plopping down into my chair I took a breath and scooted in.
I centered my keyboard and hit the enter key
Wow already getting shit 36 minutes into the work day...new record.
I need to start writing down my "bitch outs." I'm sure theres a record somewhere I'm breaking.