My new favorite sound.
I scream but he isn't listening anymore and she can't hear me.
I look around but I see nothing, I hear nothing, but I feel everything.
"Shut up you lil bitch and take it, don't be a fucking coward, cos I ain't raised no damn coward!"
This is the voice of the man who swore to protect me from the day I was born, my "lovely" father, the man I'd looked up to for so many years, the only person I used to be able to trust; Well look where trust had me now, laying on my bed in tears, shaking from his forceful touch, watching as he slams my door, leaving me there with torn clothes and a torn heart.
I walk to the bathroom barely feeling alive, I feel like a dead soul stuck inside this stupid body, even if I am alive no one treats me like I am. Twisting the taps as I shiver uncontrollably; I get in the shower and scrub frantically until I collapse trying, I WANT HIM OFF OF ME - no matter how hard I scrub I still feel him on me, INSIDE me. What would it take for me not to have to feel a trace of him ever again, for him never to haunt my head when awake, for him to stay out of my mind when I'm asleep.
This all started when my mom got diagnosed with schizophrenia, after that Dad started acting weird he would go to work come home go into his room and lock his door and not come out to even eat until he had work again. Mom was getting more and more unstable and Dad decided to book her into a mental hospital and we used to visit her every weekend but slowly the visit became less and less frequent until Dad stopped taking us to visit her and I haven't seen her since. Dad then started bringing in new women every day and when I confronted him, He stopped but that was when he started to touch me and then it escalated and he started to do other inappropriate things to me. Then he started to hurt me.
He told me it was my fault my mom was insane and that I pushed every other women he ever loved away from him and that he wished I was never born.