This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.
I used to be a good woman. They took everything from me. I have been robbed, slandered, abandoned, and beaten up. Then, a savior came along. He took from me what was left of my broken soul. Now I have changed. The light no longer accepts me. I must take it from others. Yes, I must drain the light out of human beings to that I may live. I have the perfect target in mind.
Blood smeared the youth’s glasses. He listened as the shower ran down the hall. In the bathroom, Gabriel stood in the shower with the bloodied water washing down the drain. The past three days were exhausting on the youth that she had corrupted. All part of her plan, really.
-Five Days Earlier-
Gabriel had to get revenge for Julian’s death. Even though she couldn’t explain her feelings about him, she felt that she had to act on her need. The succubus went straight for the source of the mob that murdered her ex-husband. For weeks, she stalked the preacher and his family. Gabriel resisted the urge right away. She wanted the man to suffer for taking away the one she could love. In her mind, she worked out how she would kill the preacher. It wouldn’t be long before the succubus found the opportunity in their oldest son.
Fifteen years old and lived in a naïve world. His parents fought to keep their children innocent from the secular world. When he entered his teen years, Phillip was allowed to go to public school. This was how Gabriel trailed the youth. From what she could tell, he had no sense of the supernatural yet. The succubus smiled as she saw how this would work in her favor.
She met him on a Sunday. He had to left his school to go to church. Gabriel changed her appearance to look like a teacher and waited in the schoolyard. She watched as all of the schoolboys eyed her as they walked by. The succubus didn’t move until Phillip crossed her path.
“You there,” she spoke up. The boy froze and turned his head. Gabriel stepped forward.
“Is your name Phillip?” she asked. The boy’s eyes lingered her full breasts.
“Why do you ask?” he asked. Gabriel’s body blocked his view.
“I need to see you about something,” she said.
Gabriel grabbed him and kissed him on the lips. With one taste, she drained enough light to have him hooked. Two weeks in and she had him as her little pet.
-October 20th, 1945-
Gabriel stood over the preacher, his wife, and three younger children. She held a baseball bat on her shoulder as she walked back and forth. The preacher glare at her as Phillip stood near the doorway, watching. His wife sat beside him in tears. Gabriel rolled her eyes.
“Shut up,” she hissed. Whack! The wife took a bat to the head. She didn’t even scream as she hit the floor in a pool of blood.
“Angie!” the preacher shouted.
“Stay put!” Gabriel yelled, waving her bloody bat. Phillip stood with no emotion on his face. He wasn’t always this dead inside. His family used to be a tight unit. Gabriel came along and seduced him ever since the day she kissed him. She planted cold ideas in his head as she drained the light from his soul. Now, he stood cold as she beat his younger brother to death. Gabriel waved her bat back and forth between the preacher and the two children.
“Who shall I kill next?” she asked. The remaining children trembled as the father still looked like he was ready to attack. As she killed, Gabriel ate their souls. The more she consumed, the more her darkened wings flared. At her feet, the children whimpered in tears. Gabriel’s eyes settled on the youngest boy and smashed him in the head. Three down, two more to go. At this point, Gabriel turned to Phillip.
“Would like to help me out?” she asked. The succubus didn’t wait for a response. “Of course you would.” She stepped aside as the oldest boy walked up to the six-year-old girl. The preacher shook his head.
“No,” he said. Phillip grabbed the child by the throat. Gabriel watched as the boy pressed down on the girl’s neck.
“Phillip! Stop!” their father screamed. The succubus’ laughter could be heard from outside of the house.
“Stop, you say?” she asked. “It’s too late for that. He belongs to me now, body and soul.”
“That can’t be,” the preacher said. Phillip threw down his sister’s body once she died by his hands. Gabriel turned to the last victim with a smirk on her face.
“Looks like I win,” she said. The preacher broke down trembling as he shook his head.
“No, no!” he shouted before the bat came down on his head.
Gabriel walked out of the bathroom, drying off. Phillip didn’t make any eye contact.
“What becomes of me now?” he asked.
“That’s not my problem,” the succubus said. She threw down the towel and walked out of the now silent and blood-soaked house.
PaulSenkel: If you like Arthur C. Clarke's Odyssey, especially The Final Odyssey, then you will probably also enjoy this book. I definitely did.It does, however, address a more adolescent public than the above-mentioned book.I enjoyed the story and finished it in a few days. The overall situation on earth an...
Shayleen Seiberg: See, I wasn't sure if I'd like this story. But it turned out extremely well. It kept me interested the whole entire time. The only thing wrong with it is there are multiple grammatical errors. Not punctuation wise, but spelling wise and word placement wise. But overall, I loved the book.
RodRaglin: Your writing is very good, Rachel, but remember you also have to entertain the reader and in that regard it's a bit sparse in action and dialogue.Consider when revising...When starting a new story always consider your protagonist's Goal - what they want; Motivation - why they want it; and, Confli...
Kiz16: After a truly shocking start to the story, I found the style and content slowed down as the author introduced a varied group of characters who I thought were fleshed out very well. After a slow couple of chapters, I found this story difficult to leave with the tension growing within the house. Yo...
Ben Gauger: Kudos go to Liz Aguilar, author of To Have And to Hold a fast-paced, gripping, adrenaline rush from start to finish, one of perhaps the finest pieces of writing I've ever read, in particular because of its' telenovela-like feel, May she continually find success as an author. Bravo my dear, bravo!
jaslynnash2015: I absolutely loved the story from beginning to end and I loved following each of the characters throughout their journey! Very captivating although there were a few grammar errors, but very captivating still! Can't wait for book 2!
Deleted User: (A review in progress). I like this. It's sparse, gritty and atmospheric - reminiscent of the classic Golden Age of American detective fiction of the Thirties. I've only read the beginning, but I'll definitely be back. This writer knows their stuff and has done their homework on detective work. T...
Jessie: I wrote a review on fanfiction but I thought it would be fitting to write on on here too :) This story was honestly stunning. I am a budding writer myself and to read this- to FEEL this- reminded me of why I am honoured to have this passion and drive for a craft that is just so raw and beautiful.
RodRaglin: Sounds like an interesting story, LesAnne.Here are some things you might want to consider when you revise this draft."Show don't tell." You've probably hear this before and wondered what's the difference? Well, the difference is as a writer you're telling your reader what's happening rather than ...
FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"
Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."