Chapter 1
We are the swelled. We are never swindled we are as sharp as a pin. Life is about nappies. Baby nappies are then the ones to die for.
"Other why did you try to kill me?"
"We want you to die for us so we may be happy."
"We want you to become a victim because we are the ones who are chosen to be alive."
"Because you are unsuited to your role."
Sacked and then never forgotten I can forgive but they never.
We glow in the dark because we are night creatures. When we walk in the night we walk taller than anyone. We share our fondest memories in the dark.
He was most inexperienced so I dealt him a blow. I feel no sorrow for him. He is what I do most sincerely cry for. The painful memories of what I went through to become the woman I am now. The pains? Meaningless to me.
"Oh, lovely sister why can't you stop being a beast?"
"What nonsense?"
"We believe in marriage take his mind off the attempt on his life."
"Mother I dislike that debutant."
"Well, son what else should you marry?"
"A virgin finds me one and I will marry her."
He thought there weren't any. When she appeared it appealed to him. He liked the look worshipful eyes. Then what happened?
They got on each other's nerves when her virginity was fled. And he took his fill there was nothing in common. He got bored and she became a strumpet.
"Let us throw a boulder at him?"
"My bloomers were the best now look at it."
"You are not wearing any?"
"That is correct."
"Too soon mummy he has not made the settlement right yet."
"We are negotiating with the lawyers for a good price for the virtue lost."
"We must resell her as soon as possible otherwise she will go off."
"But this is not that is it?"
"None of anyone's Goddamn business."
Look this is a serious thing when a marriage is over. Come guys come on look at it in the bright side.
"We hate married people."
"I am a schizophrenic and this is what now I make of it."
"I am mummy."
"What a beauty no one can resist."
"Spoiling me mummy? That is what he says."
Saying nasty things about the upper crusts.
"How much?"
People are lost in some alleyway doing the done thing before they have time to seek a good living.
What is lost in this way?
In this bubbling cauldron of the cesspit, what is there but nothing but lust?
There is a moment just a moment when he snarls. I could have died. He snarled at the little girl. I could have died do you understand?
"But you are not a little girl so I hear?"
"No most definitely I am not a little girl."
"You are poor so must be a whore."
"Not necessarily."
Time knew no bounds because once they make their minds up they never change them.
I mumble something.
No his grandmother did not want him dead they just wanted the same girl.
"Look son we all make mistakes it is a mistake."
"Just because you want her for yourself?"
"I have my needs."
"Well cherish them."
"But dearest do not be cross."
"I want her dead or out of this world."
"I would be a ghost?" I am ashen. Then perk up maybe it was not so bad.
"How very exciting."
"My dear grandson."
Banished from the home and she sat in state forever until and until.
Such unhappy people such unhappiness.
"Look no use blaming me."
"I think she can make me happy." Said the grandmother.
"She has no usefulness. Now both of you leave. She does nothing worth remarking on. Lazy and without children. what use is she or will she be in life?"
The heir went blank. He said something to some people and they were swept off cause. There is something so strange and appealing about the whole thing like a ghostly dance. It is full of something like vermin and vim. Past decadence is yet alive. It is very much alive like a live wire.
"How exciting it all must have been. No, because I was frightened and looked frightful. I had flour all over me and had done something awful. He meant every word he said.
"He wanted to make his sister the head of the family."
"What nonsense."
"She has more common sense."
"Sure I am the dickhead."
"Why does nobody listen to me."
"I could have had you killed but instead rot here instead."
Duty done he got into parties.
Mostly unhappy.
"Our heart bleeds for them."
"Most worshipfully."
"How did they want him dead?"
"Poisoning."
"Well, how did it happen?"
"We saw you coming."
"I was unoccupied."
Wept as they hunted me down.
"They go in groups they dislike to be on their own."
"So when you said no?"
"When I said no because I was painting the furniture and he most definitely said he liked my bread pudding."
The mother blocked the sink. She said there was washing in there and I had to wipe my dirty painted hands on the clothes. No one else was poisoned. No one else had the poison that is what made me suspect.
My family does perfect murders. That is how they get paid that is when I did not know back then. But the woman who said she was vice-principal at my school was a woman who did not even go to that school. It was the same woman she was the same woman who appeared over and over again sometimes in a knitting shop sometimes as a woman of means and sometimes everywhere was she following me? I think so.
I am innocent,
I am honest. I did not kill anyone at all.
"Liar." Once his mind was formed he would never change it.
His mother had madness in her eyes. Eerie as if the moment she appeared she was a ghost from the past.
Consumed by something more than money.
Loneliness was it?
Huge hunger as if that made her seek something more something she shed tears over.
She suddenly appeared with the eyes of the wicked dead. I did not know back then who it was she had bad legs she said she looked older than she said. She said she was perfect at sixty. She at sixty but she was older. I could have sworn.
No names I might be undone.
I had a feeling I had a narrow escape.
Did not know she was important and did not seek her out.
I felt trapped somehow once or twice when their feelings overcame their common sense.
Did not seek to find out who she was. Fled because somehow felt the danger felt the awful alarms. I was inside the gates with no way of getting out. Electric gates without a shadow of a doubt controlled somewhat from the office. The office was mad.
The school could have been as quiet as a graveyard. I felt them coming for me. And then spat outran for dear life. Did not know who was mad but felt the anger there felt the awful danger.
A white car just came in.
So he sent you to Cyprus?
"All of us back to where we belonged."
"Thousand pounds for the whole lot of us."
"Who is he?"
"Everything here is writ in confidence there is nothing more I can say. Less spoken about names the better."
His importance is best acknowledged.
