What is this sensation? I pondered, rattled my thoughts stood hidden by the veil of whispering lures of darkness, wicked filth that crawled and crawled by the edge of my view. As if spoken by the loving embrace of a wicked mother the words lashed against my will, clashing with the horrid symphonies of nightmares long forgotten.
Chaos, deliciously deprived chaos beckoning me into a lulled sense of carnal hopes and temptations, I knew neither man nor woman was the cause of the wretched murmurs that withered what remained of my rational self. The searcher of truths; the journalist I once was, no more. Begotten and deprived of the blissful ignorance I had turned into a slave in search for his own tail. Like a starving dog, spiteful and nothing more than deserving of pity I stood unable to refrain.
Lulled by the hushed song of her voice, she guided me along into the waked state of cold stone beneath my flesh, and sounds of crawling creatures surrounding me. Tiny feet scratching, hungrily in search for the food of tonight–-searching, their struggle carried them along my hands. Insects with moving parts--brushing, stroking against my flesh that now jittered in shivering shakes of both fear and the chilling moist of the room.
There was darkness wherever I looked, and l could not fight that delicious depravity, that which beckoned my very soul through hushed words of nonsense.
“Where am I?” I smiled weakly, pushing myself up from the cold moist dirt that cradled the bricks.
My features twisted, contorted as I sighed out my screams of silent pleading, my fingers reaching, curling against and into the cracks and crevices of the wetness that riddled the stone. Searching, my limbs beckoned the scratching itch that etched itself within the back of my head. Engraving my thoughts into the false truth, it, that which spoke, commanded me into seeing where there was nothing to see. I found myself chuckling, shallow breaths through my teeth and lips in the fear of the on goings, I stood remembering.
The beginning was a haze of surreal infractions, black stairs leading into the sea above, stairs with neither end nor beginning, it was a prison of infinities. A concave abstraction which I fell into by the seduction of her voice, yet time and time again I failed as I fought against the obvious: There was no beginning, it simply was. I tried and I tried, praying to god I begged and begged, even as the memories flicked past my waked senses--and it made no sense to me. These shadows for which even now at this very moment, haunted every second of my existence.
Unbridled, unfettered truths which had followed me in my steps, there is bliss in ignorance and so I then knew, regretting the lack of my own caution I turned wondering. How costly would this mistake be?
I once had asked questions of this very madness in hopes of learning that which no words can explain, it is the nature of it. Just like the carrion-like existence of humankind; decadent like the smell that lingered thick and rotten. It was a horrible odor of the worst thing one could imagine. Old and sunken the air had turned stale for what I judged be years. It had long since been sanctified by something dead and most probably even worse still, it was impossible to know.
Scratch, scratch, scratch, the sound lingered in my mind, dancing with the syllables of reality. I smiled, wider and wider before I once more felt the treacherous pain of my nails giving in against the pressure--bending, breaking, my fingers began bleeding, trickling the warm red as the sounds of my little friends but spurred alive by the warmth of my taste.
My fingers now throbbing along the beating of my heart, reminding me of the terror which reached beyond my pain, and as if I lacked a tongue I could but usher empty, wordless sighs out through my parted lips. Even in this moment of sheer fright I could not scream.
“This is real,” I spoke to myself, attempting to cling to what was not.
The living heart of my insanity sharing its echoes of turmoil—beating, my fleshy vessel pulsed the blood around with rapid force as I stood hunched forward, still staring into the nothing.
“Is it?” I questioned, and tried to pierce the darkness before me.
A voice whispered in the dark, a voice in the shape of my own thoughts, Bathe, and bathe in this dream of dreams.
Another brief chuckle escaped my lips as the air grew thick like tar, working against the desperation of my hopeless breaths. Blinking I set eyes upon my hands, it began dawning upon me. I had been a fool, how could I not have seen the simple elegance that was the real reality. The true, the vivid–- vivacious and cruel, and still it felt like the only thing I knew.
The reality of stuff of horrid understandings was within my grasp and I knew then that it was not the how, what or why that mattered. All of the earthly matters was all begotten, forlorn and of little import. However, with the truths coming upon me through the lingering murmurs, I knew the futility of this struggle which beset my all, every inch of my limbs weighed down by the one single purpose. I tried, oh... I tried but there was no turning back by then. It grew within me, that pleading putrescence of festering ideas, visions of matters beyond my humble understanding.
I caved like the wretched animal I am, I caved like the rational part of myself which moments or years ago had turned fickle.... I caved… like the man I had once upon a midnight’s dreary been, and I knew. I knew he would never return, never come back from the dreamlike terrors that now afflicted the one in his place. The one who managed finding the cracks of the hidden answers, and hints of the beings of untold perils, just like the nails of my fingers, the veil had begun lifting.
The questions never ceased, instead they cradled my senses, the tar-like smell, and heavy thick air that forced upon my lungs. One more breath along the pulse of red that furthered the decadent delight I found within my lack of understanding, it was quite the alluring feeling, ushering me with the sweet nothings of immoral needs of an utterly insane man. I sighed out with rested eyes as the powerful emotions of it all, slowly began melding into the softness of the one beating pulse, the sound of my life as it pitched its sound by my ears, and which soon engulfed my entirety.
Through a deep, shivering exhale I welcomed the profane filth that ticked around me in the form of a thousand tiny feet, sharpness scratched into my flesh, marking my feet and hands both. Yielding, my mind wandered astray, like ashes in wind it left, piece by piece as if a demon from the night stared me at the back of my neck. A demon with the chilling breaths of morbid pleasures, through the cold and moist my thoughts spurred on, making the hairs upon my arms stand. What horrors had I wandered into? Surreal dreams that possessed the very soul and core of my whole. Layer by layer I felt my thoughts wander closer and closer by edge of nonsense. My tongue caged by the prison of teeth as I tried screaming again and again, yet I could but whisper as it was like stitches… threads keeping my mouth and tongue in place at the mere thought of making noise.
The new reality I slowly turned facing was beyond any works of fiction or otherwise Holy Scriptures. The waking moment of my own was simply beyond the hell of meager Lucifer, it was beyond the pale heavens of that godless sky. It was the truth which lay there, ever teasing my desires of wealth, but it felt fated to forever remain just out of my grasp, by unknowable intentions.
A whisper escaped, muffled by the flesh of my cheeks as my teeth dug a hole through it, I snarled at myself, “Shush!” Slobbery words escaped with the filth of my reddened fluids, but the pain felt right, it felt just, and true. More so than anything my old life had ever offered.
I looked around; fingers twitching into forced curls--contorting and quivering in defiance. That filthy wickedness that deprived me of my past memories, one by one, time lost its meaning along with my past. Through chilling breaths I felt the putrid scent filling within the lungs which banged against the inside of my ribs. The skin of my chest lingered in the damp, near oil-like air which beset my entire body with shivering motions. It was like the shadows crept within me, crawling into my lungs as I chipped for air--stirring my insides with its cruel vice of corporeal nature. Its grip beset my innards with complete ruin, toying with me until it simply wasn’t. Whatever reasons I could offer for its actions or lack thereof, none would matter. Only the fact that the moment came when its grip lessened, leaving me with nothing but the hollow nature of its fading vice. Even so; the feeling of its quaint, incomprehensible presence had set its teeth within me. I wasn’t alone.
I am, I am… I pondered, trying to make sense out of what in the hell was going on. With my mind clouded beyond the point of no return I began to even question the reality of my own existence. There was a chill that spread across my spine. Fighting the words whispered by my ear, I in turn whispered to myself with a low, delicate tremble, “No, it doesn’t matter... It doesn’t matter, stop it... make it stop!”
I stepped forth, gently so, hugging my way along the fractured walls that could only be described as what it was. A living vividness of thought was the abstract nature of it, the being that had taken the very mountain for itself. Feeding, eating of dreams unknown and so too did it smell and sound like the embrace of dearly, late beloved that stood returned to greet you.
Along the cracks of the mountain wall the water dripped cold, drops matching the hammering rain of the lighthouse that stood above. Through the darkness I then reached out. Further and further, I felt my stale fingers throb with the delight of reality, caressing what felt like a window lattice as my nails bent further more and broke and split.
It was like something had ripped out my very soul and in its place forced upon me the nothingness that was the meaning of me. I stared right into the blackened abyss that was there, and it stared back with an inhuman invite of venomous lure.
I heard a voice in my mind; it spoke to the trembling of my lips. Words no man could ever know, they held absolute power over me. Each and every single ushering of sound made me want more and more. I wished to know what they meant, what they promised, yet it was beyond the meager scope of the fickle light that was the lacking of my mind. Each unknowable syllable sending shivers of uttered dread, and so I fell by my knees and purged my fears out into the open, it reeked with my own pitiful filth.
I lashed back with a weak whispering, but now the words that came was creased in the horrific, that wicked profanity of the carnal tongue, that language that I would never understand. A mere word in whisper held more worth to me than anything I had ever known. Moment by moment I felt myself slip further off into the abyss of the cosmic. My thoughts and tongue was scrambled by the flesh of my cheek that tried remaining. It was anchored in the universe of ours, latched on like the earth around the gravity of the sun. Thoughts and flashes of matters and realities beyond the most horrid of imaginations scraped against my mind like a fork against ceramic. Screaming at the pitched roars of tortured souls within me, I simply gave in, and let it follow the gentle drumming of whatever nightmare this being that refused leaving me had in store.
Cradling my sense of touch, I defied him. It, this thing, I refused it with an argument of the universal. Yet the current of the seas of my thoughts rippled, and morphed into a storm within the madness of it all. The only outcome was accepting it, and so I ventured deeper and deeper through the shadows that creased along the edges of my sight and hearing. A weakness came upon me, followed by the song of a female voice that let lips brush against my ear. For a moment I felt at peace in the cradle of my logical surrender, and in its wake I did something more than needed, I welcomed it, all of it. Every single feeling that my barely lucid whole was touched by, I welcomed.
Slowly I now began feeling myself through the corridors, whimpering with falling tears as I rambled and rambled. Nonsensical as I tried making sense of the cosmic views and thoughts that hammered upon me, the cosmic veil only hinting still. I failed to keep myself from falling deeper within the blackness of the first and simple truth which was like falling through hell itself. The complete meaningless that gushed over my whole kept me still against the wall. The illusions that had once upon a time been the lies of my sanity, would now in its place stare back into the truths of the universe, I would know that which could not be known. The disillusion would crack through the fabrics of this lie and into the truth that stood in wait by the corner beyond the room, further out into the cosmos and curvature of our space and time.
The more I stared through these crevices of truths that surrounded me, the more its tantalizing venom spread its tendrils of blackened madness along my mind. If I a moment ago had been beyond the infinities of our wildest dreams, and beyond the point of no return, it was still not even a fraction of the vivid horrors that had infected our earth, our seas. This lingering presence of thought that shared its existence with me, breaking the last bastion of my thoughts it squeezed its swollen fingers of corpulent greed along every memory I had ever had.
The voices which now whispered, smiled to me as they cradled my whole into the false and depraved calm of a madness that only reached deeper and deeper for each passing moment of my punishment. I tried recalling, retracing my steps as to how I came upon this place, but only to find myself with the knowing of that my existence had been birthed the very same moment I set upon this little rock. Damned by the desires of the once upon heap of flesh I had been.
Once more I tried combating it, and once more I failed. My waked moment was but a trail of thoughts of which all was one fleeting, rancid moment of a world turned into the vacant realism of the Penrose stairs.
With my faltering senses I stumbled over a something as the lights flickered into hollow life of sickening yellow. It spread its vile luster through the corridor ahead with the sounds of surging currents, struggling against the poorly aged electrics of a world in war. Further ahead the stairs circled upwards as if it was the pinnacle of my own personal hell. I threw a lifeless glance towards the thing which had tripped me, “oh,” I muttered, brushing my palms along the soft allure of cold skin, and delving deeper into my own curiosity, I leaned in for a whiff, scenting the smell of withered flowers I could not help but feel at peace. It beckoned me further, this filthy thing in my way, but the heavy smell of thorns and roses delved into my throat. It was all sinking into my imagination, I would almost say that it made sense but the more sense it made, the less coherent my entire being became.
The sound of trickling water and wind echoed down the decrepit dark and yellow of the lighthouse, the horrid tears of the nightly earth bashed its lashing strokes into the windows above. Reap the flowers… I struggled against the thought. Meanwhile, I pondered about the smell of which I was leaving behind. It was a good way of passing time through the boredom of the fleeting.
Dreams, dreams, dreams, I once stood scratching in endless symphony, the thoughts once more pressing against that mind of mine whilst I gazed through one of the windows. It was now evident that I stood within the confines of the basement.
Rain again? These words I know, but how? My uncertainty stuck to my thoughts and ways like an animal stuck in mud, the more I struggled the further I became the deer with the fated end at hand. By now it was hard to make out my thoughts from the lucid insanity of the wicked and the grotesque. Sounds of clanking and churning metal against metal began riddling the corridors. The cogs of the machine that was the light in the darkness spun anew, besetting its final war upon the shadows of the Scotland coast.
With my eyes closed I graced along the steps, upwards in silent eloquence and ventured out into the rain. I had to know the feeling of where I was, memories of rain were like the distant flash of the signaling ship ahead. Rough and harsh the rain welcomed my poor idea of a laughing embrace, amidst the sorrows of the earthly tears. The damp grip of the thundering winds whipped along the green of the blackened island rock. The wind reigned upon the stone, and further caressed by the naked skin of my feet. My toes had grown difficult due to the cold spite of my predicament.
The odd reality I stood facing along my walk by the cliffs, the outside was tasking and difficult dealing with. I knew nothing about the time I had spent at Braqiu’s Aster. More than so the commanding whispers of the female voice further ripped what little remained of me into the purity of a constant state of terror.
I must add however, that terror is far too a gentle word for the visions that followed me as I let my feet guide the way along the wet, slippery rock.
As the rain swept its veil upon my features I felt passions, never known, passions which soon soothed my whole along the song of her whispers, her voice was the beacon of my hope. Just like the newly awakened light above was luring a cruise ship further off by the horizon, into the reefs which stood in wait.
As I stood upon the edge of my coming end, my eyes shifted at the waters. Within me there were fears beyond words, and nothing but darkness remained. It had engulfed my core, damning me through a feeling of loneliness that had crushed me within the moment it became. The true fact of the nature of mine was that it didn’t matter, it would never matter, and this truth I had now begun witnessing, was simply my own hopes of death.
I closed my eyes and stumbled through the rain; stepping out from the ledge I heard the roaring seas beneath me. Lashes through lashes it whipped into the bedrock. Like waves of derision the sea whipped its earthly anger into the faltering waltz of my endless dreams and unyielding passions of the unnatural. I recall hoping I’d smell those flowers of the lovely withering in the midst of the crude sounds of machinery.
I fell through the moist blackness of crashing waves as darkness took me beneath. I sank like a rock into the depths, avoiding the waves by what I knew was the ending of my calamity. Slowly I let my lungs out of air, relaxing into the embrace of my soothing friend as the slight bitterness of the flowers above spread across the tip of my tongue.
The voice beckoned me once more. It spoke about fields and the winds of our world, the cycles of our lives and more. Torturing my already broken mind I screamed out what little air I had left, wanting to die more than anything else I had ever known.
I barely dared even hoping for the reprieve of my eternal night, but soon I felt the cold waters fill my lungs as my fingers clawed in desperate exasperation, I was ready, begging for death as the visions and words but kept bending the already broken, and soon I felt myself turn weaker and weaker. Soon my muscles simply turned limp and all I could see was the flashes of lightning in the clouds.
My damnation had just begun, like the personal hell of the island above, I now awoke in a second life. Humid air filled my lungs, yet there was a touch of warmth and soft, treading fingers which trailed along my neck and cheek. They guided me into a dreamlike trance, feeling the poison of her voice cradling my senses; her words gave me nothing at first. A moment passed before I felt the somber desires she then awoke within me, the deepest depths of my horrid self, I was too wearied a man to not enjoy the touch of the female creature.
I was not leaving this place, it had hooked its claws into the very definition of oneself, and with this vice of a goddess she offered me more than any human ever could. It was for her in the end that I failed resisting the notions of my very own damnation, and it all had just been the beginning of a truer existence with her by my side.
The servitude that damned the old into the cages of insanity, had now freed me from the shackles of my dreams of dreams, “You are she….” I stood frozen, stricken by the profound, but the poised vice she held upon my very will made my whole churn with the longing of unconditional love.
“I am the one who has sung her words by your ear,” the creature ran her tongue along my neck and ear, and my hands gripped her between the legs and breast as I simply couldn’t refuse her presence.
Am I dreaming? I wondered, dread and equal enjoyment riddled my mind as my fingers began stroking along the moist warmth of her heat, I felt my breaths grow heavier with the cursed affection I failed to place. Our tongues soon intertwined as our lips lingered in sensual contact, “W-why?” I mustered, and deepened the kiss through the sensations of the cravings which she ignited.
A soft laugh escaped her through the waltz of our tongues, “Do let go… and revel in the pleasures of this aster,” with the venomous tone she had me by her little finger.
I was weak and her subtle voice was the peak of any man’s dreams. She soon brought her poisoned desires farther, moaning through a sigh by my ear she took my hard member in hand, stroking me with the cruel teases and constant promises of everything and anything.
“…W-will you tell me?” I questioned her, slipping my middle finger through her warm entrance, I felt split, uncertain and still I… I could not refrain. If her words were of the poisoned apples of Eden, her whispers could’ve lured angels into falling. With a hard push I guided her against the surreal walls of red, like a living beast the room was its own sort of depravity with its scent of darkest longings.
She ran her tongue into a coil around mine, tipping her head against the moist flesh that cradled the walls in a constant set of various patterns, fractals upon fractals in shifting forms, tantalizing my broken thoughts. No pause followed before I felt her slithering legs around mine, and then waist as our hips met through a constant grind.
“Like so… my wicked enjoyment.” The words followed with a carnal curl of her lips, her dark-gray naked skin was like a mix of human and fish, but I knew she was neither.
My heart was pounding now as I guided my tip between the lips of her sex, slowly sliding my member into her wetness, and pushed myself deeper still, push by push as a groan escaped my grunts and so a moan joined by her. The moments passed rapidly as I lost track of everything, engulfed by our dance of carnal depravities. I felt the last peak make the muscles of my whole twist and contract into a harsh moment of utter ecstasy, unmoving I felt the strict vice of her own beginning to near. Lost and bewildered by of our wild lusting pulses, she gripped me by the hair in the utter dominance of her existence, caressing my naked sweat she savored it all, refusing the simple act of moving aside.
“So very indecent,” she took all of me inside the cruel cavern of her deeper desires, and soon her own cliff was climbed over with the spasms of her horrid pleasures, I felt her use me like the very same way she had throughout the whole journey of my day, and my desires for her flesh and voice remained unshakeable.
“I… more, I want more,” I begged, and she merely laughed in the pitch of a cruel coldness which proved the surreal curse of my needs for creature that stood before me.
“It’s done now though… you’ve done me… so very proud, John.” She whispered by my ear, slowly grinding her way into making me want even more, yet my pleadings had not gone entirely unheard. The beast took me by the throat with uncanny strength behind her grip, her blackened eyes sparked with a more genuine enjoyment of the whole ordeal.
“Wh-what do you mean?” I asked her in panic, but her motions simply felt like those of a goddess. My hands quickly grabbed her by the wrist, and I tried pulling her grip away. Part of me wanted to please her to the point of my own demise; it was a wicked and sickly affection, rooted deep within the perversions of her making. It didn’t take long however until I felt the decay of my muscles. My heart began working as hard as it could whilst my lungs failed their desperate search for air.
“You have given me what I seek, and now you must fall asleep to join the others who have fulfilled their purpose,”
My attempts for words were the last of my concern, oddly enough there was a bittersweet joy of being set into the eternal blackness of the nothing that awaited me.
Darkness began spreading along the outlines of my vision.
The lack of air cursed my aching muscles with a timbre of calm echoes sent rippling, making my attempts of shoving her aside little but futile. Weakly in their meager contortions my fingers clawed the fragments of my nails through the skin of her nakedness. Drained and violated by this creature of the depths, my one and solemn consolation was the knowledge of my final breath growing close, feeling the vicious motions of her hands around my throat, crushing my organs through the orchestral hymn of my final struggle.
Within the blink of an eye it all turned into darkness, I gazed beyond into the flickers of light that stood in greeting to me.
I was certain it was nothing more than the last sparks of a dying mind.
Through the lack of my breaths the lights soon left me alone to the peace of the nothingness that began embracing me, time had stopped and I could do nothing but meet that blackened silence.
My eyes witnessed no tunnel of light; there was no hymn of the angelic to greet me, and no demon to drag me down into endless infernos … no, they all left me to the peace of death, the solace that veiled the sounds of my silently beating heart. We all must face the betrayal of life, and we all must cross the inescapable of the reaper’s gift. The strangest of notions then struck me: I had no ancient coin in my pocket to spare voyage, and still I felt the caressing calamity of the ferryman surrounding my being in the final farewell which tickled my senses.
Distant sounds of watery waves, a cradling sadness of our seas as they met with their own horizons, their own song of endings: a shore beyond the infinity of my begotten life. The song was of landing waves, and its gentleness lulled me into the indifference that now beckoned.