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By LoneRenegade All Rights Reserved ©



I wake up to the sound of dripping water. There’s a horrible stench in the air. It makes my eyes water and my cheeks burn with prolactin-riddled tears. The only light is from an industrial fan making flashes of eerie light in the darkness. In each flash I see a different image.
In each flash I see a hand turn to an arm. The arm is poorly wrapped in yellowed bandages and crusted decay. I hear a tiny voice.


It is male. In the next flash, the arm has vanished.
But not the voice. It kept repeating until it turned to a hoarse chant that only rose in volume

Chaos. Strife. Pain.

Chaos. Strife. Pain.

Chaos. Strife. Pain.

Chaos. Strife. Pain.

Chaos. Strife. Pain.

Chaos. Strife. Pain.

My throat is reduced to shreds as the fear takes over. There’s a ringing in my ears when I can no longer make sound. I feel a
numbness in my leg. I look down and in the next couple flashes, there is blood. There is a piercing awareness of pain now that I have seen it. I scream again as my foot moves out of instinct and fear and pain. I try to sit up on the dusty floor but suddenly I am yanked up by my hair.

There’s another face next to mine. Its breathing is slow and I can feel it on my face and its stench is foul. I hold my breath and close my eyes, keeping myself from looking at the figure over me. “Chaos…” The voice hit my face and I winced. It smelt of rotting decay and disgusting bloodied teeth. The male voice threw my face to the floor with brute force. I hit hard and feel a couple bones break with an internal cracking sound. He bends down to look at me. “Strife.” He says knowingly. A pathetic noise comes from my throat as I lay face down in the dust. “Chaos.” The voice seems to confirm himself this time, taking his blunt fingernails and raking them down my back.

I cry out in agony for only a moment. Then he repeats his actions. I feel the points shredding my skin deeper and deeper. I just cry out some more and he seems to like what he sees.

“Pain.” He confirms then continues beating my body down.

I feel bones shatter in all nooks of my body as the man kicks and beats me. I almost feel relieved when the fan speeds up and the light fades. Now I won’t be able to see my body after the man finishes.

I feel what he meant. The chaos in my head. The strife in my heart. The pain in my being. There is no coming out of this
nightmare. Only darkness remains in this lifetime.

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SeanSavage: Good plot that moves fairly quickly. Time passage somewhat vague. but not indecipherable. Very good syntax, grammar and punctuation. The story flowed very well, however, the breaks between chapters and the time jumps tended to be slightly confusing at first. I could see where the author was going...

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