Opening my eyes, feeling confused about where I am. I look up and see a faint ring of light above my head. I say to myself, “What is this place? Why am I in water?” Looking around frantically for an answer, I can feel my heart pounding so hard in my chest, my ears are ringing. My therapist has been helping me get in touch with my emotions, as in guiding me to feel them instead of numbing myself. I feel my heart pounding faster and faster, letting the fear take over my body. When I am at the point where I feel like it is going to consume me, I raise my head up and let out a blood curdling scream.
Better. Now to handle the task at hand. Finding out where I am. Trying to look through the darkness I discover by touch there is some water at my feet, not much there. I find a wall made of stone and this stone seems to be circular shape around me when I follow it. Looking up I see the ring of misty light taunting me because it seems so far out of reach. In disbelief I mutter, “How did I get here?”
I think about the last thing I can remember and everything is blank, there is nothing there. Feeling pieces of stone that I can use as footholds, I attempt to make the climb. At first things are not going well, there seem to be jagged pieces of rock sticking out there for me to hold on to; I feel like I have not been the only one attempting this climb. I get about three quarters of the way and my hand just grazes a stone foothold. Now, I have to figure out how to get myself up there. Hanging in the dark on pieces of stone, the thought of being stuck here for the rest of my life terrifies me. Realistically, someone would come looking for me eventually; I hoped someone would. Taking a deep breathe I stand on my tippy toes as much as I can and I finally get a grip. I start pulling myself up and relieved, finally I made it to the ring of light.
Climbing out of the well I am confused again. Looking around, I ask myself, “Why was I in a well? What happened to me?” I see something move in the shadows and the fear starts creeping up on me again. Cowering to the ground and covering my eyes. Curiosity gets the better of me; I peak through a space in between my second and third finger. The shadows are dancing before my eyes and something falls and lands at my feet. A black dog I think. The fur is all matted and there are random bits of fur missing. Foaming at the mouth he starts biting his own foot…no he is eating his own flesh. Looking at me eye ball to eye ball, the dog approaches me, barks in my face and runs off.
Standing up, I decide that I need to get out of here. Taking in my surroundings I see the trees are interacting with one another. The branches are dancing with one another in the creepy ambience of the night. Walking towards the trees I hear this noise; sounds like crying. Being led by the crying sound, it gets louder and louder. Approaching, the back of what looks like a man, I hear him say over and over, “I didn’t mean to kill her…I didn’t mean to kill her…I didn’t mean…”
The man turns his face for a second and everything hits me with an invisible force and I fall face first on the ground; I lie there letting the memories overwhelm me. I was making dinner, Frank’s favourite Pad Thai vegetarian style. The cat who we have nicknamed Bruiser decided to attack the solid border collie/blue heeler mix around the house named Spook. Bruiser chased Spook through the living room and when he entered the kitchen I collided with him. Dinner and I ended up on the floor. Of course at this moment my husband walks in the door and sees the spectacle. In fury he spat at me, “What is all this nonsense? I work all day to provide for you and you dump my dinner on the floor. What is wrong with you?”
“Honey, this is not my fault. Bruiser and Spook…”
“Perfect. It is never your fault. We should get rid of the cat and dog so you will have no one to blame for your mistakes.” Frank walks up to me, points his finger at my chest, and says, “This will be your last mistake, Sara.”
Coming back to the present the terror is still there. For the first time, I take in the surroundings, saying to myself, “Is this Hell? This is nothing like I was told the death would be like. Why is everything so nasty looking?”
I start walking through the trees when I find mirror and wonder about my reflection. Holding the mirror up to my face, I am horrified at what I see. My hair is all stringy with bald spots randomly on my head. The facial features are so beyond recognition. The right eye is bulged and swollen. Lopsided lips are protruding and I know I had a nose; my nose has been smooshed into my face. I can feel myself getting hotter and hotter with anger ready to burst, exclaiming, and “This can’t be. What has happened to me? Where is God? I was abused by my husband and this is my reward for torture. God is a sham,”
“What have we here, my pretty? Are you new to these woods?”
“Yes, I am. Who are you?”
“I am Nathaniel. I am so attracted to you my dear. You are so feisty.”
“What is the meaning of the things you say?”
“I have been waiting for a woman such as you for a long time. Come you are mine now,” Nathaniel walks toward me with his arm, I should say the withered away flesh that is supposed to be his arm.
Disgusted, I walk away and say, “Get away. I do not want to be around any man. Do you hear me? Stay away! Please. Please, someone help me.”
Blinded by the most beautiful light I put my arm up to shield my eyes. As I look up it dims and I see the most beautiful woman standing before me. “Sara, please listen. You do not have to go with that other man if you choose not to. I am here to help you if you choose to accept. Do you know where you are?”
“No. I do not. What can you help me with?
“My name is Muriel. I can help you with many things. First of all, I will need you to choose through free will, if you will accept my help?”
“Yes. I accept.”
“Good. What are you beliefs in what happens to you when you pass from the physical realm to the spiritual realm?”
“Well, I was told that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. I do not understand what has happened to me. I lived a good life and my husband beat me to death.”
“I am going to tell you some things that will probably shock you. Please have an open heart for our discussion. When you leave the earth realm and come here, the condition of your soul determines where you live in the spirit realm. The reason why everything is so yucky is because of the emotions you are hanging on to. You are hanging on to anger, rage, loneliness, and fear are just some of your emotions. These are emotions you would call bad from the earth perspective. All you have to do is feel these emotions and they will be released. You will then have more love entering you and your soul level will increase. Then you will be able to live in a nicer place.”
“I can feel the emotions you speak of, except I do not want to feel them. It is too painful to do this. You have been sent to trick me. I cannot believe the things I was taught on earth are not true. This is too hard.”
“I can only help if you want it. If you change your mind all you have to do is have a longing for help and I will come.”
“I am sure that will not be necessary. You are too high of a being to bother with a lowly creature such as me. This anger gives me great power, I cannot let it go.”
“Very well. I will go. Just one more thing. You will be surrounded by other spirits in the same soul condition as yourself. When you get harassed or want another spirit to leave you alone they will not unless they choose to do so of their own free will. The only other way to get rid of them is to feel your emotions and raise your soul level to a higher condition. When this change happens you can then leave this place and live in a nicer place. I will leave you in peace, Sara. My love is always with you.”
The light left and everything was dark again. This place is madness. I feel so much anger towards my husband. The bastard did this, he must pay.