Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

Free copy left
You can read our best books
Jasminechiswell would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Don't Enter Room 229

By Jasminechiswell All Rights Reserved ©

Thriller / Horror

Don't Enter Room 229

Around half past seven, the guests of The Arch Hotel make their way to the bar where they would receive a delightful beverage before being taken by a well-dressed man, possibly a waiter,  to their own table.
Mr Monoway always sits to the far right of the restaurant next to the beautifully designed bay window where he and his 3 children would taste the most luxury food in the world. Afterwards, they would move to a more comfortable room where Mr Monoway would kiss each child on their head before they are taken away by nanny Bernete. Mr Monoway would then return to the comfortable room where there would be very comfortable looking sofas and just before he would make his way to the luxury, royal purple sofa, he would collect a fine cigar from a large crystal box and yet another well-dressed man would strike a match to reveal smoke from the cigar and pass it back to Mr Monoway. He would then make his way to the far right of the room where his purple sofa is situated and discuss politics with Mr Sprouse.
The children and nanny Bernete travelled back to the center of the hotel where they would collect their key to their usual room. As nanny Bernete approached a few well-dressed men at what looks to be a reception, she leans over and asks for Mr Monoway's room key. The gentleman smiles and looks at the children and glances back at Bernete. It seems odd, as if they already know each other; their gaze spoke a thousands words on its own. The man looks away and goes to a different compartment than usual at the desk and smiles yet again. He turns round and hands this very small key to nanny Bernete who holds the key and again their glances lock. She grabs the key and turns to face the front door of the hotel where above the door hung a huge grandfather clock which striked half nine exactly. She turned around quickly and grabbed the two youngest children's hands and began to walk faster to get to the room. She had broken the one rule their father had given her; the children were to be in their beds by no later than half past nine on the dot.
The corridors looked different to the children, they were not like what they used to be like and they only ever stay in the delux suite which is situated on the tenth floor. Why were they walking down the corridors of the second floor?
Nanny Bernete was a good lady; she had morals but she was very caught up with religion. She would not tell Mr Monoway what religion she obeyed by but the fact she wore an upside down cross everyday to work, Mr Monoway was a bit worried.
After a long, unusual walk, they arrived at a small room in the corner of the left hand side of the corridor. The room number was not on the door; which seemed strange; where had she taken them? The children looked puzzled as how did she know that this was their room if there was no number? The children and their father always based their life on the right side. Mr Monoway felt that being on the right side of places meant he was on the right side of life.
Nanny Bernete opened the door, it was pitch black and the lights would not switch on at all. She put the children inside and told them to wait there. She left them a small torch and left the room. they suspected she was going to go and get someone to fix the lighting but that was just an assumption-she never actually said.
The children hunched together next to the door around this small beam of light that was coming from the torch, it seemed peaceful. After 40 minutes, they began to get a bit restless and their torch began to get weak. The eldest child, Sam, tried to open the door but for some reason, the door was locked. But how is that possible? They have the key?
The children's breathing began to get very fast and heavy. To conserve all of the life left in the torch, they would switch it off and on consecutively and for that split second of light, the children felt a sense of relief but unfortunately, it didn't last long.
Mr Monoway was an alcoholic. He would sit in the comfortable room all night drinking gin and whiskey. It had to be a 60ml measurement every time and had to be on the rocks. He didn't handle the absence of his cold-hearted wife so drink became his obsession. His children became second best when he was drinking and at this moment in time he believed they were all tucked up in bed dreaming of tomorrow.
Suddenly a door creaking noise is heard from near where the beds are situated, on the left side of the room. No one wanted to check so to stop them all from panicking, Sam took his younger brothers into the bathroom where he quickly locked the door and placed his brothers into the bath tub where they sat anxiously. The noise began to get louder and louder but then suddenly stopped. The boys slowly sat up and switched the torch on. The bathroom door slowly started to open revealing a woman in a long, black cloak ; her head was not shown. The two younger boys began to cry and tried so hard to not make any noise. Sam was fascinated by this figure.
Slowly the figure began to look up but as she did a loud laugh is heard. Just before the boys could see her face, everything went silent. The torch went out. The boys trembled. heavy breathing is heard. Creaks start to be heard in the bathroom, they were coming form all angles. Sam manages to press the power button on the torch which gave them light again but the figure had disappeared; the creaking had stopped.
Sam tells his younger brothers to stay in the bath tub as he spots something in the corner. He slowly gets out the tub and crawls over to the small, metal bin situated on the right hand side of the bathroom. It was a note, as Sam opened it up, a small picture fell out. The picture was blurry but Sam could make out three young boys and beside them stood a woman and a man. The woman was wearing the same cross necklace as nanny Bernete and the man was dressed like that of the gentleman at reception. Wait, if the boys looked closely, it looks like number...229. Sam began to feel uncomfortable and with the picture and the note in one hand and the torch in the other, he walked towards the room door and shined his torch at it to reveal his worst nightmare. Scrapped in a dark red paint were the numbers 229.
To be continued.
All rights belong to Jasmine Chiswell

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Jasminechiswell
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Resting-Madness: I've been in love that strongly, that I could see myself in the same situation as Surgio. The slow crawl of desperation was well depicted, I could feel myself leaning close to the screen, like he and I were conspiring together on how to construct this Frankenstein of Adela. And that's written thr...

Caitlin E. Jones: Such a riveting short story, full to the brim with folklore and horrors! The rich details used to make up Doolin were as well-placed as they were written, right down to the disturbing presence of magical creatures. The lives of the humans are used to great effect, giving us short glimpses of thei...

Kastril Nomenclature: This is a very clever story in the style of 19th century (and turn of the century) Gothic writing, very reminiscent of Stevenson's The Body Snatchers or even of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (less so of Frankenstein itself, since the author is more minimalist than Shelley's florid, Romantic rhetoric). ...

AJDay: Hello JaimePAvane,So, this is my first review on this site, and I am glad I found your story. I like where you are going with it and I am curious to see what future chapters look like. Firstly, your narrator; I love that she is describing not just her life but the world around her. Obviously a wo...

pikagirl311: Katie Masters has definite skill when it comes to plot work and characters. The story is well-paced and pulls you along with the tide, keeping you hooked until the very end. The only reason I did not give it five stars across the board is due to a few minor quibbles with misspellings and such lik...

Alex Rushmer: I like the intrigue that you introduce from the very beginning of the story. The idea of the girl waking up in the alley with no memory of how she got there and with injuries is very interesting. It was very well done. There were a lot of grammatical errors that need to be fixed though. I think t...

Alex Reltin: This is a great story! I love how well you go into detail and emotions of Capri, and Mel. You have amazing dialogue and overall it's just a thrill to read!The only critique I could find is that some of the paragraphs should be separated. For example:-"If Nia would have just let me take the car an...

Deleted User: You put a lot of effort into this story, and in some places the detail is lovely. The beginning is really good. There is a lot of good detail in the first paragraphs. I get a good feel for his confusion.But I am lost in the back story. I have no idea where this is going. Perhaps mention someone y...

Girl on Fire: Great story, line Alex!!!It really has a edge on it. It put me on edge with its thrill. Can't wait to read the rest.!!!

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."