There are over 30,000 suicide attempts a day.
Half of them fail.
I wasn't one of the lucky ones, I didn't survive my suicide.
No one would've survived cuts to the wrist and sleeping pills, anyways. You're probably thinking that suicide is the way to a better place, I'm here to tell you that it is not. I arrived somewhere in between. Someplace and nowhere if that makes sense, nothing exists there, it's complete darkness.
When you off yourself he'll be waiting, he will go by the name of Oliver, he will have no eyes, just gaping black holes. He will be tall, he will smell of rotting flesh and barbecue, try not to be impolite, don't gag. He will begin to speak to you, and explain what is happening.
"You're number 2,211. This is the void, and I am here to speak to you." He will pause and look to you and begin to walk with you.
Your mind will be jumbled, you will be very confused, what does the number mean? Who is he? don't worry he will explain it.
"You're given a number when your life ends by your doing, you're the 2,211 person to commit suicide today. It gets very difficult to keep track of souls so we attach a number to you, I am more of a gatekeeper if you will. Some call me the Devil, others may call me the crossroad demon but I can assure you those are just names." He will wink at you and put his arm around you tightly.
"You see, when humans such as yourself commit suicide you disrupt the natural order of things. There is such a thing as Fate and she works very, very hard to keep things in order for the Universe. When someone disrupts the natural order by killing themselves, they are sent here. Fate is what keeps earth from falling into despair, if fate didn't do her job humans would be everywhere, and the cycle of souls would be overwhelming."
He will pause and face you, you will try to look away but he will grab your face by your chin and force you to look at him. Whatever you do, do not look into his 'eyes'. I repeat, do NOT look into his eyes, you cannot look away once you expose yourself to him. You will need to close your eyes tight. When you do this he will ask you a simple question;
"Live or die?"
Do not answer him right away, this is a tricky question. You will want to go back to your human life, fear will claw at you and you will want to get away. Do not answer him out of fear, you will need to calm yourself and ask him this question;
"Which would you choose?"
He will be surprised at first then proceed to explain to you the pros and cons of life and death; "Why, why aren't you a saucy little thing. Life is a gift, every soul has a chance at life you see. You learn new things, you experience pain and love, it builds you. Your soul needs to expand, Earth is a scary place, it can either ruin a soul or build a soul but it all depends on that one soul. Earth will try to tear you apart, you will experience torture, pleasure, and hate. You cannot give in to the hate, if you do your soul will become tainted and you will become rotten from the inside out. But.. if you choose to love, your soul will flourish and you will evolve into something much greater. Every soul should strive to be as pure as they can be."
He will clear his throat and give you a twisted smirk before speaking the rest, "Now, if you choose death you would be very welcomed to Hell. Hell is not what you think it is, it is true that the damned do stay there and that there are many tortured souls, but you would not stay there permanently, you can think of it as a short pit-stop if you will. Souls go through tests to determine if they get reincarnated, go to paradise or stay in Hell. The tests are to see how pure your soul is, if your soul isn't pure enough you will stay in Hell and rot. That is why humans need to live, they need a chance at bettering themselves. You may think these rules only apply to suicidal humans, they don't. But only suicidal humans get the chance at redemption, they get to choose to live again."
He will take a step back to let you soak in all of the information, don't make any rash decisions. You will need to think on everything he has said, is your soul pure? Will you take the chance of burning in Hell?
I know I didn't, my soul was the furthest thing from "pure". I knew the best decision for me was to come back and to make myself better, pure.
I felt his cold stare on me, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out of there;
"I-I" I stumbled for words trying to keep my composure as calm as I could.
"Don't worry my dear, I already know." He grabbed a hold of my wrist with his left hand and my neck with his right.
"You will go back to your life, you will keep this memory of our time together. But you will always see me, and you will have a reminder of me." He gave me one last smirk as I felt an overwhelming burning sensation on my wrist, I couldn't help but let out a yelp of pain.
Coming back may seem like the best decision but trust me, it has its downfalls. Your life will be invaded by the devil every. single. day. it might be a nightmare, it may be a quick glimpse of him in the crowd, seeing his face tortures me. I wish I would've stayed dead, I wish I was crazy, I really do. But he won't let me forget, ingrained on my wrist is the reminder he left me;