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Barry Potter : Phil Osafa's Stoned

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A humorous retelling for a different era. Who is Phil Osafa? And who is trying to steal the legendary grindarock? Professor Carbolic's Defence against the Dark and Dirty... mainly Dirty Arts, may not be enough to repel the threat, although, a marmite, seaweed, bleach, and garlic concoction isn't a bad way to try. Barry's uncles, Vermont and Patrice, are petrified of all things magical (they don't mind the tax avoidance part so much) and try everything to stop him from taking his rightful place at Pigsnorts School of Wizardry, Witchery, and Judicial Evasion. With the help of wild, magical giant, Rumorous Haggard, he begins to learn of a world beyond Muddledom. New friends, Don Wheezeasy, Penelope Perfect, and Hermainly Grunger join him, lifting his spirits (Breville Shortass being more of a dampener) and an incredible adventure is about to begin!

Humor / Fantasy
Chris Whyatt
Age Rating:

Foreword/Strange Beasts

To all writers of familiar fantasy using previously tried and tested ideas, situations, characters, and stereotypical dwellings. Only the names change. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reinvent this onefor the pleasure of a different mindset.

Strange Beasts and How to Avoid Them*

In a magical world, anything is possible.

In a normal world, the extraordinary is highly unlikely. Hence, vastly more probable…

You’ll believe an emu can fly great distances.

You’ll believe it can rain frogs.

You’ll believe that a dragon guards the vaults.

You’ll believe that a woman (admittedly, a stern-faced woman) can morph into a wildebeest.

You’ll believe that a mangy cat can morph into a scantily clad seductress… who also makes a very nice brew.

You’ll believe in a mythical bird. A mythical bird who has returned, not so much from the ashes, but quite possibly the pub.

But! This is just a fantasy book—not a book of miracles. So please, don’t for one minute believe that Michael Halibut (met. hon. pub. nme.) can forecast the weather.

*Keep away from Whittlespoon public houses. Especially the one in Norm Alley.

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