Growing up, l always had a keen, deep seated and persistent wish to look like my adorable sister. I wished I could get the same heart-warming compliments and consistent attention as she did. Her beauty got her privileges, which were denied to me - in more instances than l could exhaustively count. Even our parents would bluntly affirm that she is prettier than I and even taunt me that I should get my skin bleached as soon as I get my first paycheque! My skin is really dark and one would have a hard time spotting me in the dark! They even said I should become more conscious of my eating habits and stop eating like a pig because I was gaining weight in a despicable and disgusting way.
I vividly remember one day when I was in town with my mother. Her colleague came to greet us and she was conspicuously amazed at my unique beauty. She just stood there, mouth agape and eyes wide open as if she was seeing a black Angel. For the first time my heart did a victory dance, albeit, a short lived one, for I could not believe what my mother audaciously said to the lady!! She said “Hay ma’am what is beautiful to this thing? You should see her younger sister - she is the definition of beauty.” A chocking lump grew in my throat, I could not even pretend to smile. I needed to talk to myself; I needed to get lost in my head; I needed to tell myself it was ok... so I told mom I wanted to go home, giving the excuse that I had a homework to do.
People say home is where you find warmth and unconditional love. I wish I can concur, but the saying doesn’t apply to me. For me, home is hell, it’s like I didn’t belong here because both my parents are light skinned and so is my sister. Sometimes I even doubt if I am their biological child, but there are pictures of me when I was a toddler and when my mother was pregnant with me which are indisputable proof that l am indeed their child.
I am very reticent, but my reticence emanates from low self-esteem and lack of confidence, I know I’m not pleasant so I don’t want to attract any attention to myself. There is only one thing that keeps me sane: writing. I love to put my thoughts and emotions on paper so that they can save my soul one day.