Pranks, Pajamas and Pretty Bad Puns

By Ava Lindsay All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Romance

Blurb

Charlotte Ridgewood's life revolves around three things; pranks, pajamas and pretty bad puns. And on April Fools Day, she's the master of it all. The pranks, the pajamas and the pretty bad puns. She expects it all. But what she doesn't expect is to slam a pie full of red food colored yogurt and rotten cheese into the face Northview High's most notorious legend. Jackson Anderson. And he's out to get her. With pranks, pajamas and pretty bad puns.

Hell is wallpapered with all your deleted selfies

I tapped the end of my pencil on the wooden desk and stared outside the window. That tree looks so much more interesting than the lesson Mr Reynolds was teaching right now.

This always happens when I’m in Chemistry. The bark of that mouldy tree outside looks like it’s having more fun than I am at this very moment.

I’ve always sucked at Chemistry. I mean how the hell does a type of paper tell how acidic a solution is?

“Miss Ridgewood, could you kindly tell us what we are learning about today?” Mr Reynolds asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Chemistry?” I shrugged. Although it came out like a question.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him grit his teeth in annoyance. I rolled my eyes and started banging my ruler against the edge of the table.

“Miss Ridgewood, would you like it if I banged you on the table?” He said, sounding pretty angry.

The class froze as I puckered my eyebrows. What did I say? Eventually, the class erupted into fits of giggles and guffaws. I stared into space as I sat frozen.

I frowned as the class stared at him with wide eyes. He quickly repositioned himself and got back to the board.

“No, Miss Ridgewood, we are not learning about Chemistry,” Mr Reynolds said, answering my previous statement.

“Then what?” I snorted. I wasn’t usually this rude to a teacher. I just felt moody.

“I was talking about an upcoming competition,” he replied. The class became silent before he started again. “Anyone have any guesses?”

A hand shot up in the air quicker than lightning and consequently all heads turned in that direction.

Jamie Lynch. One of my best buddies. He was a really clever shithead. His head was literally full of clever shit. And he was one heck of a smartass.

“Yes, Mr Lynch?” Mr Reynolds asked, with a bored tone, that said he’d rather baptise a cat than be here right now.

“The Science Games,” Jamie said proudly. I rolled my eyes for the second time in this class.

“Very good, Jamie,”

Jamie beamed with pride and gave a cocky grin at me. I shook my head and averted my eyes to the teacher.

“The Science Games are a tradition held at Westview High every four years,” Mr Reynolds announced. The class all shot up their heads instantly as he went on. I rolled my eyes and slumped back even further in my seat.

“Five students are chosen, at random, every time. There will be three extremely challenging tasks to complete and remember, there is only one winner,”

“Yeah, Good luck with that,” I mumbled. Unfortunately, Mr Reynolds seemed to have supersonic hearing powers.

“Excuse me, Miss Ridgewood?” He asked, his cold eyes glaring at me.

“I said, good luck for the competitors... Cause they’ll need it...yeah...”

He shook his head. “All the competitors will be picked out from this tin,” He said, holding up a tin that looked like it was used to store baked beans.

“I’ve added everyone’s name in here. If you’re chosen, you can’t back out,”

I gritted my teeth. Can this guy get a move on already?

“So here goes,” Mr Reynolds said, trying to imitate an eerie vice but it came out as if a cat was being strangled.

The guy in front of me started doing a drum roll on the table. I joined him by hitting the table hardly with my fingers.

Mr Reynolds dug his hand in the can and grabbed out a piece of crumpled white paper. Everyone held their breath so I copied them and ended up choking on my breath. Don’t ask me how I did that. Because I don’t know.

The class all looked at me with a blank look on their faces.

Mr Reynolds unfolded the paper and read out the name that was written in the paper.

“Amanda Zhong,” he read out. I heard a gasp from behind me. I looked around to see a short and plump girl squealing in excitement. She had auburn hair and was around 4′5". Her face turned bright red as she got up and waddled to the front of the classroom.

“Congrats, Amanda,” the teacher congratulated. Amanda let out another squeal and walked back to her place.

Mr Reynolds dug his hand into the tin again and pulled out another name.

“Jamie Lynch,” he called. My smile widened and I clapped loudly for Jamie. Jamie was great at Science!

Jamie walked to the front with a creepy smile plastered on his face. It weirded me out.

“Jackson ,”

I groaned. Jackson was one of the scariest guys at school. With his killer eyes or deathly glares, people speak some pretty bad rumours about him. Apparently, he once humped a tree. Didn’t he get splinters in his...dingaling?

He never attended class. He was always with his best friend, Logan. Jackson entered the classroom somehow and took the paper. He was like hot. But scary hot. Like psycho ‘I’m gonna strangle the sanity out if you’ hot. I heard whispers go around the class as soon as he left the classroom. He was always grumpy every time I saw him.

“Freya Waters,”

To put it easily, Freya was a bitch. She acted like she owned the damn school and she snagged off her father’s money. She was incredibly spoilt and she was a real meanie. She once stole my cupcake because I had a woman fajita...down there. I told her to suck a chair leg but by the smirk she was giving me, I guessed she had already tried it.

She strutted to the front, swaying her hips a little too much. She took the piece of paper and chucked it in the bin. Her mess of black hair bobbed around as she took a seat. Weird.

“Now for the last competitor,” Mr Reynolds said.

“Oooh!” a shriek came from beside me. I turned my head to come face to face with Sandra Drahe. She was my partner in Chemistry and she annoyed the heck outta me. I felt like strangling that invisible neck of hers and stuffing a used tampon down her throat.

I must be on my period. I’m not usually this violent. I swear.

“Hey, Charlotte. I look ugly today. Can you give me a compliment?” She squealed.

“You have perfect eyesight,” I gritted out, rubbing my temples, vigorously.

Yup, I’m definitely on my period.

“I was thinking of something more...kind. But obviously you and kindness don’t go together,” she spitted.

“A thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey,” I replied, shaking my head.

“Just compliment me!” she said, exasperation clear in her voice.

“I love what you’ve done with your hair! How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?”

“Ugh!”

“Hey, wanna hear a joke?” I asked her.

“Fine,” she sighed. “I’m going to regret this..”

“What’s the difference between you and a walrus?”

She narrowed her eyes and me before replying. “What?”

“One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus,”

I heard her gasp and frown at me. Then, she turned back her gaze back to Mr Reynolds.

“The final contestant is...” a drum roll began in the class. I joined in cause I had nothing better to do. A smirk consumed his face. He looked at me with an evil glint in his eyes. Oh no. I didn’t like what was going on.

“Charlotte Ridgewood,” he smiled, happily.

I froze. Should have seen that coming. I plastered a fake smile on my face and got up. I dragged my feet somehow to the front of the classroom. I snatched the paper out of Mr Reynolds’ hands and trudged back. I looked at Jamie who also had an evil glint in his eyes. Everyone hates me.

I muttered a few cuss words under my breath before taking a seat next to Sandra.

“Yay for you!” she shrieked. I turned at gave her a blank look.

“Go to hell,” I grumbled.

“I’m too hot for hell,” she sassed.

“Please, Hell is wallpapered with all your deleted selfies,” I hissed.

She gasped again before smacking me with her book.

“Stop being so rude! Are you on your period or something?”

I looked at her and gave a fake smile. “Honey, I started my day by waking up in a pool of my own blood. Is that how you’d like me to end yours?”

She gulped and stared at me with wide eyes. I gave her a cocky grin and went back to staring at the piece of paper in my hand.

“So now we have all out contestants, I can tell you what the three tasks will be about,”

God, Mr Reynolds is starting to sound like Dumbledore talking about the Triwizard Tournament.

Yeah, I’m a Harry Potter fan. Sue me.

“Chemistry, Biology and Physics,” he continued.

I groaned. I’m going to fail at Chemistry. No doubt.

“Miss Ridgewood, can you see me after class?”

My head shot up to meet his evil eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows and gave him a stiff nod. What did he want? One of my pet rocks from my rock collection? A dose of paracetamol for his man period? Oh my god, is Mr Reynolds on his man period? Is there such thing as a man period? Can you poop out chewing gum?

So many unanswered questions.

“I wonder what Mr Reynolds wants with you,” Sandra said, giving me a look full of disgust.

“Maybe he wants to tell me about the alien species that sits next to me in his class,”

Sandra looked around and her eyes widened when she realized what I was talking about.

“Hey!”

I gave her an innocent look.

“Why are you so ugly?” she asked, finally. I saw a vein popping out of her forehead. man, she must be angry.

“I’m you from the future,” I replied.

“You’re such a bitch! Can you be nice for one second? All you do is yap yap yap at me! Can you just compliment me? Just cause I call you ugly and dumb doesn’t mean you can retaliate back! I’m more popular than you! Just cause your dad is one of the most influential men in the history of time and your mother is a fashion model and basically your whole family is loaded, that doesn’t mean you get to act like a bitch, you white little hoe! Fuck you and your family. Go die! Fuck a tree and then hump a rabbit. Then have anal sex with Humpty Dumpty and then suck on Snape’s dick!”

Then...

I yawned.

She gave a glare. A death glare.

“Please, carry on. I always yawn when I’m interested,”


“So what you’re saying is that I need a tutor?!” I asked Mr Reynolds frantically.

“Yes, Miss Ridgewood. You need a tutor,” he replied, calmly.

“Hell to the no! You think I’m that dumb?”

“No, you are only lacking knowledge in Chemistry,” he replied, taking out some papers from his bag.

“Pfft..no. I’m doing fine,” I scoffed. I can win the Science Games without the help of a tutor.

“You grades are lacking. You should arise them in a fortnight,”

“Speak English!”

“I’m saying that you’re failing Chemistry, Miss Ridgewood.”

“No I’m fine!” I scoffed. Mr Reynolds held out the recent test I had done on Chemistry. A big fat C- was sprawled over the paper.

“That was a mistake. I was having a bad day...” I trailed off at the stern glare Mr Reynolds was giving me. “Actually...never mind. I’ll have a tutor,” I laughed, sheepishly. I scratched the back of my neck.

“So...er...who’s my tutor?” I asked, nervously.

“Mr Anderson,” he replied, the stern look on his face never leaving him.

“You mean-”

“Yes, Jackson Anderson. The one and only,” he replied.

“Oh,”

Wasn’t he my rival? What the hell? How can someone, who I am supposed to be competing against, tutor me? Shouldn’t it be illegal?

“But isn’t he my r-”

“Yes, Miss Ridgewood he is your rival. But I’ve made an exception.” he said, giving me a wink before going back to marking a paper.

“Uh. Okay. Whatever,”

He gave me a smile. “You can go now,”

“Okay,”

“Have a nice day, Miss Ridgewood,”

“Okay,”

“And ask Jackson about tutoring some time this week. The games are only in 6 weeks,”

“Okay,”

And with that, I walked out of the classroom.

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