Pranks, Pajamas and Pretty Bad Puns

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I put the 'hot' in psychotic

“Nooooooo! Please don’t do this to me! I’ll suffer! I’ll die! I’ll starve!” I cried, begging for mercy.

Madeline rolled her eyes and entered the kitchen.

“You’re psychotic,” she said.

“I put the hot in psychotic, lady!”

“Whatever,”

“Your tearing away my soul, you monster!” I said, falling to the floor on my knees.

“I have to do what I have to do, Charlotte,”

“You can’t disconnect the WiFi! It’s like illegal!”

She shot me a blank look. “You have to get outside more, you’ll turn into a flabby elephant if you coop yourself inside all day! It’s April! Summer!” She convinced.

I muttered profanities under my breath as I headed out of the house and sat down on the freshly mown lawn.

“What a beautiful bird,” I sighed, dreamily as a bird flew past me.

“That is ladybug,” a man said, his voice laced with a thick Russian accent.

I turned around to see a familiar face.

“Ivan,” I hissed. You see, Ivan and my dad go a long way back. And somehow they ended up as arch enemies.

“I not seen you in ages, Charlotte,” he snarled. Ivan was a large man with greying hair.

“Yo, Reggie in da house, bruh!” Reginald said, swooping in and smiling at me.

Reginald was Ivan’s sidekick. He may be a grown man but he had the brain of a 5 year old.

“I have news for you,” Ivan said, ignoring Reginald’s presence.

“Which is?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“I want you to meet daughter Poel,” Ivan said.

“Hello, pole,” I waved at the metal pole a few meters away.

“Stupid little girl,” he muttered. “I mean, her,” he said, pointing at a girl in the distance. I squinted my eyes to get a better look.

“Woah,” I commented. This girl was like the epitome of pretty. “She looks nice,”

“She is daughter after all, I am father.” He said, smirking.

I shrugged.

All of a sudden, Reggie appeared again, stumbling to the floor. “You good, Reg?” Ivan asked.

“Fur..foot..lick..” Reggie panted.

“Huh?” Ivan said, confuzzled.

“I think he’s asking you to lick the fur on his foot,” I said.

Ivan gave me a blank look.

“That dog is some type of effing hooligan, brah!” Reggie screamed, jumping up on his two feet.

“You no look good, Reg,” Ivan said.

“Yeah, you no look good,” I repeated.

Ivan looked at me. “You talk weird,” he stated.

“What..you just-“I cut myself off. “-nevermind,”

“Anyway, we have work to do, meet you later, Charlotte,” Ivan said.

“See ya, bruh!” Reggie said.

“Err...yeah...bye...” I trailed off, scratching my head. “..I’ll just go...”

And that’s exactly what I did.


“Hey, Madeline ca-”

“No, Charlotte, you cannot have the WiFi password,” Madeline stated.

Suddenly, Caleb walked into the room. “Hey darling, ca-”

“No, Caleb you cannot buy a stink bomb and explode it in Charlottes room,” Madeline said.

Caleb groaned and left the room.

Suddenly, Travis entered the room. “Hey Mads, c-”

“No, Travis, you cannot buy a rotten cake and stick it in Charlottes bed,”

Travis pouted and left the room.

Suddenly, Brittany entered the room. “Madeline, I’m g-”

“No, you will not stick your tampon in Charlottes breakfast tomorrow morning,”

Brittany scowled at Madeline and left the room.

Suddenly, Stephanie entered the room. “Madeline, I-”

“Sorry, Mrs Ridgewood, but you can’t shave off Charlottes hair,”

Stephanie rolled her eyes and left.

Suddenly, Caleb entered again. “Can I-”

“No, you may not murder Charlotte,”

“Fine,” he groaned and left.

Wow, my family sure love me.

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