Pranks, Pajamas and Pretty Bad Puns

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I would unplug your life support to charge my phone

“My brother lives here?!” I asked, in amazement as I looked at the magnificent apartment that lay before my very eyes. It was as twice as big as our mansion.

“Yup,” Jesse smiled down at me.

“So...er...I have a dick,”

“Really?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Haha...fooled you! Happy April Fools!” I laughed, nervously.

He shook his head. “Definitely one of a kind,”

“Your face is one of a kind,”

I stopped. Did I really just say that? *facepalm*

“Isn’t your mansion as big as this?” Jesse asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

“Well, the proper one in England is like 20 times the size of this and not to mention is armed full of security guards who look like they’re about to murder Donald Trump,” I said, shaping my fingers into a gun shape and firing. Jesse chuckled and escorted me into the building.

“I have the perfect prank for my brother,” I said to Jesse as he placed his palm on my back and pushed me forward.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I have a pie in my bag and-”

“You have a pie in your bag!?” Jesse asked, as his eyes widened.

“Yup, and it’s full of food coloured expired yoghurt and stinky cheese!”

“Ew,”

“I know right! It’ll serve him right for drowning me in root beer last year. It took ages to come off,” I sighed, as I remembered the terrible memory.

“My family is pretty normal compared to yours. I mean no rich multimillionaire father or evil stepmother who sluts off or dead mother-” he cut himself off as he saw my pained expression. “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorr-”

“It’s okay,” I said, straining a smile.

It was true that my mum died two years ago due to cancer and my dad married again to a famous model who like half his age. Stephanie Le beau got married to my dad a year ago and I can tell you she hates my guts.

I was happy that dad found someone to love like mum but all Stephanie was doing was snogging off my dad’s money. And that was not okay. I tried to tell dad but Stephanie would always give me her worst death glares. I did tell dad once but he never believed me. He said I’m just sad about mum leaving. I mean, I was. I was depression. I felt sick and lonely and sometimes I even used to self-harm. But Travis and Caleb found out so they used to take turns and help me enjoy life. I finally got out of depression about a year ago when my dad remarried and after Stephanie Le beau and her ‘no good daughter’ Brittany moved in, Caleb went off to live with his wife and Travis got a job abroad. And by job I mean stripper. And after they left I was left all alone so I decided to make the most of my life and I’m back to that stupid carefree human I am. If I am a human. What if I’m not a human? What if I’m an alien?

“Am I an alien?” I asked nothing particularly. When I realised Jesse was behind me I did made a weird face.

“I don’t think so,” he replied, unsure.

“Aww. I really wanted to be an alien. Then I can destroy Travis without getting in trouble,” I whined.

“Ok, cupcake, get in the elevator,” he said, steering me into the elevator. I got in and Jesse pressed the button. Another figure entered the elevator but the elevator was too dark to see who it was.

“I’m not a cupcake. I’m an alien. No wait! I’m a cactus. Actually...no! I’m not a cactus because that means Jackson would hump me. Ew!!!!” I said, distastefully. A pair of green eyes glared back at me.

Oh my chicken mcnoodles! What in the world on cacti is Jackson Anderson doing here?!

I slowly nudged Jesse in the rib cage.

“Oww,” he whined, rubbing his side with his hands. “What was that for?”

Jackson’s green eyes stared at me. I gulped.

“Errr....why is he here?” I said, slyly pointing at Jackson.

“Him?” Jesse whispered. I nodded. “Oh, yeah, Jackson lives in this apartment,”

I love my life.

Seriously, I’m in love. I don’t think life get’s any better than this.

“He’s also your brother’s neighbour,”

“Cool...wait...WHAT!?” I said, doing a double take. Life doesn’t get better. It gets worse. And by worse I mean WORSE. “Gagggh! Arrgh! Pofghe! Burghhere! I want a burger! Arggh! Poffher! Butthole!”

Jesse looked down at me. “All I heard is butthole and that you want a burger,”

Er...

“What? I didn’t say I need a burger...,” I scoffed. “... I said I need a murderer,”

Jackson’s lips curled a little into a devilish smirk. Uh oh.

“I didn’t mean it. I just meant that I need a murderer-” I cut myself off as Jackson looked up at me with pure evil glinting in his eyes. I took a long and hard gulp as I looked down.

Ping!

I sighed in relief as the elevator’s doors opened and we all left. I was in front with Jesse right behind me and Jackson not far behind.

“I’ll show you to your room,” Jesse said, smiling.

“YES PLEASE! I LOVE YOU! I MEAN I LOVE YOUR...hair...yeah...I LOVE YOUR HAIR! IT’S SO...pretty?” I smiled, widely. I jumped on the stranger I met in the bus and gave it a big bear hug.

“You’re....choking...me...” he wheezed out. My smile dropped as I let go and looked at his panting figure.

“Er...sorry?” I said, but it came out as more of a question.

“Whatever, now let’s go cupcake,” he said, dragging me along the corridor. I smiled weirdly as we came to a door.

“Door number 15,” I read out.

“Yep, and there’s Jackson’s room,” Jesse pointed out. I turned around and saw Jackson staring at me, narrowing his eyes as he fit the key in the hole. He wiggled it around until he stuck it in there. It looked too big for the hole.

Hehehehe. Too big for the hole. Hehehehe.

“Let me get my pie out,” I said as I dug my hand in bag. I pulled out the pie and set it in my hand. I looked at Jackson struggling with the key. I held back the giggle that was forcing to come out. The big bad boy of Westview High can’t open his door!

I knocked on my brother’s door and held the pie out ready for when he opens it. Suddenly, the door made a sound from the other side. My smile widened as I took a step forward. My foot got stuck behind the cactus plant on the floor.

Wait...cactus plant? Oh right, Jackson was probably getting ready to hump it.

I tripped and my body and the pie went sideways. Jesse had a delayed reaction and reached out to grab me. I slipped out of his grip and the pie went hurling forward into someone’s face. I feel on the floor and looked up to see 3 pairs of eyes.

Jesse looked worried, my brother looked amused and Jackson-

Jackson had face full of expired yogurt and stinky cheese with a side of anger and downright hatred.

Uh oh.

And then you know what I did?

I ran.

I flee.

I escaped that ravenous beast.

Who remembers that story? I do.

Urgh! That’s totally off topic! Dammit!

I ran into my brother’s block and locked the door.

I looked up as I panted out of breath. My brother smirked at me.

“Woah. A terrific way to greet your brother, you know, cover the neighbour in an April Fools pie,” he grinned. I gritted my teeth and got up. I brushed off the pie crumbs and looked at him.

“I hate you,”

“You loveeeee me,” he smiled at me.

“Okay, I don’t hate you. But I would unplug your life support to charge my phone,” I smiled at him in a sickly sweet voice.

“Whatever, adiós bichos,” he said. I frowned.

“You’re leaving? I just got here!”

“Madeline’s in the kitchen. She made some cookies for you,”

I nodded as Caleb left the room and I groaned. I’ll never look at cookies the same way again. And if you hadn’t realised Madeline was Caleb wife and she was really kind. She’s two months pregnant and she makes the best cookies.

Well, not better than grandma.

Grandma’s cookies always have been and always will be the best.

GO GRANDMA!

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