Pranks, Pajamas and Pretty Bad Puns

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What in the name of flying lemurs is an alkali?

“Miss Ridgewood, have you asked Jackson about tutoring yet?” Mr Reynolds, the stupid dingbat of a teacher said.

I froze as the others rushed out of the chemistry classroom. I turned around and gave Mr Reynolds a forced smile.I looked back at the door and gave it a longing look.

So close...yet so far....

I turned back to Mr Reynolds and walked over to him. “I did ask him,” I told him.

Mr Reynolds shot up an eyebrow. “Really? What happened?”

Well, for starters, I splattered his face in milk and cookies and invaded his personal space and-

“He said no,” I dead-panned.

Mr Reynolds gave me a knowing look as if telling me that he knew I was lying.

Pffffft.

When do I, Charlotte Ridgewood, daughter of a world famous business man and snobby step-mother, ever lie?

Who am I kidding?

I haven’t even told Alyssa, Layla and Connor about me being the Science Games.

“Er..well...he didn’t really say anything...” I trailed off.

“Oh really? Then maybe I should accompany you today, after school, so we can both talk to him,”

Nuh-uh. Never. Nope. No way.

“No,” I said, expressionless.

“I’ll take that as a yes, Miss Ridgewood. See you after school by the basement,”

Bruh.


“Which branch of Science are you doing?” Leo, the annoying person who comes on the bus home with me, asked as he sat down in a chair, beside me in the cafeteria.

It was now lunchtime and I had been staring at the wall for over 15 minutes now. Alyssa kept going on about how Mr Reynolds had possessed me to do his bidding.

I hate Mr Reynolds.

That son of a bicycle.

“I’M DOING FLIPPING CHEMISTRY! I MEAN WHAT IN THE NAME OF FLYING LEMURS IS AN ALKALI? HUH? AND WHAT THE FUDGECAKE ARE ATOMS AND NEUTRONS AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PERIODIC TABLE! AND EVEN WORSE! I MET A GUY WHO WANTS TO KILL ME, NOT TO MENTION HIS CRAZY ASS FRIENDS! AND I’M BLEEDING FROM MY MOTHER TRUCKING VAGINA! MY LIFE IS SO...weird,” I yelled at the top of my voice. I banged my fists on the table and hissed at the pain. I swear steam was escaping through my nose.

Alyssa put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

“Don’t worry, Leo. She normally gets into bitch mode on her period. Last month she started yelling at a bar of soap because it didn’t sing a Melanie Martinez song with her,” Alyssa said, still keeping her hand in my shoulder.

“You’re weird,” Connor added. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I’m not weird. I’m just disorientated in parts of my body,” I said, glaring at Connor.

“Which is her brain, by the way,” Connor snickered. I was this close to snapping off his skinny little neck...

Huh, is this what Jackson feels like when he’s practically strangling me to death?

Wait, why are you even thinking about Jackson, dammit!

“She tends to bite off more than she can chew,” Alyssa added.

“It’s true! Yesterday she stuffed three dozen sausages in her mouth and started choking to death,” Layla dead-panned.

Ugh.

“Er...well...see you later...bye Charlotte!” He said, before running for his life.

“Man, he is so totally into you,” Alyssa said, nudging me playfully.

“No way. The only reason Leo annoys me is because he’s a boob,”

“A boob?” Connor asked on bewilderment.

“Yup,”

“Okay...”

“Yup,”

“Well...”

“Yup,”

“Bye!” Connor said, before tugging Layla along with him and running somewhere far away.

Wait.

Are all these people running away from me?

Finally, bitch! You do have a brain!

Not you again.

What do you mean?

When you nod your head yes but you wanna say no, what do you m-

“See ya later, Char,” Alyssa said, before leaving me.

I turned around to see Logan, Derek and Ethan with amusement written all over their face and Jackson still looked bored and expressionless, as always.

Frickle Frackle my life.


“Ready?” Mr Reynolds asked me as we stood in front of the gateway to hell.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,”

“Okay. Knock,”

“Alright,”

I lifted my fist and gently knocked on the school basement door.

It was now after school and I met up with Mr stinking Reynolds.

Seriously, he smelt like Gatorade.

The door opened to reveal a shirtless Derek.

Holy mother of oranges.

Derek had a well defined 6 pack of abs. His hair was swept in other directions and damn- he looked sexy.

“Put a shirt on Derek,” Mr Reynolds glared at Derek. Derek rolled his eyes but went into one of the rooms to change anyway. “And tell Jackson to come here,” he ordered. Derek nodded and left the room.

A few minutes later, Jackson entered the room with his classic expressionless face. His eyes looked empty and a little....sad?

Wait.

Am I seeing properly?

Do I need glasses?

Is the famous Jackson Anderson actually....sad?

BAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I shouldn’t be happy, should I?

“Mr Anderson,” Mr Reynolds greeted. Jackson looked up and looked over me quickly before averting his eyes to Mr Reynolds. He gave a stiff nod to him telling Mr Reynolds to continue.

“Tutor Miss Ridgewood for the upcoming Science Games,” he said sternly. Jackson looked deep in in thought until it looked like he had finally come to a conclusion.

“OK,” he stated simply.

Huh?

“Very well. Come to out lesson tomorrow and see all of Charlotte’s strengths and weaknesses. You can then decide what to do with her.

“Fine,”

“Have a nice day, Anderson,” Mr Reynolds said, before leaving me and Jackson alone in the room.

Excuse me, but what kind of sorcery is this?

“LOTTIE!” a voice squealed from behind me. I turned around and saw Logan smiling like a freak.

“MARSHMALLOW!” I squealed back. We both started running at each other in slow motion like they do in movies.

“Loooottttiiiieee!” he dragged out, flinging his arms out slowly.

“Maaaaarrrrrsssssshhhhhhhhmmmmmaaaaaallllllloooooooowwwwwwww!”

We both collided and fell to the ground with a thump. Derek came back into the room and started snorting with laughter.

He bent over while clutching his tummy to stop his horrible laughing.

I narrowed my eyes at him and got up. I brushed out the dust without leaving my glare on him. “Shut up Buttface,”

He stopped laughing immediately and looked at me. “Buttface?”

“Yeah. I have names for all of you. Logan is Marshmallow because he’s so cute and fluffy and I just want to squish his cheeks. You’re Buttface cause your face looks like a butt and your ego is practically shoved up your ass. Ethan is Silent Creeper because he’s a silent creeper and Jackson is...um....er...Lemonass,”

“Lemonass?”

“Yeah, because as sour as a lemon and an ass,”

Jackson shot me a glare but I’m so bloody tired of him bossing me around and him trying to kill me.

“Let’s go out!”

“Are you asking us out on a date? Cause you should know, we can get to the sexy bit fir-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, buttface!” I warned him. Derek shrunk back and looked at me as if I was some freak.

Well, he isn’t wrong...

Shut up!

“Leggo to the zoo!” I whined, pouting like a baby.

Jackson rolled his eyes as Logan let out a loud ‘awww’ as he picked me up and cradled me like a baby.

“So we are going to the zoo?” I grin at them. They all groaned. I’ll take that as a yes.

I’m going to the zoo, baby!

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