Pranks, Pajamas and Pretty Bad Puns

All Rights Reserved ©

He’s gonna put his pickle in her jar!

“FUCK YOU!”

“DOUBLE FUCK YOU!”

“OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?”

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK!”

“OH YEAH? WELL, THE TOILET DOESN’T SEEM TO THINK SO!”

“KEEP THE TOILET OUTTA THIS!”

We were all in Jackson’s sexy black Mercedes and me and Derek we having a fight on which SpongeBob character was the best.

“ARE YOU SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW? PATRICK STAR SLAYS ALL, BABY!” I yelled.

“NUH-UH! SQUIDWARD IS ONE FINE PIECE OF MEAT. I MEAN LOOK AT THAT NOSE!” Derek yelled.

I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my mouth. It soon turned into a full on laughing session.

“Butt face! You’re funny!” I said, in between chuckles.

“Would you guys shut up?” Jackson growled from the steering wheel.

“No,” Derek and I replied in unison.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let go. You neeeeed to let it go. Nah to ah to the no no no. My name is no my sign is -”

“Shut the fuck up!” Jackson growled, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that you could see his knuckles going white.

“I remember when we broke up,the first time, Screaming this is it I’ve had enough, cause like. We haven’t seen each other in a mon-”

“Shut up!” Jackson growled again.

Definitely a werewolf.

“I’m in love with the shape of you! We push and pull like a magnet do-”

“Shut up!”

“And she said where do you wanna go? How much you wanna risk? I’m not looking for somebody with some su-”

“If you don’t close that pretty mouth of yours, I will personally chop it off with a pick axe and feed it to King Kong!” Jackson roared through gritted teeth.

Silence fell upon the car and no one dared to say a thing.

Anyone except me.

“How can a mouth be pretty?” I burst out.

No one replied.

I eyes Derek’s phone in his hand. I trailed my arm across his thigh and grabbed it in one swift movement.

“Hey!” Derek called.

I looked on the screen. He was on WhatsApp texting somebody.

Wait, why is he texting Logan if he’s legit in the same car?

People these days....

“Is this a group chat?” I asked Derek.

“Yup.”

I looked at the messages sent.

Big D: I fucked this really hot girl last night. That bitch really knows her stuff

LogDaBog: Ewwww. Don’t need to hear about the girls you banged, Derek.

BigD: Obviously, you do. I mean, I can give you a heads up.

JackieBoy: Fuck off, Derek and Logan.

BigD: Mind your fone.

BigD: **tone

LogDaBog: I just farted in Charlotte’s face.

BigD: Haha

LogDaBog: She’s crinkling her face!

Ethan: I think I have herpes

I looked up at Derek, amused.

“Who’s BigD?” I asked.

“Derek,” Logan replied.

“Who’s LogDaBog?”

“Logan,”

“JackieBoy?”

“Jackson. I forced him to do that,” Logan smiled.

“And Ethan is probably Ethan,”

“Yup. Spot on,”

Weirdos.

“Can we add you?” Logan asked, pouting.

“No,” Jackson said.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Logan replied, taking my phone from my pocket and entering my phone number.

LottieDaHottie has been added to the group.

LogDaBog: Yay! Charlie’s on the group now!

LottieDaHottie: Whatever, Marshmallow.

Like I said, weirdos.


“Are those giraffe’s humping each other?!” I asked, amusement lacing my tone.

When I got no response, I turned around to see no one behind me. I frowned. It’s like those situations in cartoons where tumbleweed blows across the screen.

“Hello?” I said out loud.

I tried to open the door of the giraffe cage but it was locked.

What the hell?

I was stuck in a giraffe cage with no food, water and two giraffes humping each other.

Life is great.

I checked my phone.

No signal.

“Why is life so dumb?” I whined out loud, stomping my foot on the ground.

“Uh, I’m going insane!” I whined again.

“Don’t worry. You’re just as sane as I am,” a voice said from behind me.

I turned around to see a girl who looked about a year or two older than me.

“Are you quoting Luna Lovegood?” I grinned at her. She returns the grin and sticks out a hand.

“I’m Keira Elizabeth Elliot,” she said.

“I’m Charlotte Ridgewood,”

“Nice to meet you, but can we please get the hell outta here?” She asked, frantically.

She was tall and skinny and had brown hair like me. Her eyes were a deep shade of blue. She reminded me of myself a bit.

“I like chicken!” She burst out, prancing around the chicken cage.

Huh?

“I like big butts and cans!” I shouted out, flapping my arms in the air.

“Shit,” a voice muttered from the bushes. I looked over to see a tall handsome guy who looked pretty familiar.

He got up and joined Keira’s side.

“Do I know you? You look familiar,” I pointed out at him. He chuckled.

“I’m Noah Anderson. I have a brother called Jackson Anderson,”

Well, I don’t know any Jackson’s.

Wait.

I do!

I do. I do. I di. I do. I do. I do.

“I know your brother,” I grin, creepily.


“Wait, so you somehow got trapped in a giraffe cage, met a weirdo names Keira and Jackson’s brother and you witnessed giraffe’s humping?” Derek asked, in amusement.

“Spot on,” I grin, playfully.

Me, Keira and Noah found a way to escape the giraffe enclosure. Turns out we weren’t really locked in.

The others had gone to get candy floss and I somehow ran off towards the giraffes.

What?

I’m in love with giraffes.

Well, I was.

Now that I witnessed them humping, I think I’ll lay off them for a while.

Who am I kidding?

I’m scarred for life.

Save my eyes! Oh the burn!

Me and the guys were all eating in some cheap restaurant. I swear the sandwiches were filled with sand.

I mean, why are they called sandwiches if they aren’t made out of sand?

Sounds stupid, to me.

“Mmmmm,” a horrible sound came from beside us. I turned around to see a young lady in a really short dress being butt abused by this 40 year old old pervert.

Except, the girl was enjoying it. Ewwww.

“Where is your mother?” I burst out.

The girl pulls away from the man and looks at me. She scans me and rolls her eyes.

“Whatever. Come one babe,” she moaned as she pulled the man’s tie and led him to another room.

“Wonder where they’re off to,” Derek smirked, as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“He’s gonna put his pickle in her jar!” I said.

Everyone turned to me with blank expressions.

“What?” Logan asked, clearly confused.

“He’s gonna stick his pickle in her jar,”

“What the hell, Charlotte?” Derek asked, bewildered.

“Meh. Don’t judge me,” I shrug before digging into my food.

Continue Reading Next Chapter

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.