Down at the tender end of the Palaeozoic, when the World was still in nappies and the Creator hardly grown out of his building blocks, He suddenly discovered sex. Vomiting forth the gods in His pubescent excitement, He tried it ... once - and then took early retirement for the rest of eternity to contemplate what would have been his navel if he’d had one. Sex, He found, was an over-rated pastime, although if He’d had the foresight to invent someone with whom to share the experience first it might have been a different story ... but then, nobody’s perfect and he might not have had such hairy hands.
Leaving a single pillar of rock holding it all together, he abandoned the gods to their own devices. They, not knowing what to make of it all, invented Man, lit the blue touch paper, and foolishly hung around to see what happened next.
In the later Holocene, when the world had made the worst of an indifferent, jerry-built job, it all began to fall apart …