Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
itsnotnatural would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Kurt the Kleptomaniac

By itsnotnatural All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Humor

Untitled Chapter

"A guy (Kurt) sits on a chair in a spotlight illuminating only him. Another spotlight illuminates another man (The Narrator) who stands at the side closer to the audience."

"Lights go up and it is revealed that the guy (Kurt) is in a group meeting arranged in a circle and that the other is not part of the scene so it is assumed that he is the narrator."

1st Man: ...And that is why I'm here.
Councillor: Okay, that went well. Anyone else? How about you, sir? Would you like to introduce yourself?
2nd man:Well, um... uh...
Narrator: Go ahead say it.
2nd man: M-my name is Kurt a-and I have a problem.
Everyone: Hi Kurt.
Narrator: Say hi to the audience Kurt.
"Kurt turns his head toward the crowd and says hi."
Councillor: What was that?
Kurt: N-nothing.
Councillor: What is the problem that warrants you coming here?
Kurt: Well umm... I-I steal stuff.
Councillor: Would you like to expand on that?
Kurt:Ummm...
Narrator: Say your a kleptomaniac.
Kurt: I'm a kleptomaniac. I steal stuff because I need to.
Councillor: Why do you need to?
Kurt: It's... It's an urgent feeling I get when I pass something I like. I feel like I need to have it.
Councillor: What do you steal?

"Scene freezes"

Narrator: Therein lies the problem. What does he steal? Of course stuff you normally wouldn't bother with. But they are not small things. Let me give you an example. Let's say he's visiting someone's house. He walks upstairs to use the washroom and he feels the banister in his hand. It feels nice and smooth. He looks down and to anyone else it's just a stick of wood you hold yourself up with but not to Kurt. To him it is a work of art as he inspects it, looks for details, enjoying the craftsmanship of it and ultimately... he gets overexcited about it. He tries to steal it immediately by ripping it off. He gets caught and kicked out of the house. So what's his problem? He's a kleptomaniac who steals big, useless things. You can imagine how that sits with his wife. Anyways, back to the scene.

Kurt: I take lots of things.
Councillor: Like...
Kurt: Like uh, let's see, ummm... doors, fences, windows, stair rails, uh... tabletops...

"Everyone looks at him slightly dumbfounded as he continues listing."

Kurt: And even a kitchen sink.
Councillor: Okay... thank you for that. Anyone else? No? Well then, I'll be seeing you all next week. Bye!
Narrator: Now, was that so bad?
Kurt: I guess not. It felt good.
Narrator: That's because it's supposed to.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, itsnotnatural
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

CurlyRed: I read this entire book in just under 4 hours I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN! i found myself emotionally attached to the characters and making personal connections that i had never experienced before while reading a book! I was constantly wanting to read more, every chapter left me on a cliff hanger tha...

RodRaglin: Your writing is very good, Rachel, but remember you also have to entertain the reader and in that regard it's a bit sparse in action and dialogue.Consider when revising...When starting a new story always consider your protagonist's Goal - what they want; Motivation - why they want it; and, Confli...

JulieJeanette: I'm only on chapter nine, but so far I am loving this story!. I am on pins and needles hoping that they find good men in their lives by the end. I am American and so the British tone and lingo ('knickers,' 'sod it' ) of the book is very appealing. I had to find out how much '12 stone' was by goog...

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

abygtan: Aside from the fact the book mentioned my bae percy this book is a whats-not-to-like kind of book I love the sass in this and the uniqueness it's just the type of book that keeps you crawling for more seriously I love this book go and check it out

Lacey Schmidt: The Trouble with Super is that you can't stop reading it. Mr. Barrett's characters are all to easy to relate to even if you don't have a super quirk of your own, and their plight is both heart-rendingly funny and heart-warmingly sad at the same time. It's a bit like Office Space meets the Matri...

Dinzy: I enjoyed this one and it made me wonder. What do you think about writing a sequel to this one. But the sequel could be called The Girlfriend Games. Just a thought. All in all it was entertaining.

sibyleisley: Right away, I was charmed by the characters in Nothing Between Us. Bella is fun to follow and SO easy to relate to, and Jace is the guy that you could spend 24/7 with and not get sick of him. And together, they're adorable and so right for each other. The writer did such a great job making me car...

mrh: This interesting take on the Harry Potter series fascinated me from line one on. I am in love with this tale and its characters and cannot wait to read the next chapter. I look forward to more soon.When can I expect the next chapter? I am so excited to read it!

More Recommendations

ank1983: I really enjoyed this story and I read through it quickly. I found it very entertaining and some of your scenes were very well written and descriptive. Every time a chapter ended I couldn't wait to start the next chapter. What girl hasn't fantasized over a cute teacher at school?! The story did...

Animeviewer: It is one of the best stories I've ever read. This story will have you riding a roller coaster of emotions and nearly dying to know what happens next.You will get very attached to the characters and in my case I relate well with some of their very traumatic or emotional experiences, Just Juliet f...

Ben Gauger: Kudos to Dhira Vidhea, author of Boy Who Broke In My Window, an otherwise engaging tale of love and acceptance of the quirkiest of individuals, whose overall conception of the plot is spot-on and whose writing style is impeccable and as for her writing skills they are the best I've ever seen, tho...

Jaslyn: I loved reading this so much!! The transformation of Nina's self-esteem was incredible to read, and while I was rooting for Parker halfway through, I was very satisfied when Harrison and Nina finally got everything straight. The side characters were adorable - I especially loved Anna, Richel, Mic...

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!
King's Lament

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!
Spectra

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."