itsnotnatural would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Kurt the Kleptomaniac

By itsnotnatural All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Humor

Untitled Chapter

"A guy (Kurt) sits on a chair in a spotlight illuminating only him. Another spotlight illuminates another man (The Narrator) who stands at the side closer to the audience."

"Lights go up and it is revealed that the guy (Kurt) is in a group meeting arranged in a circle and that the other is not part of the scene so it is assumed that he is the narrator."

1st Man: ...And that is why I'm here.
Councillor: Okay, that went well. Anyone else? How about you, sir? Would you like to introduce yourself?
2nd man:Well, um... uh...
Narrator: Go ahead say it.
2nd man: M-my name is Kurt a-and I have a problem.
Everyone: Hi Kurt.
Narrator: Say hi to the audience Kurt.
"Kurt turns his head toward the crowd and says hi."
Councillor: What was that?
Kurt: N-nothing.
Councillor: What is the problem that warrants you coming here?
Kurt: Well umm... I-I steal stuff.
Councillor: Would you like to expand on that?
Kurt:Ummm...
Narrator: Say your a kleptomaniac.
Kurt: I'm a kleptomaniac. I steal stuff because I need to.
Councillor: Why do you need to?
Kurt: It's... It's an urgent feeling I get when I pass something I like. I feel like I need to have it.
Councillor: What do you steal?

"Scene freezes"

Narrator: Therein lies the problem. What does he steal? Of course stuff you normally wouldn't bother with. But they are not small things. Let me give you an example. Let's say he's visiting someone's house. He walks upstairs to use the washroom and he feels the banister in his hand. It feels nice and smooth. He looks down and to anyone else it's just a stick of wood you hold yourself up with but not to Kurt. To him it is a work of art as he inspects it, looks for details, enjoying the craftsmanship of it and ultimately... he gets overexcited about it. He tries to steal it immediately by ripping it off. He gets caught and kicked out of the house. So what's his problem? He's a kleptomaniac who steals big, useless things. You can imagine how that sits with his wife. Anyways, back to the scene.

Kurt: I take lots of things.
Councillor: Like...
Kurt: Like uh, let's see, ummm... doors, fences, windows, stair rails, uh... tabletops...

"Everyone looks at him slightly dumbfounded as he continues listing."

Kurt: And even a kitchen sink.
Councillor: Okay... thank you for that. Anyone else? No? Well then, I'll be seeing you all next week. Bye!
Narrator: Now, was that so bad?
Kurt: I guess not. It felt good.
Narrator: That's because it's supposed to.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, itsnotnatural
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

fabihafatimaagha: OH MY GOD! I'M CRYING. 😭😭 This story was really good

CandyEmms: This book is nicely written.It creates a vivid image of what's happening in the story.The plot,the story,I think is fantastic and it grips you so that you want to read it further.It's the story of a tom-boyish girl who decides to do a secret exchange and go to a boys' boarding school instead of ...

William Elliott Kern: Whew. one telling his story, in the Bar, to his friend, who questions some circumstances that need clarity, The Confusion comes from a man, carrying his dead friend Chappies, while conversing with himself, and Chappies, and his alter ego......a broken mind, not yet forgotten..........The Author ...

Allyssa: Omg, please give us more! Pretty sure I've seen this particular book on Inkitt Exclusive Reads, so congratulations on being published. The story is nearly perfect, very well written and perfectly executed. The plot is spot on, and the prose is good as well. I have to commend the author on how fla...

Hayley: Beautiful story that has been well written. Something I will definitely read again. I loved how you could feel the tension between them and I loved the ending because It left it open to our imagination. I look forward to seeing to reading further stories by the same author.

viveksaji1990: The novel is altogether a fun read although there are way too many typos and spelling-grammar errors. If those could be corrected, I am willing to give a better rating and also convince people to buy the book if the book gets published. Apart from the typos, its a really fun and slightly romantic...

More Recommendations

lailachupp04: THIS NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED I MUST MUST MUST SHOW THIS BOOK TO EVERYONE I KNOW!!!!!!I WANT TO HAVE A COPY OF IT SO BAD!!! your book was amazing and so interesting especially describing Maggie's life it reminds me of my life

PersephanieBoyce: I was intrigued with the subject of this book from the snip it I read, and as I continued to read I felt like I was inside the characters brain. His thought processes, his memories, everything was so beautifully and forcefully made aware.The descriptions were vivid and detailed. At times, I did t...

emilia handy: THIS BOOK WAS JUST SO AMAZING?!?!!??! I couldnt make myself stop reading it. it had such amazing characters and an amazing plot twist. i suggest everybody should read this that likes humor as well as romance.

AryaTara: Very fresh and interesting read. I couldn't keep it down for later. I enjoyed the way the story flowed seamlessly. Keep up the good work

Nida Bhounr: the novel was a very typical and clichéd plot boy meets girls , impregnates her and leaves her because of prior commitments then they meet up again. but nonetheless it was very nicely written. it was very typical but i liked it.

deee_ro: Read this book in a couple of sittings and have kept it!!! Not one to read books again, but the story, the atmosphere, the descriptions, the humour, all right up my Blackpool street. Very cleverly written, sets the scene from the start, love how you get to really know the characters, must've look...

{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.