Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
itsnotnatural would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Kurt: A Proper Introduction

By itsnotnatural All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Humor

Kurt: A Proper Introduction

A man (Kurt) sleeps in his bed in a room piled high with... stuff while another man (The Narrator) squats beside his bed, he whispers...

Narrator: Kurt... Kurt. Kurt! KURT!
Kurt: Who? What?!
Narrator: WAKE UP!!
Kurt: "groans" God, you don't need to yell!
Narrator: Obviously I have to, otherwise you won't respond! Anyways Kurt, the audience is back.
Kurt: Already?  "He turns to face the audience as his face attains the look of mild irritation" Can't you guys leave me alone? This is like extra work!
Narrator: If you want them to go away, you've got to give them what they want.
Kurt: What do they want?
Narrator: What they've always wanted Kurt... Entertainment, a show. So just make it interesting okay? Start with an introduction of yourself for any new audience members who may be here today.
Kurt: Hello everybody! My name is Kurt Hedder and I live in this cute little farmhouse with my wife just outside the city. "whispers" that's all they need to know right?
Narrator: No. These people are interested in what you do and how you live. They want to live vicariously through you.
Kurt: Aw, come on! Seriously?!
Mary: "from downstairs" Kurt, I hope to God you're not talking to yourself again up there.
Kurt: "turns to face the door, which is behind him" I'm not Mary, I'm on the phone.
Mary: Good, and for goodness sake, if you want to keep all that outdoors stuff, then PUT IT OUTDOORS! "sigh"
Kurt: "turns back to face the audience" Okay, well I uh... I work as a quality inspector at the local chocolate factory and if you're wondering, yes you can eat as much as you want, but only on lunch breaks. I'm not in charge of anything though, really. I simply take my position near the end of the line and look for any chocolate that looks less than "satisfactory" pardon the pun, and throw it out. 

Then I go home after a good days work and I uh... well, it's not very exciting I'll admit, since I mainly do a few household chores before watching a little TV. There's some good shows on there. After that, I go to bed. Again, it's not much, but this is my life, and this is how I want to live it.
Narrator: There's a couple of problems with that though.
Kurt: "sighs" Like what?
Narrator: Well one, that is neither interesting nor entertaining and two, if that is how your life does indeed go, then "spins around the room" where did all this stuff come from hmm? It certainly didn't come from the way you described it, that's for sure.

What these people really want is your nightly kleptomania! They want to see your stints in jail and the institution! They're fascinated by how you interact with other people!

What you need to do Kurt, is get out there and do something worth doing. You don't have to do anything radical like quit your job, but just make your life fun. We want to see you be alive, face the world, contribute to it. Kurt, we want to be alive! Make us feel it!
Kurt:... I'll try my best.
Narrator: "sighs" don't try! do! Trying is only going halfway. In fact, we shall do right now. Have you ever met your neighbors while living here?
Kurt:... No
Narrator: Then, before you go off to work, introduce yourself to your neighbors. Who knows, maybe things will start happening.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, itsnotnatural
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

brettylee: The narrative is slick yet punchy. Life, Family and Friends I believe is the core message so it’s easy to relate to. It’s surprisingly action packed. The author does a good job at keeping you guessing. Just when you think all is right, whack, the unexpected happens. The dialogue is energetic and ...

Alex Rushmer: Chapter One: Not much is happening in this chapter, but I was absolutely fascinated by the depth of your character development. I love how you just sat there with the reader and explored Eddward. Usually, that sort of thing gets boring very fast, but this was actually really cool! He's so unique ...

AASTHA SHARMA: really...one of the best novel i've ever read...a very touching story....really loved it...thanks for writing such a masterpeice...the struggle of the narrator but still remaining satisfied is the thing that i liked the most...another nice thing is the concept of talking with god...in short i wou...

Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

annie08c: I really like this story, I can relate to it a lot and with how she feels, the boyfriend and the events that happened but I'm a little bit younger. It was really good plot, really liked how you stuck to the topic and you had a new title for every chapter making me guess what's going to happen. Ma...

LouiseJ2: I enjoyed the detail you went into with regards to the case. It made the UNSUB appear believable. The crisis in the middle of the story was my favorite part, very dramatic but not over the top. I feel like sometimes pairings can be overdone but I liked that some of the relationships were a little...

serginemuzac: This book had me dieing😂😂😂 It was super lit and I was reading it for the whole day. Its really interesting and I couldnt put my phone down until I finished all 22 chapters! Even though the grammer was a bit off (I actually enjoyed it, it made everything funnier) I really liked it.

Sandra Estrada: I loved every minute of it and I thank my lucky stars that brought me to the story, it's been a whirlwind of emotions, plot twist after plot twist but I never got tired of them. Abby and Kade's story is a hard one to understand but once you're submerged in their story and love, you can't help but...

More Recommendations

CurlyRed: I read this entire book in just under 4 hours I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN! i found myself emotionally attached to the characters and making personal connections that i had never experienced before while reading a book! I was constantly wanting to read more, every chapter left me on a cliff hanger tha...

Isha Chaudhari: Amazing book ...the most beautiful part is the kind of relationship Carla has with Peter. However, the epilogue was the one that surprised me the Most....Carla getting married to Peter....when in the book her relationship is mostly discussed with Ridian.Was a bit confusing thus.Lovable book that ...

rainbowsandunicorn: I loved every second of this book, like seriously. With the way you wrote it i could feel the emotions of the characters. I finished this in say. I couldn't put it down. PLEASE WRITE A SEQUEL. I love this book and recommend anybody to read it.